Im at the end of my rope here...

[irishma]

Hi all,

Long time lurker, first time talker.I really need advise.I'm sitting here crying after another stressed day with my 4 year old son and I dont know what to do...

I went to collect him from pre-school today to hear he had his worst day yet, stone throwing, shouting, crying tantrums...

He is normally good but to be honest he is my only child and I babied him so much in the first 2-3 years.It is only now he will finally dress himself, go to the toilet properly etc. So I can see that his behaviour is partly my fault. But this constant boldness is wearing me down. HE WONT LISTEN!!!Every time you say something to him he looks vacant at you.He is very bright and listens to what he wants to hear like 'lets go to the park'.I even got his hearing checked so it aint that.

So when he is bold he is bold.And Ive tried everything, charts,rewards,taking away toys,naughty step, books such as how to talk so your kids will listen etc...

He has everything he needs, Im very active with him even though Im often sore or unwell.He dad is here and spends loads of boy time with him but he is just so angry....

So???Any tips words of encouragement or similar stories for me?I appreciate the help!

Hi there - have you tried 'Raising Boys' by Steve Biddulph? It's quite a good and easy read and helps you get the whole boy behaviour thing in perspective. They should have it at the library.

I feel for you as I have twin boys who are quite challenging at times. All boys are I think around the 4 year stage - they have a surge of testostrone and need to use it up somehow...

It's not a case of whose fault it is that he's like this though - just a case of what to do now. I'd try to ignore bad behaviour whenever possible and praise every little thing he does right - that way he might start to thrive on positive attention instead of negative ones, and become more confident. At that age they are really starting to assert themselves and wanting to be independent, but it's a scary process for them, especially if they're not used to doing things for themselves or feel insecure socially.

Keep on trying and talking about it - your hard work will pay off and it will get better!

Thanks BarbaMamma...I do need t relax though it does seem like its constant with him.....

Ive just seen the book and it has rave review so ordered...

Thanks for replying though..its nice to have somewhere to vent and get advice!

My son is 5 and he has recently found his voice and I too babied him as he is my youngest and I lost his twin.

I am making a hash of things but I wish I had started younger with knocking the bad behaviour on the head so I would say pick your battles and be consistent.

Also boys have a lot of energy so he needs tiring out!

Hi, my 3YO DD is exactly the same, she is normally so sweet but lately she has turned into the devil, throwing things, shouting, hitting, screaming generally being really awful, not listening and disobeying etc. I know it's totally normal but i find it soooo hard.

As you said just now fabisgettingfit i feel like i'm getting it wrong, i try to be the hippy calm mummy sho doesn't get affected but boy it's hard. I can't sit there and let her hit me and be really awful?

I wonder if boys are different to girls at this stage or if they are both struggling with hormones and emotions the same?

If she hits you say NO firmly and move away from her.

I've had a similar evening with my DS who is also 4 - you're not alone.
I find that when he is tired/hungry it's worse so try to stay calm with him & give him food/start bedtime routine early if necessary.. I keep telling myself that he is only 4 and ask him why he's acting this way, and tell him how his behaviour makes me feel (sad & cross mostly!) It is a tough age so stay strong!