Disciplining a 3 yr old - advice plse!

[Burkoid]

Help! Our son seems to be going through a "difficult" stage and is just not listening to me or dh when it comes to asking him to do something, telling him no, getting him to do something. I know he is testing us and im sure its just a phase but we're not sure what to do re how to discipline him. My dh goes for the shouting route, but i worry the more he does this the less affect it has (plus i just dont like him shouting at our little boy). Im more for the explaining route and naughty step if its bad. But he doesnt seem to be getting better so i worrythat nothing is actually having an impact. maybe one day it will just click and he will stop being naughty??

i go to places and people always comment on how "spirited" he is - at first i saw this as a compliment but now realise thats a polite way of saying "ruddy difficult"!

Any advice welcome!

What worked for us:

• just calmly lift him up and take him to his room and quietly close the door saying that you will be back when he calms down. He might try to get out, slam doors etc , just take him back. again and again. Until you see he has calmed down and then talk to him.
• naughty corner worked well, too
• if you are at home you can ignore his shouting and say that you will listen to him when he speaks normally

-works really well, when I ask to do something and he ignores me, I say "I am repeating it last time, please do this or that"

hope this helps.

thanks - will give that a go. sometimes its not even as if he needs calming down its more just that he doesnt do what we ask. I guess we're only really worried cos when he runs off and we say stop, he just doesnt and if thats on a main road, then it's so dangerous. x

Blindgirl I like your advice about taking him to his room etc.

You could also knee down to his level and ask him to look at you. Speak in a low but firm voice and let him know you are speaking to him. Then let him know that what he is not very nice.

Dont think you are the only one. I have four children and childmind five. I have experienced behaviour at times that has not been very nice. Be firm, be consistant! The message will hit home.

Reward good behaviour, make a fuss, well done! and correct unacceptable behaviour. It becomes harder, if you dont, espeically when you are outside the home. Deal with it early.

Children will test your patience at times. It not so much what they do but how you deal with it.

As much as possible, praise the positive and ignore the negative. Praising something will generally lead to your child doing more of the same, they have enjoyed the postive attention and want some more.

Try and find different ways of asking your LO to do things and use distraction to move on from confrontations so... try saying 'can you help me put the bubbles in your bath' instead of saying 'time to stop playing and go to bed'.

I'd also suggest practicing skills like stopping on command. When walking in the park, I used to let my DD run ahead a little and then I'd call 'Stop'. When she stopped I'd praise her and say what a clever girl she was to stop etc. and we would repeat this as DD treated it like a game. Eventually she got the hang of the idea that when I call stop she has to stop straight away, she'll get lots of praise and not be in trouble.

Hope that makes sense. Trying to type while my 2yo DS tries to eat my hair.

Before doing this, I'd take a look at some of the threads on the Parenting topic. There are a variety of ways to parent. You will see many threads on discipline, the naughty step or parenting without punishment, unconditional parenting and so on.

make time for 1to1, praise positive behaviour. make tasks fun (we sometimes use a timer to get dressed, set it to 3 min and see if he can do it before it rings).
make sure he sleeps enough and gets plenty of excercise (outside).
with my 2year old, if he doesnt listen, I get down to his level to talk to him. if hes agressive I remove him from the situation and let him only come back when hes calmed down. I dont press for a "sorry" it*s only a word, behaviour and genuine emotions are far more important imo.