Doubting myself - bad day or should I be worried?

[Chunkychicken]

My DD is nearly 9wks and seems to be thriving regarding milestones, general development etc. She seems a happy little baby and rarely cries, and only usually because she's really hungry or has bad wind. She has begun to sleep quite well, and is putting on weight. However, these 2 aspects are causing me concern...

1. Weight
   She lost weight between wk 2 and 3, despite gaining weight in the first 2 weeks (only lost a relatively small amount, taking her back to her birth weight) and since then has been putting it on at a rate of about 6 -7 ounces a week and follows the 2nd centile curve exactly. She was only on the 9th centile at birth - but I keep reading that she should be somewhere near her birth centile. Plus, I'm now concerned about this because, when she was measured recently, her length put her on about the 25th centile and I understand that the weight and height should be relatively similar. I'm BF and seem to do it ALL the time - sometimes every 2hrs, sometimes up t 4 during the day, very rarely 5hrs between at night. I can't do any more than that surely?!! Now, having seen the HV regularly for a couple of weeks and her finally saying DD is growing well, the GP has referred me back, for the 'weight gain' issue. Should I really be worried?!!!

2. Sleep
   We have somewhat of a routine - last feed during the evening (around 10pm) is accompanied by low lights, lullabies in the background, last nappy change with Daddy etc. and straight into her crib in our room alone, with a monitor, so I can leave her to it for a while before we go to bed ourselves. Should we doing something else yet? Is that too late? Should we worry or is she too young for a 'proper' routine?

Perhaps I'm just having a bad day, doubting myself, feeling a bit down - tiredness catching up with me? Either way, it would be really good to hear other posters stories/ideas...

Sounds fine... every two hours is not really all the time for a nine week old baby, you know?
In fact, I personally wouldn't let her go as long as 4 during the day if you have any concerns about weight..
Are you and her Daddy quite small?

Sleep sounds very good BTW

Enjoy her!

Hang in there chunkychicken- she sounds like she is doing great for a 9wk old. It feels like all the time at every 2 hrs (I remember that phase well!)

All the best

You sound so worried, please don't be. I had almost identical problems re weight. DD born on 25th centile and then just fell down to the bottom and sometimes was even off the chart. I was exclusively breastfeeding too. I had so much negativity from the HV and being a first timer I almost lost my mind over it. However, DD is now 2 and a half and is only 22lbs, she's little, that's it no mystery, no health issue, she's just small. We have been back and forth to the hospital at HV's insistence, and what a waste of time for us and taxpayers money. I remember the HV being very derogatory re BF and said, 'this is the problem with breastfeeders' . So by all means make sure your DC is healthy but really the world is made up of all different shapes and sizes, your baby is an individual and not going to comply with that bloody centile chart. Remember the chart is only a guide and does not take into account a whole host of factors.

Just relax, feed and enjoy, I wish I had. You sound as though you are doing great though.

Also remember that the centile charts were created using figures from formula fed babies as well as BF babies. Because FF babies put on extra weight it puts a bias on the graph which makes Bf babies look underweight. If your DD was on a graph created solely from data from BF babies she's be much closer to the middle.

There is a school of thought that the charts should be re-calculated using data from BF babies only.

Oh lord. Weight anxiety. Now a distant memory (I seemed to let go of the worries when she was about 10-11 months old, she's now 20 months old)

It ruled me and my life. I was so upset, so paranoid and just looking everywhere for comments and slights. Everywhere I saw supposed chubby and contented babies.

My baby was born roughly 5 lbs at 35/36 weeks and lost a fair bit (because she was early I hadn't read up on b/feeding and weight loss in newborns) after birth. I breastfed exclusively and very frequently (1-6 months were essentially a babymoon, ever 1-2-3 hours FOR hours. In fact at 20 months I still feed round the clock)

I looked back at her photos now and they tell a different story. She was little and scrawny at birth (lots are) and chubbed up really really quickly. She never got rolls or anything and was always in clothes 3 months behind her actual age but was plumpish, had lovely luminous skin and was developing early. Rolling at a few weeks, talking at 9 months etc.

She was born in Singapore, where the Chinese prize fat babies (my paed said they give them extra bottles to achieve it) so I had lots of people do a sharp intake of breath when they asked her age.

My paed in Singapore never said there was a problem with her weight or my breastfeeding. I guess she was 25 centile at birth (although I never checked!) but went to the 9th and stayed on that line religously until she was 12 months, which was the last time I weighed her. Don't see the point.

For the record, she's longish, but still slender. You can see her ribs a little, she has the body of a slender 3 year old, rather than the chubby body of a baby. I'm small, my husband is tall and medium build.

Good luck and just wanted to let you know I understand your anxiety.

I should add though that my baby was also really contented - not a sleeper-through-the-night by any means - but happy and only cried for feeding (which I did all the time) and had a phase of colicy crying in the evening (but nothing major) and that gave me comfort and reassurance -- that she could not be starving away if she looked so pink, soft, hydrated, happy and in love (she used to stare at me and smile for hours)

"that's a fantastic milestone really that can help avoid later sleep problems and it's a content baby that can enjoy a bit of it's own company and drift off to sleep in her own space."

Erm, I must have a deeply insecure and developmentally challenged child then.

Sleep problems. More an issue with parental expectation than development. I'm not knocking a self-settler and a good night's sleep. If you'd heard the argument I had with husband last night you'd know I don't get nearly enough and it makes me really unhappy and frazzled sometimes. But the above statement is uninformed.

