baby number 2 = how do you get them into a routine?

[Iggleonk]

I have a 4week old DD and a 2.5yr old DD. Did Gina (don't hate me) with DD1 and no problems but when you are chasing round the countryside after your toddler how the hell do you get your new baby into a routine?!

DD2 is feeding on demand and I feel like she is attached to me most of the day (which is annoying for toddler) and she won't sleep in her moses basket - as soon as I put her down she yells. So she is either attached to my breast or attached via a sling to get her to sleep. She has yet to have one nap in her moses basket during the day (although she does at night) which is so frustrating as I also want to be able to spend some time with DD1. Just need a break from DD2 as feel permenantly attached!

Is she ever going to sleep away from me?!

Any advice gratefully received x

I have this & it works as I'm busy with my 2yr old & dd is in my arm bf. At 4wks it's bf most of the time so in a month or so she'll be bigger & more interactive with your dd.

she's only 4 weeks old!!!
sorry, but small babies are supposed to feed little and often, they're supposed to be held a lot and want holding... it's what babies do

if you have a decent sling you ought to be able to still do stuff with dd1

I changed from feeding on demand to feeding every three hours when my ds was 3 weeks at the advice of a midwife friend. It was hard work for a couple of days but then he turned into a dream child. He then started to nap and feed at regular times which meant I had alotmore time for my dd and could work my day around him alot better.(he was so much more content that even if not asleep he was happier in chair or mat). He is now 12 weeks and it all works like clockwork. Worked for me maybe worth a try.

thisisyesterday - I do agree with you but I think I have just read too many books about routines that have conditioned me to think that carrying my baby around all day is not good.

loveandpeace - I am hoping that in a few weeks she will get to being more 3 hourly. Just all at 6s & 7s right now - even ended up breastfeeding in the car in nursery school car park today while I was dropping DD1 off!

I didn't bother with any sort of routine with DS2 and its worked really well. He has developed his own fairly predictable routine without me having to force it, and its been stress free because I haven't had any expectations about what he 'should be' doing at any particular time.

I know - I wish I had never read a flippin book about routine as I think it has given me unrealistic expectations!

Is the baby really crying when you put her down in the moses basket or is it more just 'making a noise'? If it's the latter, you can probably leave her to it for a while and she'll settle. I don't think's it's a question of 'routine' so much as reassuring the baby that she's fine on her own in a nice safe crib for short periods.

starts off by making a noise and then if I leave her it builds up to full on yelling till I pick her up then stops immediately. Only way she will sleep is 1) in pram 2) in sling 3) in bed next to me. Remember that I had this with DD1 though and she sleeps in her own bed from 7pm to 7am now! Are all babies like this or do some sleep wherever you put them? Is it something I have created with both of them by holding them for the first few weeks while they slept or are all babies like that?

All babies are like that or I am convinced the majority are!

It's natural for babies to want their mummies! I was like you, I had a Gina routine for DS1 (not very strict but I followed her timing) and DS1 took to it really well. DS2 is a completely different baby, very laid back and placid and has fallen into his own routine though his routine is a lot more 'fluid' than DS1's ever was! He feeds at fairly regular times and I almost always put him down for a nap at similar type times but sometimes he won't feed/nap at the time I want him to. But he's a lot easier to manage than DS1 (who would screamed if he ever missed a nap!).

I would give it some time. I found that the first 3 months is just pure survival. At around 3 months, DS2 started to go to bed at the same time as DS1 and things got slightly easier. Now DS2 has a similar routine to DS1 (eat and drink pretty much at the same time) and things are a lot better. DS2 still wants his mummy and doesn't like it much when I leave him by himself! I still hold him to sleep but that's because I like it.

Forgot to say DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is 7.5 months old!

"baby number 2 = how do you get them into a routine?"

You don't.

Give up the idea now, you'll be much happier for it

i never did strict gf with ds1. but i used her basics. just not so precise.you know the basics from GF. just adapt them a little bit. watch her dd2. notice when she is dropping off. it doesn't matter if its 10.00 am or if its 10.30. not really. does it ? in the grand scheme of things. sling, as suggested. take dd1 to the park, at the time she needs a mid morning nap, for example, if sleeping in pushchair helps and that will be one-to-one time with dd1 ? then dd2 will sleep and you can devote time to dd1 ?

you will get there. often gf with number 2 just requires a bit more relaxation.

i never did strict gf with ds1. but i used her basics. just not so precise.you know the basics from GF. just adapt them a little bit. watch her dd2. notice when she is dropping off. it doesn't matter if its 10.00 am or if its 10.30. not really. does it ? in the grand scheme of things. sling, as suggested. take dd1 to the park, at the time she needs a mid morning nap, for example, if sleeping in pushchair helps and that will be one-to-one time with dd1 ? then dd2 will sleep and you can devote time to dd1 ?

you will get there. often gf with number 2 just requires a bit more relaxation.

You say you only think this because of what you have read in books - so put the book down, what do YOU want? What is the problem with using a sling? Backache - you shouldn't get any if you have a decent sling (ie not a baby bjorn) Clinginess - a complete myth IMO and the opinions/experience of others. If a baby's going to be clingy they will be or not regardless of whether you carry them around.

Although if you really much prefer the routine thing I believe that GF has written a book for parents of 2nd babies - the contented family or something?

All babies are like this! I think if you couldchange your expectations and go with the flow a bit you will find a routine sort of emerges. Dd2 16 weeks now and life is so much easier. Not sure how you get second children into a routine, I think they start to fit Round your day withtime.

"Only way she will sleep is 1) in pram 2) in sling 3) in bed next to me."

Then how about not using the moses basket and just putting her down for a nap in her pram? Some people use those first-stage car-seat things for naps because they can be rocked until baby goes to sleep.

Four weeks is a bit little to be getting into a routine - mine gradually started falling into one of their own when they were about three months old.

If your DD2 keeps crying whenever you put her down you could try taking her to a cranial osteopath; she might be experiencing some discomfort from being born (whether naturally or by c-section) that a CO could help with.

And I agree with twofalls, second babies have to fall in with everyone else's routine because you don't have the luxury of being able to devote yourself to their needs in the way that you do when you have only one.

I'm not telling you to leave your DD2 to cry uncontrollably, but there will be times when you have to put her down in her pram or cot because you have to do something that just isn't possible or safe if you are holding her in your arms or a sling. Of course she won't like it, but you shouldn't feel bad about 'neglecting' one child for a short time because you have to do something for another (or even yourself!).

I think that you need to accept that a four week old is going to be pretty attached to you for a while. You have to work around it. They find their own routine. Forget the She Who Must Not Be Named mantra of getting them to sleep at a 9 am, feeding at a 10.01 am, cuddling at 10.03 am and having nappy changed at 10.06 am.

Do things when you can so when the baby is asleep (try the car seat idea or pram) and then spend time with DD1. A good sling will help you be more mobile with DD. But don't sacrifice time with DD1 for the sake of getting the baby into a routine. You Know Who simply doesn't work with some children.

thank you all for sensible advice - think tiredness is not helping me think very rationally at the moment.....need to just go with the flow & allow DD2 to fall into our family routine. Right I am off for a shower while husband plays football with DD1 with DD2 in sling.....happy father's day!