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Clingy baby! Help!

11 replies

funkychunkymunky · 23/06/2010 20:58

My DD is 7 1/2 months old. For the last month every time I leave the room she starts to cry. If I don't go back within a few minutes it she starts with a heartbreaking sob.

She's fine when other people are there distracting her, unless she is tired.

She's fine when she's left with my parents in their home - even over night.

It's mainly just when we are at home. I can't get anything done including going to the loo or showering because she just cries the whole time. I've got to the point where I sit her in an activity centre, in the bathroom, while I shower. This helps for a bit but if the shower screen steams up she cries again.

I'm struggling to even do simple tasks such as making up her bottles because I have to move around the kitchen and at certain points she can't see me!

She even starts to cry in the time it takes me to open my wardrobe door to get clothes out.

She has always been a bit funny with day time naps but I finally thought I had it sorted. I started putting her down for a nap at 12, after her lunch, and she was sleeping for around 1 - 1 1/2 hours. The last few weeks she has refused to nap unless I'm right there with her. She wakes up every 20 mins and if I'm not there she screams. I've tried leaving her to settle herself and she usually does after around 10 mins of screaming.

Aside from all this, she is usually very happy and smiley. She sleeps though on a night and strangely, I've never had a problem putting her down on a night. She's usually awake when I put her down.

I'm getting to the end of my tether. I end up trying to do everything when she's gone to bed and it's wearing me out!

Anyone got any useful suggestions?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
smallorange · 23/06/2010 21:04

You will never have a more ardent lover than your 7 month-old baby. She realises she is seperate from you and is therefore terrified of seperation. It is a good thing because it shows she has formed a secure attachment with you.

I just ended up going with it- taking my DC everywhere, putting them in highchair next to me while cooking, in bathroom while showering etc.

It does start to go as they get more confident. Dd3 is nearly a year and will
crawl off to play for about 10 mins at a time before she comes to find me.

scoobydoolady · 23/06/2010 21:13

Hi Funky Chunky Munky

I feel for you, so many of us have been through this but it is resolve-able so don't worry to much.

Babies naturally seek attention particularly from their mothers - how lovely they are and how intelligent they are to suss us out so easily that by crying they can get i=our constant attention.

The trick is to break the cycle a little bit or else you'll make a rod for your back as she gets older.

I found that by leaving them 1 min, then picking her up very briefly without speaking or make eye contatc, then out her back down.

Next time leave her 2 mins and do the same again, and then 3 mins etc. etc.

It may take a few days or even a few weeks but eventually she will be able to be left withour crying.

You have to be mentally a bit tough but as long as she safe and loved then she'll be fine.

Good luck

Scooby

& p.s. (It starts again when they are 14

Traintastic · 23/06/2010 21:30

They ALL do it I'm afraid. Totally normal. As eveyone else says, it's developmental- shows she's attached to you blah blah blah. I just got used to doing everything with ds in one arm or leaving the room and playing peekaboo round the door, gradually leaving it longer and longer between the returning and saying 'peekaboo!' so he began to think of it as a game whilst learning mummy always returns.

smallorange · 23/06/2010 21:32

It's not attention seeking, it is a natural developmental stage. You can't train them out of it. They will naturally grow more confident as they become more mobile.

What's this ' no eye contact' guff?

aviatrix · 23/06/2010 21:38

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scoobydoolady · 23/06/2010 21:38

Why do people get judgemental on this site?

I was only passing on what worked for me thats all, as i had the same problem and a friend told me as it had worked for her.

As I said as long as babies are safe and loved.

Good luck Funky whatever you decide to do!

aviatrix · 23/06/2010 21:40

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seeker · 23/06/2010 21:47

Nut the only way a tiny baby like this can know that they are safe and loved is if they can see the person who loves them and keeps them safe.I really don;t get this "my baby wants and needs me so the best thing I can do is remove myself from her" thing.

It's a phase. It will pass. And if you follow your baby's lead it will pass quicker.

funkychunkymunky · 23/06/2010 21:51

Thank you for all of your advice.

I've got a sling but she really doesn't like being put in it and she's getting quite heavy!

How long does this last? I scared myself by googling it and it said til they are 3 YEARS!!! I think that was more for going to nursery though rather than leaving the room [hopeful]

She's happy to be put in an activity centre / high chair / baby walker / door bouncer but she gets bored quite quickly and would rather crawl around.

I always said I wouldn't use a baby walker but I thought she'd at least be able to follow me around the kitchen whilst being safely contained!

OP posts:
KnitterNotTwitter · 23/06/2010 21:59

I used a Wilkinet sling which you can put your DC on your back - like a rucsac. Was great with DS when he was being clingy as you have two hand's free and can do almost anything wearing it....

We also had one milestone day where we were at the allotment sitting on the grass. He crawled away from me then realised I was about 10m away from him and cried. I just said 'but you crawled away from me' and he thought about it and then crawled back again. After that I think he realised that he had some control over the situation and was happier about separation.

Rosebud05 · 23/06/2010 22:02

My dd was like this for, ahem, quite some time. Though my ds isn't at all, so there's quite a spectrum of attachment behaviour (ie IMHE it seems to be genetic/personality not a result of a particular type of parenting).

Interestingly, she was also going down well (and awake) at your dd's age at night.

I used to put her on my back in an Ergo sling, which stopped her crying and left me with my hands free. Until she was over 8 months, she refused to sleep anywhere stationary during the day so had all her naps on my back. Then one day, decided that her cot was okay and was never a problem to put down during the day. If she doesn't like slings, maybe a baby backpack might help?

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