Feeling a bit down

[laraeo]

We just moved back to the US (we're American) after 2 1/2 years in UK. We've got a house but none of our major household goods (i.e. sofa) yet. It's been about 2 1/2 months since I've last sat on a comfortable piece of furniture. In the UK, DS, who's 2.4, went to nursery 1/week and used the same nursery's creche service while I went to the gym. DS doesn't talk (other than banana) but they were never concerned since he understood everything, had good eye contact, pointed, etc. I've tried very hard not to stress about his lack of speech - especially with this move - and have thought that we'd get him looked at at some point.

Anyway. Today we had our first appointment with a pediatrician (normal here) just for sort of a "wellness" check and also to get a form signed saying DS was up to date on vaccines so he could go to a "drop in" hourly day care. First they didn't have any record of his vaccines. I got that mostly sorted out but since the UK doesn't vaccinate for chicken pox or Hep A, he's behind and may not be able to go to the hourly nursery until he's current. I almost lost it because he's been glued to my hip for the past 3 months and I was SO looking forward to a little time to myself.

Then we discussed his lack of speech and I had to fill out one of those "autism check list" things. He's not autistic. He just doesn't talk. Meanwhile he's screaming his head off because he could tell I was upset about the vaccines thing (not to mention the check list). He eventually calmed down while he ate his snack and we looked at one of his books. He pointed to a wheel. I said, "Look at the big wheel." The doctor then said I need to keep things very simple and shouldn't say it was "big" just a "wheel". I thought I was keeping it simple.

So we're getting a referral to a speech therapist for which I'm glad but all I can keep thinking about is: 1) I desperately need some time to myself (DH is away for work and when he is around, he usually doesn't get home until after DS's bedtime) and if I'm turned away from the hourly care because of the vaccines I may lose it and 2) I guess I'm not very good at taking criticism and I don't know how I'm going to limit my adjectives.

I know in the big scheme of things, this is just a minor blip and it'll all work out in the end but it's just been a frustrating couple weeks.

I think I'm feeling less blue already.

Dont have much advice really but wanted to say chin up. You sound a fabulous Mother who knos what she is doing so keep strong. And I dont think "look at the big wheel" is complicated. You know your son better tha they do.

You sound like you're having a hard time.

I agree with the other poster. I don't think that is particularly complicated and in fact, I have heard before that there is sometimes no harm in using even bigger words that you wouldn't necessarily expect a child to understand. But my eldest knew what 'procrastinate' meant from a very early age and my 2.5 year old walks around saying 'I'm trying to concentrate!" I am not trying to make you feel bad, all I am saying is that using 'big wheel' instead of 'wheel' is not complicated and I think sometimes these things can be overly analysed. There are lots of children who don't speak til a later age, some not til they are around 5 and it doesn't necessarily put them on the autistic scale. I think that you should carry on talking to him as you would normally (but I am no expert) I'm sure a lot will be going in and will one day come out!

It's no bad thing that he is going to a speech therapist as it may help. I appreciate you needing time to yourself and I know how hard it can be. I wonder if there are any people you know near by that could help for a bit?

Does he have particularly bad tantrums due to frustration at his lack of speech?

hiya,
no wonder you are feeling a bit down. you have had to go thru alotof changes recently.
Are you happy to be back in the US?

I expect it's weird getting back into a different system again. Don't take anything personally with the speech thing, you know your son.

It's normal, too to feel hemmed in and then guilty becuase you need time out, i have been stuck with dd and her illness for weeks now. It's driving me mad!!

I can tell, and so can others that you are doing your very best, and i am sure things will pan out for you.

have a hug xx

I've heard of and come across plenty of children who choose not to speak for a long time. Einstein is the first that springs to mind!!! (not that I came across him!!!)

If your son is fine in all other areas I would stop worrying and enjoy him.

Have a think about what he understands. Does he show you in other ways that he understands the difference between the wheel and the big wheel? I'm sure he has alternative ways to communicate with you which are effective. If you know that he is understanding what you are saying then carry on. It is entirely possible that his language development is continuing quite happily inside his head and he'll come out with a full sentence one day.

If you were to suddenly stop using all the additional language he would lose important information in his interaction with you.

Keep doing what you think is right. Our instincts usually stand us in good stead so go with yours and keep chatting to him.

Thanks for the replies. Yes, he manages to communicate through pointing and other gestures. He is quite vocal and lately both me & DH have noticed the variety of his sounds has greatly increased. I am glad to get the referral to the speech therapist - my bigger fear was having to fight to get a referral. I've never been good at the whole "baby talk" thing. I'll simplify my language somewhat for him but not dramatically. It will be interesting to hear what the therapist says when we get an appointment.

Unfortunately, while we know the area we're in (we lived here before) we don't have any friends or family nearby. Monday we'll go to the vaccination clinic and get the Hep A and chickenpox jabs. Fingers crossed that after that I can get him signed up for the drop in day care.

We're also due to get our household goods on Friday - if the delivery doesn't arrive, the company gets massive fines for each day it's late. That'll give us a long weekend (thanks to the war of independence!) to get started unpacking.

So things are looking up. DS really is handsome and charming but then I'm a bit biased.

Thanks for the kind words. They were (and still are) needed.