How do I go about explaining periods to a 6 year old?

[Miaou]

I'm off to bed just now but thought I would pose this question and return later.

dd2 has discovered my sanitary towels in the bathroom - they don't usually get much use as I usually have a coil fitted, but I had ds 10 days ago so they are more "visible" just now. I noticed earlier today that one of the individual packets was torn open, and I think (yeuch) she has peeked in the bin at a used one (I wrap them up well, but this one was unwrapped - yuk yuk yuk!)

Anyway, I think I'd better talk to her (and dd1) about it all (dd1 is 8) - any tips on what to say/how much to tell them? I suspect they are very innocent about it all so I will be working from a basis of zero knowledge.

TIA.

I would be straighforward about it and just say, well, grown up girls have a bit of bleeding once a month, but it's VERY exciting because it means you can have a baby if you want to! Be positive and open.
Yesterday I had a bit of a leakage problem that I hadn't noticed, and my dd (aged 2.5) pointed at a spot of blood on the kitchen floor and ask what it was. But I didn't bother going into the whole menstrual story - at 2.5 she has a long way to go before she needs to worry about it. She has also noticed my tampons and pads - we call them 'mummy nappies'!

I would wait for her to ask! She is only 6 and only needs to know if she wants to know. Ir remember a friends daughter getting very upset about periods because she thought when she started them she would be old so her mum would die!!
My older son told me to throw away mt s.t. because if I used them we wouldnt have another baby!!!Although i thought i explained it well!!
One little girl on seeing tampons understood perfectly, but thought it must be hard to swallow them!!!
Joys of parent hood!!!

Having started my periods when I was 9, I wish my mum had explained things to me when I was 8. My dd's only 4 but she already knows that ladies have special times when they bleed and need to use sanitary towels, that these times are called periods and that they tell a lady that she could have a baby if she wanted one (she only knows because she asked the questions, before anyone thinks I've been teaching her stuff she doesn't need to know).

She asked me if sanitary towels were nappies, but I've told her no - I don't want her to think that I'm incontinent! She knows that only babies and young children normally wear nappies and I thought it would confuse her to think that I did. But having given her the answers to her questions, she realises that they're not like nappies at all.

Could you get something like Clare Raynor's The Body Book for you and your dd1 to read together? If you're not sure what to tell her, reading straight from a book and then answering her questions might be a good way to introduce it. But do tell her - I was terrified when mine came, and my mother just gave me a packet of towels and let me get on with it. She thought I already knew, but I didn't.

Similar thread.

What's wrong with menstruation? All women do it. (Unless there's a serious problem)
I'm all for telling it how it is. Euphemistic descriptions just make problems for later on. Grown ups are squeamish, but there's absolutely no reason why children should be, unless we pass it on to them.
I think it's important to make sure our daughters don't grow up thinking it's something embarrassing or to be ashamed of.
My Grandma used to call menstruation 'The Curse' fgs. .

Let's keep moving away from this ridiculous attitude. I don't want my daughter to grow up watching everyone skirt round the issue as if it were some 'curse'. We've hardly moved on from my grandma's day. Hence companies have only recently been permitted to advertise sanitary towels and even then they make a point of keeping it very general and using blue liquid making it as far removed as possible from reality.

Note also the shocked-and-disgusted reaction, even amongst enlightened women, to threads about the Mooncup. How sad that grown women are still squeamish and ashamed about something so utterly natural.

Don't let's pass this attitude on to our daughters. We've all seen the film Carrie. Remember?

Sorry for the rant but I'm amazed so many women still have difficulty beibng relaxed about something we ALL do.

As an aside, I do believe it's a good plan to distinguish between blood (from an injury) and blood in the mucous lining of the uterus which comes out during our period. Most children related blood to pain and injury so explanation is required.

Typos galore. In mad rush to get off mn before dh returns.

While I can see your point, Spidermama, I think girls that are very open about their periods, are also open to a lot of teasing from the vacant bints they have to go to school with. Teenage girls are not known for their tolerance

Sod the vacant bints. You can't expect our girls to be hampered in their development or made to feel shame about a natural process, for fear of teasing from 'vacant bints'.

It's easier to say "Sod 'em" when you're an adult and a parent. When you're 13, your peers are important to you, and you don't want anyone to think you're 'weird'.

Do see your point though. I am a 'sod 'em' typwe myself.

So it's 'weird' and liable to make a girl unpopular if she understands a natural process is it? I don't think so.

Have they asked any questions yet?

No, they haven't asked, but I don't see that as a reason not to tell them. I was a relatively early starter (aged 12), first among my peers, and my mum had prepared the ground well for me. The last thing I want is for them to end up in WWB's situation!!

I don't have a "do I/don't I" dilemma, as far as I'm concerned they should know, from me and soon, what it's all about.

Also as I said dd2 has been "investigating" so for all I know she could be quite worried about what she has found and she probably has questions that need answering, even though she hasn't asked. I suspect she hasn't asked because she has been told off numerous times for using my makeup, spraying my perfume etc and she thinks she will probably get into trouble if she admits to peeking at my sanitary towels!!

Good point re. the blood/injury thing, and some other good advice, thank you. Must go, ds has woken up, will check back later today.

