My ds1 seems to get so angry - how can I help himself express himself differently?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

My DS1 is 4 1/2 years old and generally a really good boy, but recently he's been getting worse at listening to me, and doing as I ask.

I am trying really, really hard to not shout at him, but he just keeps on and on until most days (sometimes several times a day) I do end up shouting at him.

I do distraction techniques, ignoring bad behaviour/praising good and use the naughty corner as a last resort.

Once he's been told off once he seems to get more and more angry, and his behaviour deteriorates from there. He begins shouting, screaming, kicking, hitting and this week for the first time, he spat at me. He has begun to tell me that he feels poorly when he realises that he's really starting to behave badly - I think in the hope that I will accept that as an excuse. This is now happening daily, and I know that he's fine health wise

I have noticed that his behaviour is at its worst when he's tired. He's slept from 7pm until 7am for a couple of years now, but for the past 3 weeks or so, he's been waking nearer to 6am and not going back to sleep, even if he goes back to bed.

I'm upset that the only way he seems to be able to express his feelings is through anger and violence and would love to be able to help him express his feelings more effectively. Can anyone offer any suggestions how I can do this?

I have a great book called The Incredible years by caroline Webster-Stratton.
The book was recommended to me by some posters on here when I was having trouble with my toddlers behaviour.
There is lots in there about positive discipline and how to show them the appropriate ways to regulate and control emotions.
My ds1 is nearly 3, but we talk alot about our feelings and I'm trying to get him to understand the meaning of each.
When he seems to be getting in 'that' frame of mind, I sit him in his time out spot, which is different from the naughty corner and when he has stopped whatever he was doing and calmed down I go and talk to him about what happened and try to help him understand how it can be handled differently next time.
Ok, my ds1 is a bit young for this and doesn't really understand atm, but it might be better for a 4 year old. I would really recommend that book.

Thanks, I'll have a look for that book.

Bear in mind boys can get testosterone peaks around this age (you don't even get to wait for teenage years, apparently) which can really crank up the tantrums. It's all a bit animal like at times here (2 boys plus a baby to look forward to doing the same!).

Just like with the bad behaviour due to tiredness, it doesn't make it easier to deal with at the time but does help my sanity as a reminder that DS isn't actually a monster. I think.

I don't think you're wrong to get angry if he's being deliberately naughty. But I think, when behaviour descends to that level, you have to firmly remove the child from the situation physically so that they get time to calm down and you don't get lashed at.

Some children have a tendency to ratchet up their feelings and work themselves into a total froth over nothing much at all. It's often a form of attention-seeking and an audience (you) just prolongues the performance. Time out in a bedroom is a good place to leave them to it and show that it doesn't get your attention.

Once calm, yes, talk about what you expect from him in future, why you got angry and why you expect an apology. Keep reinforcing good behaviour by spending time with him doing fun things etc... Good luck