Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

You threw it, you lose it - am I doing the right thing?

13 replies

AlCrowley · 22/06/2010 12:38

Just picked DS (aged 3.3) up from Pre-school. It's a scorchingly hot day today so when he requested ice-creams from the corner shop, I said OK. He chose a Calipo and I had a Mint Magnum.

We opened our ice creams and started the short, 10 minute walk home with him sat in the buggy - he tends to trip himself up if he tries to walk and eat and I'd brought the buggy as I had 6 month old DD with me.

About halfway home, he turns round and gives me his ice cream and demands mine. Now, I was enjoying mine and he did ask quite rudely (he knows to use please and thankyou but didn't) so I said "No, you chose that one". He turned back round in his chair and sulked for 30 seconds then turned back and asked for his ice cream back. I handed it back to him.

My plan was to give him a minute and then offer to share mine with him but when he turned back round he threw his ice cream at the floor!! The ice bit came out of the little cardboard tube and rolled across the pavement picking up bits of dirt and gravel (and probably dog poo!) making it inedible. I picked it up (hate littering) and told him that because he'd thrown it, it was dirty and he couldn't have it now.

So now we're home and he's asking if he can have another ice lolly. Part of me thinks 'No, he needs to learn that throwing and losing his temper is bad and that actions have consequences'. Another part thinks 'poor boy is only 3'

So Mumsnet jury - I have some other ice lollies in the freezer. Do I give him one?

BTW, he is now having a cup of water with ice cubes in (another of his favourites) so he has something cooling, it's just not an ice lolly.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
eekamouse · 22/06/2010 12:44

No, I wouldn't give him another.

Not having an ice lolly is the natural consequence of throwing it away in a strop. Giving another will just send the message that it doesn't matter if he throws things away because you will replace them.

mloo · 22/06/2010 12:45

I have been thinking about starting a thread with same Q!
We adopted this policy with DC1-2 and it worked IIRC, but have had no joy with DC3 who at 6yo is STILL a chronic thrower of nearest object when he's angry about something. Plus because it's nearest object, he may not care if he ever sees it again (like my purse or his sister's soft toy, etc.)

DC4 is only 2yo and I also wonder if he is simply too young to understand "You threw it you lose it" too.

AlCrowley · 22/06/2010 12:49

That's what I thought ekkamouse but then the parental guilt kicked in.

It is a treat. And he was naughty. But he's only 3

Glad it's not just me mloo

OP posts:
MUM2BLESS · 22/06/2010 13:03

You did right. Do not feel bad. If it was dropped acciently then thats different. SOme parents would have rushed to the shop and got another one.

You are teaching your child manners and respect therefore he will realise that he needs to behaviour correctly in order to get things.

BornToFolk · 22/06/2010 13:15

Stick to your guns. He had a chance of an ice lolly and he threw it away. He's got a drink of water, he'll be fine.

AlCrowley · 22/06/2010 13:23

Oh yes, if it'd been an accident, he would have had mine or a new one at home.

This was definitely a throw in anger.

OP posts:
vegasmum · 22/06/2010 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

merrymonsters · 22/06/2010 14:52

Don't give it to him. It would be different if he'd dropped it accidentally. He needs to learn this lesson.

You've reminded me of a time a 40 year old work colleague angrily threw a muffin on the floor when he heard that someone he hated had just got a job in our office. Our boss came round later to this man's desk, saw the cake all over the floor (he was out) and she said 'Fred is such a messy eater'.

I wonder if he used to throw food out of his pushchair???

Adair · 22/06/2010 14:53

Stick to your guns - he threw his away in a strop! Though I probably still would have let him have a lick of mine - IF he asked nicely...

AlCrowley · 22/06/2010 15:02

He wasn't going to get to try mine while he was sulking vegasmum, but when he asked for his lolly back, I figured he'd calmed down and so it would be nice to show him that not sulking gets you more than a sulk does.

But then he threw it!

He's not had another lolly, just iced water, and seems to be over it now - thanks for making me feel better

OP posts:
castille · 22/06/2010 15:02

Definitely no replacement! Think what he would learn from it if you did give him another...

AlCrowley · 22/06/2010 19:52

Yeah, not a good lesson.

I suppose I just worried that I had been a little harsh on a 3 year old. My father was very harsh when I was a child and I guess I'm so worried about turning into him that I over think my discipline sometimes.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 22/06/2010 20:32

You handled it well. And I always think it's better to be a little over-strict than under. You can always slack off a bit later on!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page