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Feeling a bit rubbish about my parenting skills

4 replies

CeeCee123 · 24/06/2010 10:22

Hi, DS is 2.9 months and I am 38 weeks pg which probably doesn't help me keep this all in perspective! He was a relatively easy toddler up until about 3 months ago and of course I made the mistake of thinking that I'd done a great job

Recently he's been really pushing boundaries especially at bed time. We can have a nice evening but as soon as it's bed time, he bounces around, won't get ready for bed and more upsettingly, kicks and hits us basically (as far as I can tell) so he'll end up on time out and prolong how long he's up for. Last night he deliberately headbutt me despite me telling him no and then I had to put him on time out which to be honest he found mostly funny.

He also has started coming up with all kinds of demands/things he's upset about to keep us coming back in. Yesterday he wanted a plaster for an almost invisible cut on his hand. Once he had one, it was taken off and then of course he wanted a new one.... and so on and so forth.

I know that this is just a stage and that it will pass, but it's wearing my confidence a little. We have a very set bedtime routine that we've had for about 18 months now but that doesn't seem to help. I've tried giving him lots and lots of positive attention and one on one time before bed time but so far that's not helped much either. It's like he just wants to see how far he can take it at bed time. I am pretty strict in terms of not running upstairs to tend to his every whim and letting him complain for a few minutes at a time so he gets the message that it's bed time. I also give him minimal attention when I do go in so that he understands that bedtime is not play time.

It doesn't help that my MIL keeps making comments along the lines of "Oh I do hope you don't let that poor little boy cry at night. I can't bear that you let him do that." And sent me a letter yesterday telling me that I need to put myself in his shoes and imagine how I would have wanted my mummy to cuddle me when I was a little girl and sad at bed time. Aaarrrggghhhh! I go from feeling like I should be able to work out how to solve this behaviour problem to then feeling like the world's most heartless mother. It doesn't help that I work full time so he sees me mostly in the evenings and mornings which doesn't help my mother-guilt! Although I will be home with him much more after the baby comes - another big transition which I recognise as probably being the root cause of all of this.

anyway, just needed to vent. Any advice or just sympathy would be appreciated..

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mistressploppy · 24/06/2010 10:28

No advice as mine is 8mo and I'm completely clueless generally but every sympathy, especially in this heat.

And PLEASE ignore your MIL, she sounds like a reet pain in the bum! Way to play on your guilt!

mamsnet · 24/06/2010 11:22

You've said it yourself really. He's probably picking up on the new baby vibes and is feeling a bit lost at sea.. He's also 2! What and age!
THings (although maybe not for a little while) will probably settle down fine once the baby arrives.
YOu sound like you're doing a great job.. Cut yourself some slack and ignore your MIL!
Or better still.. get your DH to ask her to be a bit more considerate!

Al1son · 24/06/2010 12:02

Agree with mamsnet - get your DH to ask her politely to butt out.

If he's using time out to put bed time off then stop using it at that time. If he lashes out ignore it and carry on taking him to bed. Basically just pretend it's not happening so he's not rewarded for it. It's the same as any other attention seeking behaviour.

Have a little think whether he could really be worried about being left at bedtime and whether you can do anything to reassure him and make it feel nicer for him. Can you stay upstairs and potter around putting washing away or choose to sit and read a book on the landing? That way you give him a reassuring presence without rewarding him for the attention seeking behaviour. You are around but not because he is making it happen. Does that make sense?

MUM2BLESS · 24/06/2010 13:44

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.................

Continue to be very firm with DS. Whatever the reason for this behaviour it is still not acceptable behaviour!

I know what it is like having a lively little one and expecting another. Believe me I am still learning even though I have four kids aged from 5 to 14.

Boys can be very phyical at times, three of mine are boys.

Changes are taking place all the time for you and also for DS.

YOu and your husband should talk to DS TOGETHER. Let DS see you and daddy both supporting each other and both letting him know that is not nice.

MIL MAY STILL give advice but at the end of the day you must do what you feel is best for DS.

All the best with this. Speak to him in a low but firm voice, getting eye contact.

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