Going round the bend with 8week old insomniac..

[renegadesoundwave]

No idea whether this should be a breast feeding/ general/ mental health topic but too tired to work it out at the moment..

DD is a seriously light sleeper when she does actually sleep. Have tried breast feeding on demand which usually means a feed every two hours or so - DD has no problems with it and is gaining weight OK but I find it hard going physically and emotionally (will probably get flamed but I hate having my norks out all day leaking all over the place and miss my flat chest ). During the day she sleeps for a maximum 15 mins at a time which just about lets me shower and that's it. At night the most sleep she gets is probably 2.5 hours and it can take that long again to settle her after a night feed. Usually she wakes up crying and will only settle after several hours of walking around with me holding and shushing her (actually the sound that seems to soothe her most is my own crying )

Have been stuck in the house on my own with her for weeks now - had an EMCS so can't drive until the doctor signs me off and can only walk around our very boring neighbourhood. She's OK if we're out walking with the pram - unless she's hungry - but as soon as we're back in the house she cries again. I'm barely eating or drinking a thing because she's only happy if completely vertical and being carried against my chest, or half-sleeping across my knee propped up on my elbow (as she is now). Can't use the sling I bought on one of my rare outings since can't work out how to adjust the wretched thing and she screamed last time I tried putting her in it. Now she's started vomiting every time I change her and sleeping even less.

I have no idea what to do. I can't see how I can cut out allergens in case she doesn't like my milk as I'm barely managing to eat anything as it is and can't have the time to make an allergen-free meal for myself (subsisting on dry toast most of the time as it's the only thing I can make with one hand!). Things seem to be getting worse not better and I can't see an end to it. I'm scared to feed her in case she vomits, scared not to feed her in case I'm damaging her in some way, scared to put her down in case she vomits, scared to carry her as it's killing my back....

Told HV this and she seemed to think that as long as DD is feeding (oh yes) and gaining weight steadily (which she is), I should just keep putting her in her moses basket every so often and 'keep her on that breast as much as she likes' - that'll be 'permanently' then. Doctor reckons she's fine and I'm just a bit run down - sure thing but short of walking round in circles for ever in the hope that she sleeps or running away I can't see how I can improve things. Can't even go to the PND support group because I can't drive to the bloody meetings.

Sorry this is such an epic post - guess I just need reassurance of some sort that things might get better [sad sad sad]

For a start this isn't going to go on forever no matter how much it feels like it just now.

I guess she's been checked over thoroughly by your GP - if not get that done.

You do have a right to put her down for long enough to make yourself a meal, have a shower,etc. Yes it's hard to let her cry but she needs a healthy mum so you're not doing her any favours by denying yourself decent food.

You need to try the sling again whether she screams or not. Once it is sorted it could be a godsend.

My first was a limpet and she had me climbing the walls just like you. I was desperate and so tired I couldn't think straight.

Do you have somebody who can take her for a couple of hours? If you do ask them. You need some breaks and it won't do her any harm to scream for somebody else. Do not let the guilty mother syndrome stop you doing it.

Please try a dummy if you haven't already or try offering her your clean little finger with the nail cut short to suck instead of your boob.

I wish you were next door to me - I'd take her for a walk right now.

HTH

I just wanted to respond to you. Not much comfort at the moment, but these weeks will soon pass, terminal though they seem at the moment.
At 8 weeks, she should be able to take a bottle of expressed milk. Once she is used to a bottle, try a formula feed last thing at night as formula stays in their stomach longer than breast milk, gives them more of a full feeling and she may sleep longer. Ignore anyone who says bottle does not mix with breast - rubbish. Just make sure you breast first fully.
Are you swapping breasts during a feed? My first DD I made the mistake of leaving her on the first breast for ages, ie an hour, thinking that I must empty it first but by DD2, I realised that it was empty even though there is always a trickle coming out. So make sure you swap over after 15/20 mins maybe.
At 8 weeks, she should also be able to be managed into some kind of routine for her naps and the best way I found was to walk her out in the pram at those nap times, she always fell asleep and after a few weeks, I could time her nap to a minute and gradually put her in her cot at lunchtimes for alonger nap. Don't worry about leaving her sleeping outside in the pram, just make sure she is safe from cats and insects.
Can your OH take her for the evenings so you can nap?
Also, forget everything else in the house, as soon as she sleeps, so do you!
Babies do spew a lot so hopefully if she has been doctor checked nothing wrong there, but if worried, ask the doc to check for reflux, this can be very painful.
Babies are designed to be attention seeking so she will by now be used to be rocked to sleep, held all the time etc. If you want to get her out of those habits, you will need to be prepared for some crying to sleep, wether you do this is up to you. Personally, if she is fed, changed, and you know she is tired, I think it does no harm to settle her, leave her, if she crys, check up on her, rub her back, don't pick her up, leave her again.
Good luck,

Just wanted to confort you and to agree with some of the other responses.

If she has had a good feed, then put her in the moses basket, and leave her in a different room whilst you go and feed yourself. If it makes you feel better set a timer for say 15 minutes so you know you are not leaving her for too long. My mum made me do this when my DD1 was tiny, it doesn't necessarily help the baby, but at least you get to eat, and if you eat properly baby will too.

