Is 3 year old manipulating me here?

[OnEdge]

My three year old daughter went to bed an hour ago, and after a bit of mucking about I tried to settle her down nicely. My 1 year old son is in cot next to her and he drifted off.

She likes me to lie in bed with her, whispering and cuddling which i dont mind for 5-10 minutes. When I say its time for sleep and kiss her goodnight and leave the room she starts wailing for mummy.

Husband says to ignore it, she is just being naughty.

I did just go in and she was fine and started chatting to me normally, not upset or traumatised.

When I say goodnight again and leave the room, the wailing and screaming starts.

Do I leave her to get tired out like husband suggests, or what??

is she still having a daytime nap?

Gradual retreat may be an option.. DS tries this on all the time (Mummy, I neeeeeed you), and we go in, tell him we're going to do dinner/tidy/wash up/something else boring and that we'll be back in 5 mins to check on him. He's usually asleep by the time we go back upstairs

Personally I would stay until she fell asleep. My DS1 went through a similar stage then out grew it. But I am a soft touch and am happy for them to sleep in my bed whenever they want and all that jazz. I don't feel as if it was pandering and it certainly didn't hurt in the long run.

Thing is, if we go in now after half an hour, I think we will just re enforce it. So she will think its worth it , look , they do come if I keep going.

But it sounds so sad, and yet when i go in to her she is actually OK.

I tried the gradual retreat but she just keeps wailing in between my visits to her room.

If I stay in the room, she mucks about faffing, and still doesn`t go to sleep.

She had 45 minutes nap today in the car because I had to drive somewhere, so couldnt avoid it. I cant keep her awake in the car, but have to collect her from pre school in the car.

I am trying really hard to sort out both their sleep at the moment. But dont know how to do it.

1 year old has responded well to having his naps cut short.

I'd go back to how you are when they are a baby. She wails, you go in give her a kiss, tell her to sleep, walk out

She does it again, so do you.

Hopefully you don't feel too guilty and she gets bored, and realises she won't get any fuss

I take a dim view of 'wailing'... as you say, she's not distressed, in pain or uncomfortable. It's the end of the day, she's tired, you're tired and she's just making an irritating noise for as long as it takes for you to come back. If you go back, don't bother with kisses - a firm 'go to sleep' is more appropriate.