5 year old and sleep (again) nothing's working!

[sparklingchampagne]

I am still getting nowhere with DD staying in her bedroom when I put her to bed!
Every night she comes out of her room constantly. She's worn out, but can't sleep because she refuses to lie down, because sleep is boring
So, we have in place:

• reward chart
• bedtime routine with bath, cuddles story, time to talk
• 15 mins of quiet time for her in her room before the lights go out

During the day, she is lovely. If you ask her to do something, she does it. We speak to her about bedtime, and she agrees, and wants to do it. It's like the minute she goes into her room she turns into a completely different child. She refuses to do as she's told, screams and shouts etc Tonight she needed one more star to get a 'treat' tomorrow, she was so excited, knew she would get it if she stayed in bed and went to sleep. She's been up and down, up and down, so we've said no star, and she's screaming the house down. I am utterly stuck now. Utterly !!!!!

is she getting overtired? sounds like my ds1 when he's very tired
have you tried moving bedtime forward?

We've moved it forward for four weeks - still the same, and we've moved it back (this is the third week of a later bedtime)
You're right, she's knackered but she simply will not lie in bed. I know if she lay down for 10 mins she'd be asleep but she won't lie down!

Music on a CD to listen to while she stays in bed?

Or how long would it take her to get to sleep? Worth staying with her in silence for 10 mins while she drifts off (I quite like the quiet, reflection/meditation time) rather than up and down stairs? Appreciate if you feel this is a habit you don't want to get into.

We generally stay with dd (well, ds but they share a room) while she drifts off. She understands then that sometimes I can't stay, and need to go to eat/have a cuppa/do whatever. Could you try 'popping out' to the loo etc to get her used to staying in her bed while you are not there?

Agree she sounds overtired, and it's not much fun for you. Good luck, am sure you'll crack it soon!

We have tried stories on CD but they seemed to make her more wild (!) I haven't tried classical music yet, so that might be worth a try.
I have tried staying with her in her room chatting, just staying quiet etc, but the minute I leave she's up again!
She was always a fab sleeper until this year!

If my DD has trouble getting to sleep I take a book or laptop and sit in the doorway of her room where the landing light is and work or read. She can see me and is calmer to lie still but I'm not getting all hot under the collar because she's wasting my evening. She knows that as long as she's quiet and genuinely trying to get to sleep I will stay until she drops off.

Good luck!

Thank you all - I will try out some of those suggestions.
In the morning, DD seems as flummoxed as I am - she loves being good, loves her reward charts, wants to go to sleep but it's liek the minute she goes to bed she's a totally different person.
One day eh. . .

Hiya, you mentioned classical music, perhaps something less structured, more new agey healing music might help. I have lots of that and the wafty floaty aspects of it absolutely float you to sleep. I too have to stay with my 2 boys, 3 & 5 many nights, but if I put this music on it's only a matter of minutes before I can creep out.

I have also got a couple of kids relaxation/visualisation cds which are great. They have stories designed for bedtime, read in a very gentle sleep inducing way with suggestions for deep breaths and floating away on boats across oceans etc. I also love that they offer ideas to the boys for letting go of anything that's on their mind before going on an adventure to sleep.

There are nights that I can just put the music on and leave too, it just depends on the balance between us. If they feel they are a bit short changed for connection with me they will play up more which often leads to me admitting to myself that I am kind of 'absent' that day. So if possible I will stay a bit. But I also use boundaries when I need, if I am really needing to get away to meet my own need for grown up time, like saying I will stay for a few minutes as long as you are quiet, then I am going down stairs for mummytime.