Clingy & tears: driving me crazy but am I to blame?

[GigglyWrinkles]

Hello

DS is 4.5 and due to start Reception in Sept. He has been going to the same nursery that feeds directly into the school since he was 3.

He's been a really happy boy and always walked in, played etc until just before Eater. Now he's like a totally different boy.

He's clingy; tearful; wants me more than Dad; writes "Mum xxx" when he can; is hateful to me when I'm with him and tearful when I'm not. I've tried being calm, cuddly, firm, talking to him. Am I missing something? What's going on here? I don't want to 'shoo' him away if there's an issue, yet I don't want to pamper him if that's the wrong thing to do too.

This morning he hit another child younger than him because the child came too close to me. Wouldn't say sorry and yet was beside himself with real tears and sobs.

I do work long hours, but I'm home 2 or 3 days a week. I am here most of the time to put him to bed but I am at a loss of what to do to help him through this.

Please give me some help here!

nothing really to say but feeling for you. You'll see from my post elsewhere on this section that I have issues with similar aged dd. different but bring out the same feelings in me of is it my fault and whether it is or not, what do I do. So hope someone helps and hang on in there.

Well, we should have a support group as the mothers of four year olds, methinks!
FWIW I don't work outside at the mo and I'm getting some of the same with my DD. I think it's tiredeness, personally.. They need a holiday and the break from routine as much as we do..

oh yes great idea! Apart from anything it would make me see that there are just some things that are four year old and not due to my parenting. another thing - the silly over the top voices. Or is that just mine. But maybe I should start another thread because that's a side track from OP, sorry.

Must drag up the melodramatic whingers thread from a while back.. that might help too!

HAve to get her all gorgeous for a birthday party now!

Have you discussed this with the nursery staff? They may be able to give you some insights. He sounds very insecure/unhappy. Maybe something has happened/changed at nursery?

Hello again. I spoke to his key worker at pick up time. She told me he was fine within seconds of me leaving. I know that can be the case, but I was wondering about his behaviour towards me.

I'm thinking that mamsnet may have a point about the tiredness as he's up everyday at 6am (regardless of how much I try clocks, putting back to bed etc) - as soon as he wakes up, that's it..full on until bedtime. Then he's soooo grumpy it takes twice as long to get him to bed and wind down. I'm thinking of bringing his bedtime routine forward a bit so that he is in bed asleep at the supposed 7:15-7:30pm instead of the 8pm it ends up at currently. (Not through want of trying!!!)

I'm also wondering if the fact that he moves up to reception next term has worried him. His teacher mentioned that some children worry about it, so if that is the case, I wonder what I can say/do that may calm his fears....I suppose it's a bit like one of us changing jobs/departments - apprehensive but without the life skills to cope possibly? (I wish I could cry and hold onto my Mum somedays!!)

I find his age a real challenge for me. Not a baby - not a toddler - not able to do enough for himself yet but wants to. Tizzies galore.

FWIW mine were in bed by 6.30 at that age. They need an awful lot of sleep, and actually don't sleep well if overtired/overstimulated. Bringing bed time forward, with a very calm winding down hour beforehand could make a lot of difference.