Security Object - increasing attachment

[TZS]

Advice please! My 2.5 year old has a soft toy called "ele" (its a rag with an elephant head, v common, made by Jellycat, I am sure loads of yours have the same one!) which he has had for sleep times pretty much from birth - he sucks on the arms, it is quite revolting but he loves his ele! In the last week his attachment to this security object has increased exponentially. Now that he knows exactly what he wants and can tell me he is demanding ele alot (nearly all of the time) especially when he is told "No" about anything. He wants to take ele everywhere.

Its not ideal for us as we now have to keep a constant eye on a toddler a baby and now ele who gets e.g. thrown from the buggy, dragged on the ground and of course the arms do now get rice cakes and other snacks chewed into them (again, revolting)! but we have 4 and have always washed them so I am not too worried about the hygine aspect!

I'd love to be able to get him to leave ele in his cot and only need the security/comfort at sleep times... any advice gratefully received! Thanks in advance.

My dd is younger but she went through a similar thing with her blankety bear a while ago when she suddenly wanted it all the time.

We just let her have it when she asked (also have a spare!) and the phase went away again and he mostly stays in bed now. I did tell her he likes being in bed and gently encouraged her to pop him back in bed before she went downstairs but didn't try and stop her having him when she asked as I think if you do that it'll become more of an issue.

It's quite sweet though seeing how happy she is to see him when she goes to bed, it'll be a sad day when he is no longer needed!

my dd wanted her blankie everywhere we went. They were just white muslins so we had loads. It carried on until she started pre school and they told her she would have to keep it in the going home box as she was a big girl. After that she decided to keep them at home and mainly just at bedtime. She is 5 now and still has one in her bed at night!

MY DS now nearly four has a dogs head on a rag thing,(It amazing how much personality what is esentially a head can have, doggy gets up to all sorts). He would have carried it around constantly if we let him but it got in the way of his playing as he constantly had it and his lovley and no nonsense childminder said he needed to stop having access to him all day as he was spending all his time gaurding the dog from other children. Also the fear of losing it was terrible as we had lost one and the new replacement was too clean and he never accepted it. So we never took him out of the house and he only had him for sleeping at the child minders and if he was carrying him around too much at home we distracted him or made him choose a special 'watching place' for the dog so he could watch him playing. Soft aren't we?! He still loves him deeply and insists he has healing powers and if he hurts himself will always want the dirty, thread bare dog held against his bumped head or knee.

Going off on a slight tangent but at what age did your DCs develop these attachments?

My DD is just 1 and has got a bit of separation anxiety at the mo (teething too). I was thinking I would quite like it if she would get attached to some object to reassure her while I go to the loo! But as yet no real sign - apart from her dummy, which she is very fond of and MUST have in order to sleep (she doesnt have it the rest of the time).

Firstly thank you all so much for replying! This is my first post and its great to hear we are not alone.

we are now allowing ele when asked for nicely (i.e no whining and a please!) and then gently encouraging DS to leave ele in his cot saying that ele likes being in the cot and that ele will always be there is DS wants to go and find him. Hopefully this way he'll get through the phase before starting a few mornings at nursery in September.

To answer Bumpsadaisie, both my DSs had ele/muslin from birth to sleep so the attachment probably started then. I guess keep reassuring her and showing that you come back to try and teach her not to worry so much. Good luck!

Firstly I think you need to buy a back up ele in case of loss (he may not be fooled if you did lose the no.1 ele, but you could say it was ele's cousin or something), then I would start instituting rules, e.g. ele can be in the house or in the car but not in buggy / playpark / other people's houses etc. DD2 (now 3.4) is obsessed with her muslins, I have plenty so it's not a loss worry more that I couldn't cope with her dragging it along the street and through the muddy park, so once she was walking and running around everywhere (soon after 2) I drew a line i.e. only allowed it in the house and car. She soon understood the rule as I was strict about it and after the first couple of days didn't make a fuss. As she approached 3 I made it v clear that once she was 3 muslins had to stay only in her bedroom. She accepted this (although occasionally with a big sigh would say 'mummy I wish I was still 2 and could bring raggy downstairs') without any major problems and will pop upstairs for a quick snuggle a few times a day.

DD1 (5) still has her comfort blanket in bed and loves it with all her heart. DS (14 months) drags muslins around like his sister.

Bumps - I think the attachments start to form around 4 - 6 months (my 3 all did anyway), I would guess that the dummy actually is your DD's attachment object

We have the same blankie for DS1 (now 2.4) but we only have two (Sell me one of your four? )! I was looking on their website recently to get another and it seems they don't have it anymore as I do think they change their designs quite regularly... Just a warning!

My DS1 has started asking for 'blankie' all the time too. We are mean parents though, he tried to take it into the garden once and we told him that the fox will come and take blankie if he takes it outside (there is a fox that comes and goes into our garden quite a lot) and he quickly ran back to the door and threw blankie inside! So now if he tries to take 'blankie' out, we told him fox will take it. He is allowed to have blankie in the house all the time though but not out. If we are staying with friends or GPs etc, blankie gets packed into a suitcase for fox security!