Nah, it's just total rubbish

Some would say it's an unattached baby that can drift off to sleep on its own.

I hope I offered some support too. I don't just post to nitpick. But it's part of the routine-lovers' world view -- namely that self-settling is developmental, that you're a bit of a failure if you've not achieved it, and that your baby will develop normally if it sleeps from 7-7 (to be fair to you, you didn't say that).

I tore my hair out thinking my DD's wakings meant she was 'chronically overtired' and that she wouldn't develop normally.

I don't get enough sleep and sometimes (I say sometimes, certainly not always) I think it's a wonderful, lovely, special thing to feed her to sleep. To be honest I will miss the bed-sharing and night-feeding.

Jesus Dorisbonkers, I think you're being a tad oversensitive on this one!
Mine never really figured out self settling and I NEVER felt I was being judged..

"and well done you for establishing her laying down alone to go to sleep - that's a fantastic milestone really that can help avoid later sleep problems and it's a content baby that can enjoy a bit of it's own company and drift off to sleep in her own space."

Not, it's not a content baby that can do that - it's the sort of baby that wants to do that.

Some do, some don't. Some do for a while and their parents think they have cracked it - then they stop.

9 week old babies don't, generally, want their own company - they are barely aware of themselves as separate from their mothers. Most of them need contact and cuddles and to know that someone they love is near - just liek any other baby mammal. PLEASE don't have sleeping alone as a milestone - it's just setting up the majority or parents for failure.

Well mamsnet, it's hard not to be a bit sensitive when your mother is saying you're not helping your child's development because she won't self settle. I've also heard that line from HVs, paeds and

I never felt judged over breastfeeding. But some people do, and it makes them sigh inwardly when people trot out some inaccuracy.

We all have our achilles heel, I suppose. I've fallen into an AP style, mediated on my child's feeding habits and have had people roll their eyes at me, tell me I'm neglecting my husband because he doesn't sleep in our bed, moan that I can't come out for the evening. Tell me I'm not fun anymore and that I'm a bit weird and creepy to still be feeding her at nearly 2 years.

YES I AM FUCKING SENSITIVE!

I don't feel fine about my situation. Nothing is black and white. I had a terrible night last night and rowed with my husband.

But the last few nights were lovely. Before that there were some hairy nights and I despaired.

In some ways I would like the constant feeding to lessen to something easier to deal with, but in other ways I just can't bring myself to push her when she's not quite ready.

I admit I'm oversensitive, but trite and hackneyed phrases do nothing to categorise the deep-seated emotions and anxieties that sleep and feeding conjure up for first-time new mothers.

OP I sympathise on weight worries and hope they go away. Mine were irrational and went completely.

To be fair,swalloweAfly, you did say "it's a content baby that can enjoy a bit of it's own company and drift off to sleep in her own space. " - the only possible reading of this is that if it's a content baby that does this, any baby (ie - most) that does not is by definition not content. And to call self settling a "milestone" suggests that it is a necessary developmental stage which we should all be aspiring to for our babies. Many babies can't - and parents waste time, stress and tears on trying to make them because think it's important, but it's impossible because their square baby won't fit into that round hole.

Sorry, reading back, I am being a total arse. I apologise. I had a bad night last night and am down about having had a stupid, but fierce, row.

As you were.

Just to reply to the OP - my boy was a bit like this too. He slept through the night right from the off (I used to have to set my alarm clock to wake us both up so he could feed) and I worried myself sick about it! He fell off his weight curve enough for me to give him formula top ups (a whole other story) after 4 different pediatricians insisted that I do so (I don't live in the UK, I suspect you'd have more BF support over there - I hope so!) and I was absolutely tearing my hair out from week 9 until it was resolved.

He's now 6 months old and we went to see the HV today - he's totally fine and is following lovely growth curves, just under the average weight and height.

I now totally regret wasting so much of my time with him worrying. What I needed was someone to tell me that he was fine (which he was - meeting milestones, happy and healthy - just a bit on the skinny side!). I hope you have someone to do this for you and if you do, please listen to them and enjoy these precious months with your baby. They're over so fast!

Hi everyone,
Just reading through this thread and it seems that people are very hung up on being judged and also very worried by what everyone else is doing. I'd like to point out that as a fully grown adult sometimes I like to drift off on my own, sometimes I need a hug from my hubby. My DS1 is 2.3 and self settles but my DS2 is 6 months and we co-sleep and breastfeed. Everybody is unique and it's our differences and vulnerabilities that make us human. Just forgive yourself mummies, you're all doing the best job in the world, the hardest job in the world and certainly the most challenging. My only bit of advice is to relax and enjoy your children.

Thank you everyone for your messages of support!

I was having a bad day and letting the doubts get to me - I swing from knowing that I'm doing the right thing and being incredibly angry at the HV/GP for worrying me, to doubting myself because I can't 'know' how much milk she's getting etc.

She is a lovely happy little baby, pink and beautiful, starting to develop little chubby cheeks and thighs! I'm going to a local mum and baby group, where other mum's say similar things - nobody is exactly average and if there weren't babies that were small, there wouldn't be those lines on the charts!! ;)

Next time I see the HV, I just hope I'm having a 'cross' day and can say with conviction I am not even considering formula, as she is healthy happy and breast is best - after all, isn't that what they say themselves?!!

Thanks and best wishes for overcoming all of our own personal 'baby' demons...