2 year old suddenly won't go to sleep unless I am in the room

[nothavinggreattime]

I recently went to Australia with my just 2 year old for three weeks and during this time he would not go to sleep, in fact got really distressed, unless I was in the room. We have now been back for a month and this is continuing at home in his usual environment.

Prior to this trip he would go to sleep with relatively few problems and I rarely had to go in to see him after leaving his room. I have tried gradual withdrawal (standing by his door so he can see me) and also leaving the room instantly after saying 'nigh night' as I used to do before our holiday. If I stand in the door he either mucks around and/or cries and if I leave completely he gets really distressed and this can go on for half an hour (not that I leave him distressed for half an hour) until I go back in to touch his back as he wants me to do.

I don't want to create bad habits by staying with him every night but then nothing else seems to be working. I would really appreciate any suggestions.

If you went from the UK to Australia (?)there's a whopping great time-lag to contend with. A 2 year-old probably didn't understand why mum wanted them to go to sleep in what their body is saying is the middle of the day... it's a pretty stressful ask for adults.

Coming back the other way his sleep pattern has been messed up again so maybe you have to persevere a little until he gets back into a regular rhythm?

Thanks Chil1234. I had presumed that his bodyclock was back to normal as he is sleeping through again (wasn't in Australia and actually hasn't the last two nights ) but you could well be right. Sorry, one more question, do you think I should just stay with him until this passes (so worried about having to break habits later)?

He's had different beds, different bedrooms, different time-zones... if it's left him a little unsure about what's 'normal' any more it would be understandable.

I think you have to persevere with leaving him to sleep to be honest, however difficult it is in the short-term. Make sure he's nicely tired, calm and comfortable with a warm milk, bath, quiet story or whatever his bedtime looks like normally. (Darken the windows with blackout blinds possibly - these light nights are not good for sleep).
And then 'night night' and leave the room.

I really don't like that phrase 'controlled crying' but if you keep going back in and rewarding him with back-touching then he won't learn to settle himself back down. Just a settling 'shh' or 'go to sleep', no physical contact .... then leave again quietly. It'll take time to get his confidence back but it's worth it for both of you. Good luck

Thanks again Chil1234, ugh..I hate listening to him distressed. But you are right that I just need to persevere.

i have the same proble, and I did not go to other side of planet, but to Spain
he was relatively ok going to sleep on his own in his own cot and then sometimes at night ( in the midle) he would kind of wake up and to avoid proper waking up business i would take him into my bed. Now he seems to have developed some kind of fobia of his cot, have no idea why. He dose no want to go to sleep in his cot, even if he is very tired he goes into hysterics and it takes ages to out him to lseep in his cot! sometimes we put him to nod off on the bed and when he is half awake we transfer him into his cot, sometimes it works , sometimes does not. He also has a tendence to wake up duing a night after 4-5 hours of sleep and stands up and cries like anything till I take him out and put him in my bed. I know it is not a solution, but he never cried like this before, even when we did CC when he was 11 m.o. He is 16 m.o. by the way.
Really frustrating and tiring!

It's not so much a phobia of a cot as a preference for the alternative. Going to sleep in one place (on your bed) and waking up somewhere different (his cot) is very unnerving...

He's not really awake in the middle of the night and therefore the crying will be a combination of wanting to be back in your bed coupled with crankiness because he's tired. If CC worked when he was 11m then you should probably give it another whirl. If you want him to sleep in a cot rather than your bed then stick to your guns.

its just it can go on for hours and he really cries!it is proper hysteria I am talking about. it is not like he was sleeping in my bed and then all of a sudden we started to put him in his cot..... I know CC helps, but back when he was 11 m.o. in the end we had to resolve to softer version of CC as staying in the room with him for couple of minutes till he settles or not but just not leaving him there on his own abrubtly...he is also teething: molars are coming through, but i am sure it has nothing to do with the cot!
Funny thing , when he is very tired he goes to sleep, and then after he has had soem sleep and has got his strength back, he starts wakingup/standingup/crying his head off business....... i know i have to stick to my guns, but sometimes he makes it impossible as he is very very stubborn child. Has been from week one, when i tried to BF him and he would always put his arm in the way...

I feel really sorry for you ranirani. My situation is frustrating but yours sounds even more so. I wish I could make a helpful suggestion for you and it does sound like you (and I) have to take a line and stick with it, but that doesn't mean it's easy. For me I always have trouble deciding whether to be a little hard (e.g. cc crying) or whether it's a phase that will just pass. This stage/problem/habit has got me though because it's going on longer than others.

Good luck with your situation!

hi - I think this is partly an age thing and not just about the holiday in Australia.

My 2.5 year old won't sleep without me in the room either. Tbh I've just given in to it and lay down next to her until she goes to sleep. I can't leave her as she'd just get out of bed and come out of her room and/or disturb her older sister who sleeps in the same room.

It usually only takes 10 - 20 minutes. She'll grow out of it. In the meantime I use the time I lie down next to her to think through the plot of my novel I'm wirting/plan my holiday/think through what I need to do the next day etc. It can be quite nice.

I agree with Stranded, my Ds2 21 mths is also in the midst of this phase too. I remain in the room, at the door, with no eye contact til he falls asleep. I'm not even convinced its me leaving that he hates as much as the noise of my retreating!

My DM tells me my DB1 (of 3) was like this and he is now a strapping 29 yr old with 1.5 kids of his own. He can now fall asleep all on his own