Increasingly concerned about dd's lack of confidence.

[toffeeapple]

Hi my dd will be 6 soon and she will be in year 2 in september. She has always been a "highly sensitive" child, hating anything new, being easily overwhelmed by big groups etc...
Her confidence has increased in some ways, she's doing really well academically (after a slow start because of her lack of confidence) and she seems much more confident physically (sports, PE etc...) so I am happy in that respect.
What worries me is the friendship side. She doesn't have many friends at school, and from what she says she spends quite a lot of time on her own at play time.
Because she prefers to have one exclusive friend, the moment that friend finds someone else to play with, she withdraws instead of joining in.
She's quite popular due to the fact that she is kind and funny, but I think her lack of confidence results in her not wanting to join in if there is more than one person.
I don't know what to do to help her, I really would like her to have more confidence and think more of herself. She is constantly putting herself down; for example if you ask her if she's won a race she would reply "of course not".
She seems like a very happy child but she is scared of everything and it doesn't take much to make her cry, which infuriates some of the kids she sometimes plays with.
I always give her plenty of praises and more, but I don't know what else to do.
She already goes to drama classes but I'm not sure that's helped, besides she wants to quit.
Any advice out there?

Hi Toffeeapple, In my life before my Dd i worked with children with various problems and issues. I used some books which have work sheets that the child works through which build self esteem and confidence. there are lots to choose from on Amazon. Working through these books does not need to be done with a therapist or professional; some special time set aside with mum/dad working on the book would be really helpful. I also used role play with my kids, getting them to work through anxiety provoking situations and thinking up alternatives to their usual reactions. I would always recommend to parents to find clubs and things that the child enjoys and is good at and promote these, but sounds like your already doing this. Do you ever talk to her about how you dealt with things when you were her age because it can really help children to learn from their parents experiences.
Finally try not to worry, sounds to me like she is a fabulaous yet senstive soul and she will find her nieche and flourish. x

Perhaps give her time to grow into her own skin. I think we as parents worry a lot more about the social side of our dcs' life than is necessary or bothers them.

Expose her (like you do with drama) to something that she likes and is skillful at. This might start to show fruit be when she is older. Confidence in one area will spill over into others.

Some of dd's friends at school who have had a slow start socially are now beginning to blossom. Maybe your dd is the sort who will find a best friend, rather than flit around a large group of loose friends. That will come around 7+.

Thanks for your replies, yes she definately is the type to stick to one.
Like you say, us parents worry a lot more than necessary. In fact worrying is never useful.
Yes Leelteloo those books sound fantastic I will have a look through amazon.
I bought "the highly sensitive child" which is fantastic (my dd all over) it really help me to accept the way she is more, and take is as a quality.
Also I've noticed that sometimes, if I ask her "did you have a good time at playtime, did you play with your friends?", she would initially say "No, I just walked around on my own at every playtime."
And then later she would come out with stories like "Yes today when we played with such and such at playtime it was fun" and if I say to her "You said you didn't play with anyone" she says "Sorry I forgot to tell you".
So I think a lot of it is forgetting and not being bothered to answer to my harassing questions. Which I don't blame her.
Apparently some sports really increase a child's confidence, especially the ones that involves the elements, like swimming etc...