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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am I carrying my 2yo too much?

13 replies

barrystea · 11/06/2010 17:45

My Dp wants to talk about our 'situation' but I don't think we have one. Neither of us is working at the moment as we have taken a career break and our with our brilliant 2 year old all day. She is fab - energetic, great fun etc, as all 2yo are. However she makes a lot of that 'noise' wanting things from me... and I don't mind at all. I am here for her, I pick her up and often she won't let me put her down (despite her being very confident). She hangs around my neck and grabs on like a monkey and most of the time I let her. I like it, she likes it and I figure that's what I am here for. My husband, however, says we have to sort it out, that it is a problem and that all the books - Christopher Green - say that I am wrong and that I have to put her down and be far more assertive. He says, whcih is true, that she doesn't play up with him and he has a much easier time of it. His criticism is getting to me. I don't understand why he can't just see that all is well and that she just needs buckets of attention sometimes. Or am I totally wrong?
Thanks a million!

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BelleDameSansMerci · 11/06/2010 18:55

I'm very similar to you, I think. Although my "whateverthehellheis" (DD's father) doesn't live with us we have a similar situation. DD (2.9) pretty much knows that I'll carry her; get things for her; etc and now that she's much heavier it's getting a bit much for me. That said, she is now able to understand that I can't carry her all the time and accepts that she has to walk and get things for herself now.

I'd say it's nothing to worry about just yet but you might want to gradually start getting her used to not always being carried by you as they do get quite heavy!!

I tried telling her that we'd run out of carries but since I'd joked about the same thing with cuddles it didn't have much impact. She'd just tell me she'd got a spare one in her pocket...

Original poster

barrystea · 11/06/2010 19:08

That is so lovely - I love it that she didn't believe for a second that you could run out of cuddles or carries. I suppose maybe some men feel a little left out and that might be at the root of it as well. She is only 2.1 and still quite light, although my left arm is becoming far stronger than my right. Thanks for your response - it is so appreciated.

OP posts:

BelleDameSansMerci · 11/06/2010 19:21

I think carrying my DD really helped me to lose my pregnancy weight, etc. I was slimmer after I'd had her than before. Now I don't carry her quite so much, the weight's creeping back on (but will be nipped in the bud if I can find some willpower). Also, you'll have fantastically toned arms.

More seriously, at 2.1 I'd expect you to still be carrying her a lot. Bit too early to be worrying about it IMO.

I think you might be right about your DP feeling left out. I'm not sure what to suggest on that front. I'm not very understanding with mine - he can like it or lump it - but we don't live together and I've always been quite, ahem, difficult

Al1son · 11/06/2010 20:07

You carry your gorgeous DD every minute of the day if you want to. She doesn't need to be put down and pushed away if she wants cuddles! Who can say what the right number of carries in a day is?

What I would say is that you should cuddle and carry her whenever you like or she likes but if you say 'no I can't' you must mean it. It's a very different issue from carrying too much but could it be what your DP really worries about? Who is in control? Who is choosing when you carry her? Is she crying to make you pick her up when it's not convenient? Are you giving in to her crying after you've said no?

That's the only thing I would worry about because you'll cause problems for the future if that's what's happening. If I'm barking up completely the wrong tree please just ignore me.

Original poster

barrystea · 11/06/2010 20:18

No Al1son you are not barking up the wrong tree - I think sometimes I find myself trying to butter toast, get dressed and put in my contact lenses all while holding a gorgeous little girl. I think I have to find the balance of being a little firmer sometimes and then other times carrying her around the house. I love carrying her, you see. It's such a lovely thing to have - and that closeness is so wonderful. Thanks for your advice. Will be a little firmer when I should be. x

OP posts:

CantSupinate · 11/06/2010 20:20

Three times in the last 2 weeks my 2yo has acquired bad cuts to head or fingers: fell in the garden, fell off a bed, door slammed on his fingers.

Frankly, I wish I had been carrying him around a lot more .

MarionCole · 11/06/2010 20:34

DS is 3.1 and I still carry him a lot!

dribbleandworse · 11/06/2010 21:24

Wish my 2 yr old would be more like that, have to fight him for a cuddle

Seriously though agree with Al1son but apart from that enjoy!

sleepingsowell · 11/06/2010 21:45

Your husband is worrying about nothing. This time will go quickly. as do all other times of childhood. Give your daughter what she wants and needs in terms of being carried/close to you. It's perfectly normal and healthy and you are giving her confidence in all sorts of ways. Do you have a sling? There are some I believe very suited to carrying toddlers and it gives you that closeness but some hands free time as well.

Time to put the chris green away for a bit and leave out something on attachment theory, maybe, for your husband to peruse!!!!

foureleven · 11/06/2010 21:51

I still carry my daughter and shes 4 so dont sweat it. it keeps your arms toned!

Mind you, i work full time and she palys for an hour when we get home so realistically its not that much i guess.

OTTMummA · 12/06/2010 20:27

My little boy is a heavy load, me and his dad can't carry him for long, i have spine and pelvic problems anyway, but he was getting to heavy at around 18 months!
He's not overweight, just very dense, and tall, 98th percentile, yet girls the same age as him seem to be light as a feather when i pick them up, not fair!

meandjoe · 13/06/2010 11:46

my ds is 2.10 and on the 91st centile for height and weight but we still carry him a fair bit! He is usually OK around the house but out and abouot he is constantly wanting to be picked up, sometimes cos he's tired, other tiemes just cos he wants a cuddle! it's fine if you don't mind it. i love it!

NellyTheElephant · 13/06/2010 20:10

I'd say buy a sling - I have a hotsling which I have always found great for a hip carry - so easy to use as just one loop of material and I could pop her in and out as needed and get on with stuff. The last time DD2 went in it she was about 2.10. Well and truly turfed out by DS now though. My cousin used one of those hip seat things which she swore by.

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