is my dd a bully? shes 5

[DeFluffy]

hello

question - have been called into school because dd has pushed in to a line twice, shouted at a classmate, refused to share a toy with a classmate and when she was told to did so but didn't interact with the other child at all, got a question wrong in Spanish and then didn't join in rest of lesson. This was over last week.

She can be very bossy. Ive seen her shout at another child and tell others what to do constantly. But I also think she's very sensitive underneath. She is obsessed with rules and right and wrong. And is a tell tale. Oh and if she falls over she blames anyone else within a 20 mile radius for it.

Ive bought some books from Amazon re feelings to read with her tomorrow (about sharing and anger and feeling sad/fearful), but my question is is this normal? I'm assuming a lot of 5 year old girls are bossy, drama queens.

I've only listed the bad points of her behaviour above for the post, but she's also adorable, intelligent, loving etc etc.

Any tips on getting her to be less bossy?

bully in title is incorrect, i meant more is she too bossy.

Those are atributes I would be trying to tone down if she were my child.

All children are sensitive in their own way IME.

Cargirl - do you think reading the books and trying to explain re sharing etc will work? I really dont want her to be bossy, people won't want to be friends with her and its not a nice trait.

I would focus on teaching her to be kind and including others, and taking turns - ie taking turns at choosing what to play as well as what toy to have etc.

When I see behaviour in my children like that I will interupt them and tell them that is unkind behaviour because it hurt their feelings, if they get hurt and blame someone else I'll correct them once the tears have stopped etc.

I don't think you can just do lots of explaining it's more little and often whenever the opportunity arises and keep it short and sweet.

We've tried lots of different things, when she squeals for no reason, eg she slightly tripped up, we've tried to explain the boy who cried wolf, and that we wont realise if shes really hurt herself.

If we ever see bossy behaviour we always step in and say 'thats not kind, we dont behave like that, how would you feel if someone behaved that way to you' etc. any not sharing is jumped on. At playdates though they all seem exactly the same (girls not boys), none of them want to share and they all love telling tales!

We will keep at it I think (as we've definitely not cracked it!) and once we've gone through these books maybe introduce some penalties for bossy behaviour eg no tv/favourite toy going etc.