Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

3 yr old DS showing aggressive behaviour

4 replies

FickleFairy · 23/06/2010 17:46

Hi All,

I'm sure this is just an age thing but just wanted some advice to nip it in the bud.

DS is 3 and has always been soooo incredibly good that it was almost too good to be true. We totally seemed to miss out on the terrible two's. However, since he turned 3 about 6 weeks ago his behaviour has deteriorated so much so that nursery have spoken to me about it too, they have stressed it's not a huge problem and typical of children his age but they wanted to check that we were doing similar at home as what they do at nursery to ensure consistency.

I am quite firm and we use timeout, and we only really have to threaten it and count to 3 and he almost always stops whatever he is doing as he doesn't want to go on timeout.

The behaviours he appears to be showing are "selected deafness" if I say no or ask him to stop he doesn't even acknowledge I have spoken, at nursery he has got a habit of pushing over children and the other day even threw something at one of them!! I was/am horrified by it! he often says No if I ask him to do something too.

Now, I know I am in danger of you all thinking I am mental to think it is strange for a 3 yr old to say no to their mother I am just trying to think of a few examples.

Obviously my main concern is the pushing. I have talked to him at length about what bad behaviour it is etc and that his friends won't want to play with him if he continues.

Someone please tell me this is a phase........

Or alternatively, has anything worked for you that I could try to help me nip this in the bud? We don't smack and we don't make idle threats, all his behaviour has been managed by timeout.

Thank you

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
lilolilmanchester · 23/06/2010 17:56

my sympathy, my DS was like this too. You mention selective hearing - is there any chance that he might actually have a hearing problem? We discovered DS had some hearing loss, not picked up very quickly because he didn't have speech problems/ear infections which are common symptoms. This can lead to frustration.

Other things - distraction can work well to intercept the start of bad behaviour - "oh look at that big bird" or "here, catch this" (bad examples, but hope you get the gist!

Work extra hard on praising good behaviour - "you played so nicely with xxx" etc, maybe he's old enough for start charts/buttons in jars etc??

We were also advised to try to make sure DS didn't get overtired, which is easier said than done!

The nursery should be able to cope with the pushing and should have good techniques for dealing with this, your DS won't be the first, last or only one - ask them what they are doing and what they have found works well.

pedalmonster · 24/06/2010 12:56

I have a pretty similar problem - infact I could have written that post. DD turned 3 a month ago and since then has been hitting and pushing. The selective deafness thing - i think this is actually a male thing, not just for 3yr olds - but I had his hearing tested and its fine. Nursery have also called us in to discuss this behaviour. But I have to say that every mum with a 3 yr old boy nods in agreement and sympathy. I don't think there is any "quick fix" and I expect that they grow out of it, as we have tried everything. Time out, naughty step, ignoring it, rewarding good behaviour, bribery with choc buttons, sticker chart.... everything.
We are also potty training and maybe this could be linked as he gets upset with himself when he forgets... I dont know. But I feel your pain! :-(

FickleFairy · 24/06/2010 14:10

Pedal, that is really interesting as we have been potty training for last 8 weeks or so too and although he has totally got wee's he just will not poo on there, we have a poo in pants every day.

It has really upset me that this is going on but DH says I just need to continue with what we are doing and praise good behaviour etc and it will pass, I hope he is right x

OP posts:
lostthewill · 24/06/2010 19:57

Bumping as having the same problems. Anyone with a magic wand out there?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page