are your dcs confident / "pushy" and were they born that way?

[GoingPostal]

only ask as I am getting a bit sick of ds (who is only 3.1 to be fair) being constantly pushed aside in the playground / on bouncy castles etc etc by slightly older children, around 5-7 yo say.

some of ds's friends are far more likely to stand their ground, or wriggle their way to the front etc whereas ds just gets trampled on or pushed aside.

Am wondering if this is how he's always going to be or if he can grow some slightly sharper elbows! (am not massively pushy myself btw)

don't know if it's unreasonable to expect children to be a bit more considerate - part of me would like ds to stand up for himself more, part of of me hopes that he will actually continue to be a gentle soul who aged 5-7 won't just barge his way past littler children.

Ds was the same. At 10, he is still a gentle soul and tbh I have come round to thinking that this is not actually a disadvantage at all. He is very popular at school, so he does not get pushed to one side: his mates wouldn't stand for it. Other parents like having him round because he is pleasant and considerate and kind to smaller children. I suspect he will get further being gentle than some of the other children will being pushy.

Hmmm... This is a tough one. My DD (2.9) is very confident but she's not pushy. I'd like her to be a bit pushier, tbh. I think the problem may arise because I've taught DD to take turns (which is reinforced at nursery) and "play fair" and some other children don't seem to be taught the same things.

If a child does push in front, I'll just say something like "how rude" and now DD does it too. I have tried to explain to her that not everyone is kind but it seems such a harsh lesson before she's even three.

Hmmm... This is a tough one. My DD (2.9) is very confident but she's not pushy. I'd like her to be a bit pushier, tbh. I think the problem may arise because I've taught DD to take turns (which is reinforced at nursery) and "play fair" and some other children don't seem to be taught the same things.

If a child does push in front, I'll just say something like "how rude" and now DD does it too. I have tried to explain to her that not everyone is kind but it seems such a harsh lesson before she's even three.

Don't know why that posted twice - sorry!

Older children can often push in front of littler ones at playgrounds - harsh, but just 'the way of the world'.

But yes, some children are more confident than others at standing up for their rights. My DS would have constantly had kids of his own age pushing in front of him aged 3, as he was very shy. Now nearly 8, he's much much more confident, although still basically reserved and sensitive.

my 3.3 yo DD sounds similar to your DS. She does get a bit left behind when there are large groups doing rough and tumble activities. The flip side is that she's very popular in terms of going to play at people's houses. Other parents comment on how well she shares and takes turns, when often at this age "playing together" results in total carnage. So socially, her laid-back nature has as many advantages as disadvantages, IMO.

Interesting thread.
DS1 who is 2.7 is younger, but the same. Always backs off when other kids queue up behind him, shares well, never snatches and will let other kids take toys off him (sometimes I intervene and encourage the other child to wait, sometimes I hope DS1 will keep hold of the toy himself and don't do anything). I worry that he misses out a bit, as he forgoes his turn on things if other kids also want to go on something.
ALways in a quandry whether to leave him to it or stand up for him (often going for the latter though, but he is still quite young).

interesting replies, thank you. ds isn't brilliant at sharing ... not because he grabs or snatches, but because he ends up crying whenever anything is snatched from him. And his version of a tantrum is, essentially, to cry. Which makes me think he's going to be a bit soft. Now I don't mind gentle or thoughtful but there is a spectrum in my head which runs:

Wet - Soft - Gentle - Confident - Pushy

and I would hate for him to be at the Wet end of things - though I am not keen on brash pushy kids either oddly enough! Can't imagine there is an awful lot that can be done to get him to be more confident - suspect that being more pushy for him will have the opposite effect, like trying to force shy children to talk to people.

oh and I am on my own with him so I worry that lack of a strong male role model may also have an effect.