Seperation Anxiety

[avariceandlatinos]

Has anybody been through this or have any advice to offer?
My baby is no longer settled at nursery. She has been there for months, but now she is coming up to a year she's starting to become hysterical at leaving me, clings to me, and when i get her home from nursery if i so much as move to the other side of the room she shrieks and wails and tries to crawl up my legs, she wakes up 3-4 times a night crying out too. She's in nursery four days a week but this is really upsetting me now as i don't feel like i'm doing the best for her, this goes against my mothering instinct and i'm sure that doesn't help although i do do make the effort to be confident when saying goodbye. I would love to have a relative to leave her with but unfortunatly like many of us mums that's just not the case. I don't know whether to interrupt my degree as there is no part time option because i'm worried this is going to make her more insecure as she doesn't seem to be getting better, but worse and i don't want this to harm our relationship. Am i being overly concerned? Do they ever get passed this? I also notice when she's at home with me more during holidays her development seems to come on more quickly than when she's at nursery -she doesn't attempt to communicate at nursery for example. I've still got 7 months until my degree is finished. I just thought other mums or nursery nurses might be able to empathise with the situation and offer advice.

Ive been through simialr with all my 3 DC and have every sympathy with you. As hard as it is, it is completely normal, and is strangely an indicator of a very close attachment to you, so well done on that score .

My DC3 was 1 last week and is very, very clingy at the moment, even though I'm currently at home full time and she attends creche once a week when I'm teaching a class.At a family BBQ at the weekend she refused to sit with anyone else, even my Mum or sister who we see 3 or 4 times a week. However, if I leave her to get on with it with someone else she settles very quickly, probably only cries for a couple of minutes. But as soon as I'm back in view or earshot she wants me again.It goes completely against my instinct to leave her crying, we cosleep and I dont like her to cry unless there's no option.The trouble is that my instincts also tell me that my other DC need some time with me too. For yours and DD's future I guess that your degree is going to open new doors to you both.

I would want to check with nursery if she's happy in the daytime after you've left. Does she eat, drink and play ? If it's only the initial seperation then hopefully you'll feel a lot happier.I think it's fairly common for children to communicate less in a group situation, and if she seems happy otherwise I wouldnt worry too much about that.

Hope this didnt seem too much like sitting on the fence,it is hard to make the decision, are you off during the summer. Perhaps see how you feel after spendiing a few weeks with her full time?

It is perfectly normal and natural for her to develop separation anxiety at this age. The majority of babies do this. She will start to realise that you always come back but it may take weeks or months.

I would be asking a few questions of the nursery about how much one to one social interaction she is getting with adults. Her progress should be as good in nursery as it is at home with the right input. I'd be thinking carefully about whether this is the right provision for her.

Yes, is normal but doesn't stop you feeling sh*t I'm afraid. My young ds (1.3) has been clingy for a while and i have just gone back to work for three days a week. My dh looks after him and his sister on 2 of the days but the 3rd day, they go to nursery.. My DD2 has gotten stuck in and having a great time. He cried the ENTIRE day apart from a 40 min nap. I felt so crap about it, I cried when I picked him up. It is awful, but not uncommon and it will pass. My eldest did the same. As did the middle. I know it's a hard phase for you but don't give up your degree I think you would regret it. Grit your teeth and hang in there.