Agressive 5 y.o. "friend"

[blindgirl]

Hi, I need advice on how to deal with my 4 y.o. son?s ?best? friend who just turned 5.

Every time my 4 y.o. says he will not play that game or that game, basically says No, this other boy who is 5, physically attacks him. In my opinion, he is very aggressive, temperamental and has temper issues. He yells all the time, has no respect for his mum, yells at her, ignores her, he is whiny and spoilt. His favourite toys are guns and his favourite game is ?lets? fight?. Now, my boy is not an angel, he is super active, can be quite rough, strong willed and stubborn. No guns or violent films in our house. Compare to last years behaviour he is doing so well this year, he listens to me, I can reason with him, occasional push or smack to other child but overall he is playing with other kids no problems.

When we meet this kid, everything goes down the drain. After 10 mins. together mine turns into this 5 y.o. monster. Okay, I understand kids are copycats but I do not like how this other kid gets violent towards mine. It is just too much and too aggressive. Not push, but he will take a stone and start bashing him on a head repeatedly. Or comes from the back running and head butts him. Other parents expressed their concern to me, they said this boy has temper issues and they need to see someone.

My relationship with my kid suffer, too. I end being cross with mine for not listening to me and we just have awful time together.

Our boys just met 3 months ago and soon boy and his family will move to different area. But for the couple of months we are stuck literally on the same street. We live nearby and kids go to the same daycare 4 days a week. No problems at daycare, many kids around help, I think. We go to the same shops, the same playparks etc. I am starting to avoid them but I think this boy?s mum doesn?t get message. Also, we are invited to boy?s birthday party in a week.

How to deal with this?

Thanks.

avoid avoid avoid, you don't have to be mean, just pre emptive.

Go exploring somewhere else while you tread the same ground, parks and shops etc.

a child that behaves like this is not born of subtle parents so his mum is unlikely to receive or act on any "message" you send, infact perhaps its not up to you to send any message?

Party, double book, lots of apologies at door / and then pop in for a hello and a birthday wish and flee / leave at just the right moment. No build up, no lies, no headbutts. Good luck

It's really hard - we have child on our street who hits dd and mum doesn't do much about it. So we avoid most of the time. It's only really hard because dd really likes the child, I just can't stand the way he treats her. No answers really except that looking after your child is worth a bit of social embarrassment. And that I sympathise.

Sounds like the other child may have some special needs ... have you considered that ? 5 year olds aren't usually 'violent' unless they have behavioural problems

I know exactly what you mean! My 4yo DS is usually fairly well behaved but his 5yo best friend at school (who also lives across the road) is a horror, who is very aggressive and just does what he pleases with no discipline from his mum. When other mums and I have tried to approach the mum about his behaviour we get the stock repsonse "I'll have a word with him later"

I know I can't stop them playing together at school but I've started to limit the time they play out together. As others have said, lots of excuses!

I think you have to accept that you can't control who they're with during school hours. All you can do is make sure your DS understands what is acceptable to you. It may be hard if he is disciplined and his mate isn't but there's not a lot else you can do.

Thanks for all your replies. So far so good, we have not seen them for a while.

I think this boy needs discipline, as far as I see there are no consequences for his behaviour. Mum is yelling at him that he must stop fighting he does not give a damn. No respect to adults and generally totally ignores "No, you cant". He can go and rummage through my buggy because "he wants something to eat" and open my handbag to search for something. When I say he cannot do it, response is "Why? But I want to". On a few occasions if my kid's done what his friend did I would just take my child home, no play park, no tv for that evening etc.

His mum just says "he is a boy! they all like that". Also, I think the fact that he is watching Spidermand, Ironman and guns are his favourite toys certainly affects his behaviour. His little 2 y.o. brother is a trouble, too. I wonder if he is copying his Big Brother. Little one goes after babies and scratches and punches their faces.