Whinge whinge whinge, 9mo won't stop whinging, it's normal right?

[MrsChemist]

I am getting so bloody sick of the whinging and crying. He just seems to do it all the time. It's mostly because he wants things he can't have, but he always wants something he can't have, like the telephone wire for instance.

Sometimes he'll cry for something, I'll pass it to him, for him to just start up whinging again a minute later.

Part of me thinks that it's just natural, he's old enough to know what he wants, but too young to understand that he can't always have, but it's so bloody depressing. The soundtrack of my life has become a low level waaaaaaaaaaaaaah of annoyance.

I don't like seeing him so miserable all the time as well. I try to do things to distract him, to keep him happy, but it rarely works for very long, and there is only so much messing with plastic tat that I can take.

I try to get out as often as possible, and he likes to go out, but some days it's just not possible and then he spends the whole day letting me know that he wants to play with the cat/the fire guard/the TV/the phone etc. and I am a cruel mother for not letting him.

Does it ever end or is this a sign of things to come?

My DD absolutely adores her 'treasure basket'. Basically I found a small basket and filled it with crap lovingly chosen items which will not harm her. There's:
A silicone pastry brush
Some linking rings
A penguin wash mitt
2 wooden spoons
2 different wooden massagers
Some ribbon tied in a non-strangling way
A shaker
A squeaky mouse toy (cuddly toy, not cat toy)
A bottle opener
A piece of clipo (like stickle bricks but bigger)
A couple of wooden blocks
A couple of teethers
A wooden clacker (castanet-type thing)
A tea-diffuser

I do surf mumsnet monitor her while she plays with it, but she's quite happy unpacking it, packing it and throwing things and so on. I think she loves the fact there's stuff in there other than her toys.

He's not perhaps whinging beceause he's teething is he?

I don't want this to sound mean, but your OP sounds (to me) quite depressed.

He is a 9 month old baby. He isn't 'whinging.' If he is crying/complaining, his needs aren't being met.

Maybe he's in pain. Maybe he's bored. Sounds like he is frustrated. His job right now is to explore everything he can get his hands on. You are saying no, no, no to him all the time.

Spend some time creating a safe area in your home. Get rid of all the things you don't want him to touch, and get some fun stuff in. Make a den with chairs and a blanket. Make a treasure basket or 2. Get some musical instruments - shakers, rattles, etc. Some board books in a basket. Etc. If you need to get things done without him underfoot, wear him on your back in a sling like the Ergo, etc.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but it is not fair to blame your son.

ps plastic tat is boring and annoying, even for babies.

Gah, I've so been there. DD was very frustrated from 8 months til she crawled at 11.5 months. It was a looong and difficult time.

She's fabulous now and doesn't need anywhere near the constant interaction and entertainment she did at that age.

I feel for you as I know how tough it is. Is your DS moving at all yet?

My dd was exactly the same at nine months. It used to dive me up the wall and no, I wasn't depressed.

It all got better once she learnt to walk, she seemed to be so much happier and then so was I! So looking back I think it was just frustration for her.

I agree a treasure basket may be a good idea, but to be honest it did seem like my dd wanted everything she couldn't have. If she could have it she very quickly grew bored of it and would want something else. It used to drive me to the pulling hair out stage.

The only thing that made my days more bearable were getting out, staying in was like a living nightmare!

Just keep repeating 'it's only a phase', he will grow out of it!

Good Luck.

I agree with bytheMoonlight. My DD is almost 1 and she loves to explore all day long!!

It's getting better as she is becoming more mobile because she can get around and do all the exploring she wants (in a safe environment).

Do you have a park somewhere. Take a blanket and get out. I find I don't even need toys when we are outside. She is happy just playing in the grass and picking flowers and crawling after a ball. Fresh air does wonders.

The treasure basket sounds good, I might do one of those myself.

You can also try rotating toys. Get 3 boxes and pack different toys in each. Put 2 away and give him one then in a few days rotate it.

Yes, he is crawling, but he pulls himself up on the furniture and you can tell he really wants to walk, but he can't, so he cries. I've tried walking him about (holding him under his arms and letting him walk) but he doesn't like that. I'm hoping once he is walking it will get better, because he just seems so frustrated all the time.

All the things he isn't allowed are out of reach, and it is safe, but he can still see all the things he can't have, and short of completely emptying the rooms of everything but baby things and sofas/beds, there is little I can do. I know he's trying to explore, but I can't meet his needs to explore at the expense of his safety.

I have a large bookshelf and the whole of the bottom shelf is full of cuddly toys and board books and noise things, which he can get to whenever he wants, but they just don't hold his attention for long.

I think I might try rotating his toys, because it did occur to me that he has a lot of them and he probably doesn't even know where to start with them. Board books are his favourite, but he gets frustrated if he can't open them, cue more crying.
I like the idea of a treasure basket of bits and bobs that aren't toys as well. He loves string, and spoons and see through things, so I'll hunt around the house for stuff like that.

ds was like this. I tried a treasure basket (among many other things) but tbh he got bored of that within 3-5 mins too

The answer for me was to make any activity short (1.5 to 2 hrs max). So we did lots of changing the scenery

I didn't stay in the house all day with ds ever for the first 3 years of his life. Even if he was ill we would go out for a walk with him wrapped up at some point in the day.

If we went out he would be OK for a while as there was something new to look at but within an hour or so the crying would start again even if he had been fed/slept etc so we would change the scenery again (i.e go home, go to shop, a differnt park or walk somewhere else)

our home routine was

Usually up at 5am play a bit with DS bit, make breakfast wash, dress etc. He would cry on and off quite a bit. The mornings were always very difficult as he woke so early and there isn't much you can do that early with them.

Out of the house to some activity/walk by 9am at the latest (Dc then would cheer up for a bit)

Usually had snack and lunch out of the house or sometimes came back for lunch

By then ds crying again so back home for sleep. He didn't slept out of the house in the buggy - just started to cry and carried on crying for ages. If he didn't nap at home I would get quite stressed as I knew we would be in for a bad day! but at this age he did generally

woke from sleep (when he slept) usually crying - Then out of the house again - usually cheered up again then generally had a snack out too .

Then when crying again back for tea/dinner and the 5pm-6.30pm grizzle/play/grizzle then bedtime

Then would start again

I know you say it is not possible to go out every day bu quite frankly I made it possible as it was what kept me sane.

I think ds would have been a happier subsequent child. In busier households where there is more going on, babies often seem happy just watching the goings on.

Ds was my first (and only) and I think he needed to be more part of a more busy household. On the other hand he did get over stimulated and had trouble sleeping out. So in many ways he'd have been happier at home more so that he could eat and sleep at home but only if there was a lot going on to look at and interact with between times.

As none of this was possible I did the best I could and provided more of intrerest by going out more.

Bumbling is right - we were out of the house every day, for most of the day. Sometimes we'd been home 20 minutes and I'd end up driving into town straight after tea just to get out of the house again!!

I always said DD would have been a perfec second sibling too.