come teach me how to discipline my 3 year old PLEASE

[Spottyshoes]

DS1 is 3.2 and becoming the kind of child I would steer my kids away from!!! He runs around shouting or screaming all the time, he literally bounces off walls, breaks things deliberately, throws toys at people, hits people for no reason, shouts really aggressively in everyone's face, throws tantrums, ignores everyone and/or does the opposite to what he is asked. Constantly runs off - to the point where he is running into the road and in danger etc etc. He is exhausting and really wearing me down, Ive locked myself away and cried at times as he is so frustrating that I worry I'll want to smack him.

I have tried ignoring, distraction, positive reinforcement, time out, reward charts/removing treats, more/less stimulation/activities, naughty steps, explaining behaviours calmly, talking sternly, even shouting, etc the list goes on and everything is either blanked or he shouts in my face, smacks me and runs off. He was in the creche for 2 hours today and they had several incidents to report to me of him walking up and punching another little boy in the face for no reason/pushing them over etc. When the staff tried to deal with each incident he screamed in their face and ran off and refused to say sorry. He behaves like this with everyone, not just me and nursery staff.

How does everyone else deal with this type of behaviour???

Oh Spotty - am sending you some enormous hugs. Sounds like your DS1 has well and truly become a threenager. It sounds like talking it out etc isnt getting through to him at all and he is becoming a danger to himself by running off.
I have friends with lively boys - and they have come through it as they have got older and become easier to deal with.

It sounds like you've used most common techniques to try to calm him down. Have you tried taking away toys for bad behaviour and he has to earn them back by good behaviour?

I hope someone with better advice and more experience of this comes along soon.

[hollow laugh]

I have a similar problem, except this is a little girl and she's 4 and a half - just recently I have dreaded going to pick her up from nursery as I know that most days she will ahve either hit, pushed or screamed at a child or teacher....it's hideous. Like you we've tried everything. I don;t know what to do.

Dinky yes, I've done the toy thing - loving the phrase threenager!!! Haven't heard that before but it is now officially h's middle name!

coolma - I have visions of him being excluded from pre-school!!!!! It's most embarassing isn't it!? If you find the answer before I do, please share!

Sometimes the discipline and structure of preschool helps Spotty - cling to that idea.

I would have a good look at what he's eating as my (normally quite placid) DS goes completely mad after sugar (that includes Juice as well as sweets, cakes chocolate and biscuits). In fact I really limit the amount (1/4 of a bun only etc), 50ml juice...

I also think you have tried too many techniques.. just stick to one and enforce it constantly, we just use "time out step" and it works a treat.

I also use the occasional reward chart to help him achieve something, like potty training or other things.

Thanks Lenin and sparkle, he has a younger brother and takes great pleasure in hurting him whenever he can, I do comfort ds2 in front of him but it seems to breed resentment and he goes for several smacks as soon as my back is turned. My gp mentioned food about a month ago so I have amended any little slips but generally he eats healthily, home grown veg etc etc. I know it sounds like a lot of techniques but they have been tried for several weeks at a time as this has been going on for a while. Good to hear, as draining as it is, and as long as it may last, it is just a phase.

Spotty - try upping his omega 3s (give vitamins with them added if he'll take them) - there was a study that found this helped with behaviour.

Or else get a couple of mackerel, brush with oil and soy sauce, bung in lowish heat oven for a bit - as long as it takes.

Ridiculously, this is the only fish they all will usually scoff happily as it is quite strongly flavoured and smelly. DS3 starts gibbering with joy when he gets it.

I've been trying to tempt my 2 with the most delicious mackerel pate ever and they both turn their noses up at it - but they love tuna and salmon. Crazy kids...

Sod that swampy - tinned mackerel in tomato sauce, on toast - when you've a mental three year old it's about all I can muster some days and a do agree he devours it with great relish . The goodnight kisses are foul though [retch]

Hope things pass for you OP. Mine's been a piece of piss through the so-called terrible twos but now approaching 3 he's become a difficult little sod at times. I sympathise.

Hi Spottyshoes,

In my life pre dd i worked with kids and their parents who were struggling with various behaviour/emotional problems. I agree with the previous advice, especially advice about diet. Sticker charts are often not used to their full potential, especially with little children. They only have limit attention spans and they can't hold on to complex ideals like "being good". I would suggest that you try when he is calm to talk to him about the behaviour that you find unacceptable, such as running off, hitting etc, concrete things that he understands. Then create a chart with short time frames, like the day broken up into half an hour periods, have a small list of the 2 or 3 things you want to see like no hitting, no running off etc and then if he manages these things for the time frame, loads of praise and a sticker, the stickers add up to something he wants at the end of week and every half an hour is a fresh chance to win one. It takes commitment but what you will be doing is always looking for the good behaviour to reward and then ignore what you can and have clear lines of discipline for what you can't and always do the same. Make sure that someone else knows about the chart and when he has a good day ring them or show them, more positive reinforcement. I think it is phase and he will calm down naturally as he is able to moderate him self. Hope this was helpful and things get better.

When I was pregnant with DS1 I used to dream of smoked eel from Borough Market. In fact, just thinking of it now is making me drool.

Tinned mackerel in tomato sauce was a real childhood staple. I should try them on it.

Apologies for derailing your topic, spotty. What can I say but welcome to the world of being mum to a threenager.

DS1 was two-and-a-half when DS2 was born. Until DS2 was able to hit back I thought DS1 would kill him! I didn't leave them alone in a room for A Very Long Time. They are best of friends now and have been for ever.

They both look out for DS3 and always have done.

My advice to you? Have another baby, it is a whole new dynamic.

I am leaving this thread sharpish and am going to pretend I neve read any of it!
spotty Obviously I have nothing helpful to say. The above advice sounds pretty sensible though and all worth a try
{{hugs}}

nearly 16mths lenin. He sleeps for one 2-3 hr nap a day so get a fair bit of quality time with DS1.

Funnily Mackerel pate is snubbed here too depite DS1 loving it when little! both eat salmon but I have to hide other oily fish in fish pie!

Retch indeed SBT!!! I used to force myself to eat that when I was pg thinking that the benefit to baby outweighed the fact it made me boak!....the little backbones.....ewww. Might have to try it out on the boys though

leelteloo. Thankyou, I will try that. He potty trained very easily using sticker charts and I have recently reintroduced one for his 'chores' (ie feeding his fish, tidying his toys away at the end of the day) as he seems to love the responsibility and he does respond well but it depends if he is in the mood. Half hour slots and making a game/challenge of it is a new idea for me to try.

LMAO Swampy! I would love another but not for a good couple of years yet!!!!! I cant believe i actually planned to have a two year age gap. {crazy fool}

SM - hahahaha RUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! either that or sell them now

Is it worth noting that the people I know on this thread all have two or more boys???? Bet we weren't as much trouble as kids

Spotty - had a thought this morning. How is his sleep now? If he's still not sleeping well, that'll contribute to his behaviour deteriorating - basically try reintroducing quiet time in his room (make it dark and quiet, books only for him- fingers crossed will help him rest) and perhaps his afternoon behaviour will be a bit better?