It hasn't come up recently for me because I've got a 6 month old so haven't had a period for over a year but when asked I used to say something like this ...

'Women have tiny eggs inside and every month one comes out just in case it meets a seed and grows into a baby. It ususally doesn't so the seed and the comfy wall which was made to hold the seed need to come out'.

I take a similar line with reproduction, which has come up quite frequently as I have four.

My mum was similarly matter of fact with me and I've never had any problem with either subject. I must remember to thank her.

I thought I had done really well with dd, explaining it all and she nodded in all the right places. Then I came home from work one day to find dd had announced at the dinner table "You (ds1) are 12 so why don't you bleed every month!". Must have omitted a crucial piece of info!

Couldn't agree more re dropping the euphemistic stories.
As a teacher who does the sex ed at school (which is menstruation at Y5) I'm always shocked at how terrified some girls are at the thought of 'bleeding from a special place' as they've been told.
These mums think they have done so well to gently explain things to their DDs when all they've done is frighten and confuse them. IME, the girls who've been told in a clear and factual way, esp. those told matter of facly from an early age, are the ones who are most relaxed.
I don't have a daughter, but if DS asks early I'll take the same approach with him, otherwise I'll tell him @10yrs. We'll take the same approach to all 'sex' matters. This includes mastubation. It drives me crazy when parents sign the consent form to allow their kids to be taught about sex but ask them for them to be withdrawn from the session on mastubation. Why pass our hangups onto our children?
But that's a different thread. Sorry.

Not having a go, the gentle approach is better than nothing I suppose. Off my soapbox now!

I always find telling the truth both about periods and how babies are made the best policy. MY children just look at me like I am mad and walk away and no more questions....

No, Spidermama, I don't think it's weird. Ignorant teenagers being raised by ignorant parents might though.

You'll have to teach her to be witheringly bolshy at the same time.

Tell it like it is, Miaou.

My version went something like: Once a woman is older, every month her womb gets ready to grow a baby. If no baby grows that month, then the thick lining of the womb comes away. It looks like blood, but it has other tissue and mucus mixed in with it. I have a science background, so I'm quite happy using terms like 'nutrients' and 'tissue' with the children, but if yours aren't used to that you may need to let them in more gently. A runny nose is not a bad analogy for the body getting rid of stuff it doesn't need any more.

I also stressed that it isn't the same kind of blood that you get from cutting your finger and that it doesn't hurt, although you sometimes get a bit of a tummy ache.

And yes, you may need to follow it up with a discussion of how the baby gets there in the first place.

I really think you need to make sure they know the basics, Miaou, especially your eldest. Saying 'wait for them to ask' is all very well, but children are liable to pick up quite subtle messages and if they get the vibe that you're not comfortable talking about it, they may not want to ask. It is a difficult path to treat -- clearly you don't want to be forcing information on them that they're not ready for, but you do need to make sure you're sending out the right signals. Mine knew the details quite early, partly because there are some very over-sexualised children in their school and I wanted to make sure they got the truth before hearing the playground version. Clearly yours are in a more protected environment, but evey so I'd be surprised if they hadn't started trying to work it all out.

Having had a baby is a great time to start -- you can say that what comes away is the stuff that has helped the baby grow in the womb, and that something similar happens to women every month. You could then follow up by saying, "if you want to know more about how babies grow, I'm happy to tell you." I've also found it helpful to say, "Some people get very silly and giggly about things like this, but that's just because they're embarrassed."

Have just posted 2 parcels to you, btw!

hth

Miaou, I didnt mean not to tell them if they hadnt ask, I just wondered if they had and in what way, so you could approach depending on that IYSWIM.

I do think that you should keep it fairly simple at their age, maybe explaining the period bit without the baby bit (if thats possible!) and then 'add' to it later.

I do agree that it should be kept factual and no silly words such a 'curse' etc..

show them the trick with the {clean} tampon in a glass of water

BUT explain it doesn't go that big inside also get them to put it up through the applicator thingy

DS and I did this few months ago {BUT he is 10 so could explain better to him}

I wish I had explained it all earlier though

Thank you very much everyone for your input. I think I will choose my moment over the weekend and explain it all to them. There are lots of good ideas here.

Fortunately they've got a bit of a head start in that we did the "where a baby comes from" talk when I got pregnant with ds! So I can build on the knowledge they already have.

Will look out for the parcels, frogs thankyou!

I do think it's really important to make sure that they are comfortable with the whole thing. Girls are starting their periods earlier and earlier (I understand that's related to better nutrition, as it's a body weight related thing), so starting at 9 isn't that unusual any more.

Also I think it's important for boys to know too. My mother gets really bothered if me or my sisters leave packets of towels or tampons in the bathroom when we stay with her - in case my father sees them. What's that all about? He had three daughters fgs!

I have told ds and dd (6 and 4) the basics, because we don't close the bathroom door, and I use towels (although thinking about mooncups/softcups lately), so questions were asked. Also I get bad cramps on day one, and I think it's easier just to say that's because I have my period.

Not sure why there should be teasing really - I have told my two it's a private thing, and I can't really see why they would be telling other children about it and get grief? I am quite teasing sensitive (both dh and I were bullied as kids) but I've not come across this one before.