Also to confirm that you can mix breast and bottle. I put all mine onto one bottle a day from about 8 weeks. I found the babynat formula to be the best, baby wouldn't take the others after the breast. One bottle in the evening, preferably given by your OH, just gives you a little break. Personnally I hated expressing as it made me feel like a cow, and in any case if baby is feeding all the time when are you going to get the time to express?

It will get better, but where you are now is a tough place, you are doing the absolute best for your baby, but you need to cut yourself a little slack.

I can totally sympathise with you I have a 6 week old DS.

The difference is he is a 4th baby and has to be left to cry sometimes. I cannot tend to him all the time and I will leave him to cry to have something to eat as well, today I had a quick bowl of cereal for lunch. Cereal is a godsend fills you up, relatively healthy and made it about 30 seconds.

Which sling do you have, I would try and persevere with it, they do take a bit of getting used to.

Why can't you drive after 8 weeks I though it was 6 weeks?

Babies do sick up a lot, it can look like loads but probably isn't, why do you think she is allergic to your milk? I don't know if a bottle of formula is the way to go if you think she has allergies plus it might make her more windy and sick.

Just wanted to answer your post and say yes it does get better, just do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane. Where is your OH in all of this, I am asking as when mine comes in and the other DC are in bed he will often take the baby so I can have a break/shower/MN/sleep? You need to both work as a good team when you have DC otherwise it is a nighmare.

I just wanted to sympathise, my first was a cling-on and have now got a three week old feeding machine!

I would suggest that you need to stretch your feeds apart a little bit. If you feed all the time the baby will be snacking and not getting a belly-full, she will then need to feed again sooner and you'll be stuck in a cycle. I also hate having my baps out all the time, so I have gently started to stretch the time between her feeds. The best way to do this is, as suggested get out of the house, take her for a walk, get her to sleep anyway you can. Distract her from the immediate answer of feeding her.

Can you get your OH to take her out for a bit? I send mine out with DD2 every day, he goes out with her in the sling for an hour and runs errands, whilst I spend some time with DD1 (or panic washing, whichever is more urgent!) Somehow it is easier being outside, even if they're screaming, I feel.

Regarding the sling - I'm not sure what type you have. I have found them invaluable with both of mine but they do take a bit of practice. Can you spend a few minutes with a teddy getting all the fittings right before you experiment with DD? It will make you feel more confident.

Finally, I think as others have said, you need to stop berating yourself and trying to find answers. Babies cry, babies are pains and don't work as we expect. They cry for all sorts of reasons other than hunger, they could be overtired, over stimulated, windy or just asserting themselves!

It won't break them if they cry for a bit whilst you shower/ eat/ make a cup of tea. Pretty much everyone has closed the door and left a crying baby for a few mins breather. A few extra minutes crying won't hurt them and may well save your sanity!

You do sound pretty stressed, please, please get some RL help. Is there anyone who can come over and jiggle the baby whilst you eat or sleep? Just a chat with a grown-up might help?

I can and do massively sympathise but take a deep breath and repaeat after me this too shall pass!!!

Good luck

Thanks everyone -got DH to give her a bottle of EBM yesterday evening while I had a bath, which worked wonders for my back anyway! DH works long hours and is helpful when around, but does get back pretty late so I'm at the end of my rope when he does arrive. My mum drops by but seems to think the answer to everything is new curtains

The 4am feed and subsequent settle (or not) was the usual horror of feed/wind/settle/sleep/wake/change/settle/scream/wind/settle/scream/feed/wind/change/vomit/scream/se ttle/oh bugger it let's get her in with us, but hopefully that will improve once she's in a cot as she seems to be cramped in the moses basket.

Going for 6 week check this evening (due to mix up at doctors this was the earliest we could get) so will ask about reflux and whether I can drive yet - only having the four walls to stare at can't be helping. Shall keep you all posted..

Perhaps you could suggest your mum takes her curtain shopping!!!

Seriously, well done. Glad you've had a bit of a break. make sure you keep finding ways to make it happen.

I hope you get the all clear to drive now.

Sounds like a change to a cot would be a good idea, is there are reason why you are waiting.

And personally I would put the cot in a separate bedroom, perhaps it is you and your OH that is waking the baby and not the other way round.

This worked wonders for me, the first night my daughter slept in her own room in her own cot (at 6 wks old) she selpt through the night, and we never looked back.

Hope you had a better night last night and that you have had the all clear to drive, it must have been hard being stuck at home for that long.
I had an elective CS last year and drove after two weeks - the 6 week rule is actually not true anymore (unless you are told you musn't by a doctor, and you did have an emergency cs so maybe it took longer to recover). The 6 week rule was before cars had power steering, I spoke to my insurance company and they told me that they had no time limit on it and that when you felt well and safe enough to drive and had clearance from a 'health care professional' that you could. I know it's too late to help you now but if you have another CS it might be worth knowing. Good luck with your little one, it is hard work in the early weeks, but soon you'll be able to look back on it as a phase.