11year old with anxiety

[ozzi]

Can someone please help! i have 11 year old (who is starting secondary school in septemeber) and i am really worried. She has always been a quiet child, we tried all sorts of activities to 'bring her out of her shell', but nothing seemed to work. She has always struggled academic wise at school, and obviously that does not help her confidence.
However, things have taken a turn for the worse! she has just come back from y6 trip (where they stay away for a week), and it was horrendous! i knew she would miss home, but never realised to what extent. It would seem that she cried ALL TIME,(and this is according to the teacher!! )day and night, didnt interact with anyone, i dont think she really spoke to anyone all week, and to make matters worse, had anightmare one night and ran screaming down the hall, waking and scaring the life out of EVERBODY!!!!!!!!all the parents have heard about it and she now seems to be a laughing stock! she has only really had one friend throughout her primary school years, dispite our efforts to encourage more, they or she does not seem interested. How is she going to cope with secondary school? am i being too hard?

I think the best you can do for her is to try to boost her confidence. Show lots of love, lots of praise, lots of encouragement, lots of reassurance and let her know that she is a lovely person and that you love her and think she is doing really well .
Would she really be the laughing stock because she had a nightmare?? What unkind folk they are if they find it amusing.
The personality remains the same . . .children are the way they are and you cannot suddenly change someone, but hope fully as she goes through secondary school she will make some friends . Besides the friendship thing i think the most important thing is that she must know you and her dad love her and you think a lot of her.
Maybe have a word with her new school in Sept and tell them that you are very concerned how quiet and withdrawn she is . Ask if there is anyway they can help with this.

Thanks for your advice - you are right! children are the way they are you cant change them. Hopefully in time her confidence will grow. It is so hard for children, trying to fit in with others and I know how homesick I was when I went away on school trip - but i guess we are all different, fingers crossed, next time wont be so hard for both of us

I think you need to talk to your school SENCo and ask for a meeting with the high school SENCo. She needs a safe place to go for help if it all gets too overwhelming. If they can identify her now as perhaps needing a little more support it could make the difference between a successful transition and a total disaster which results on school refusal. Don't kid yourself that this won't happen because you could have been describing my DD1 in your post and we've had a nightmare year since she started high school.

Now is the best time to sort this out. tell them all of your concerns and ask them to put strategies in place to help her settle and monitor her progress carefully.