How to handle this?

[Careerminded]

My DS 3.10 has just told me he doesn't like another boy at pre school because he has brown skin.
Blimey, I am shaking. He talks about this little boy a lot and I can never work out if they are friends, or they don't get on or what.

I told him that was not a good reason not to like someone.
He asked why the little boy had brown skin and I said because his parents do and that maybe his Grandparents or their parents were from a different country where they have darker skin.

I then talked a bit about people's different hair colour etc and said that we may look a bit different on the outside but we are all the same on the inside.

Honestly, I feel really shaken by this.
I had to send him for his bath in the end as I was getting a bit annoyed and didn't want to make it a big deal (he tends to latch on to things if I make a big deal and we live in a very ethnically diverse area, this is NOT good for him to be spouting).

I am going to chat to the pre school leader tomorrow as she is fab and will hopefully help and maybe shed some light on if there is something else going on.

Can anyone give me some reassurance or help please? I thought kids this young were supposed to be colour blind.

I am mortified.

Kids at this age are becoming aware of their own identity and differences. For my DS (4) its girls are disgusting. I point out I'm a girl, some of his favorite play mates are girls, granny and grandma are girls.

It sounds like you handled it well. At present its just one comment? You could mention it to the preschool, or not highlight it and see if it was just an obscure testing reaction comment - possibly even being repeated and you've rationed the answer.

Thank you.
I guess I am finding him a bit hard to work out at the moment.
He has been hitting a bit at pre school too and I just can't seem to work him out and he has no explanation for things (probably because he doesn't know himself I am sure).

I think I will mention it. I'll see how I feel in the morning.

Thanks for replying though.

This happened with my dd(almost 5) - she had a book from school home but told me she didn't want to read it/like it because the girl on the cover had brown skin - rocked me to my politically correct core (wink) - I talked about different eye colour etc and was never mentioned again mind you sometimes she won't talk to someone if she doesn't like their shoes should be fun teenage years (grin)

Sorry it so long, but had to reply to this.

Could it be that other kids are reacting or saying things that he may have heard. It may be an ideal opportunity to perhaps get some books about people from different races, go through them and explain in more detail.

I am black and have been on the receving end. I grew up in a white area as a child and it was not always easy. I am very positive about myself now. I now live in area with people of different races.

My kids have friend from various backgrounds. Its great to see these children playing together. Thats what I want for my kids.

Its not so much what is being said, its how you choose to deal with it. I know for sure you will deal with this in the best way possible.

Children are so innocent. Its not that kids are colour blind, its that they do not really see colour as being an issue.

Poeple see my colour, but for SOME my colour is not a problem.

You mentioned the boy being brown. It could be that the little boy is of dual nationality.

I am a childminder and two of little ones are white. When I first met one of the little girls she looked at me in amazement, not in a bad way but rather in amazement. It could be that I was the first black person she ever saw. Being with my family does not make any difference to her. I love her so much.

I am sure you will know just what to say to him.

wigglesrock - thank you for your message. It is good to know I am not the only one who has had this shock!

Mum2bless - I grew up in a white are too. I never mixed with people from different races and it is something that I want to be different for my children.
The boy is Asian, but he did use the terms black and white which leads me to think they may have been learning about different races at pre school perhaps? It just seemed a very odd thing to come out with and I found it very confronting.
I will leave it alone with him for now as I don't want to give it too much attention, but if he says anything again I may well get some books to look at.

I love your attitude. If everyone thought as you do it would be a better world.

All the best and thank you for your lovely response...