What to do with a 5 week old when awake

[chestnutlady]

I feel really silly even asking this question but I really hope some other mums out there feel where I am coming from and can give me some tips and pointers!

What I am unsure about is- do very young babies need playtime / stimulation?? Did you 'play' with your babies when they were 5 weeks old? I am at a bit of a loss as to what to 'do' with my daughter when she's awake. She mostly doesn't engage with people yet and doesn't take an interest in toys, seems nonplussed when I sing to her, but doesn't like to be laid down and left alone either. I am beginning to feel a bit useless and don't know what to do other than hold her !! So then I start to read but feel guilty that I am ignoring her.

I know I am probably worrying too much. But I'd love to know what other mums think about this and how you spent your baby's awake time when they were very young. Especially if tis ok to read or use the laptop / blackberry etc while holding them, essentially ignoring them.

Thanks for any tips or anything you can share!!

From a bewildered new mum

I've got a 16 day old baby and am wondering the same thing! She's hardly ever awake really but it seems just wrong to leave her sleeping all day like a lump....

Wear them in a sling, then you can do whatever you want while they lie about growing. Make the most of it - there be hard times ahead...

Oh if only I was back there again!!!

Make the most of it - DD now 4 and DS 15 months - knackered to say the least.

Honestly there is nothing you can do for them at this age other than love them so why not rest/play while you are doing that?

I agree with the sling. Now is your chance to take some long walks.

I used to iron using the sling (I am tall and have longish arms, so it was safe if I was careful).

I also invested in a battery-operated swing chair for my second baby, so that I could bath the toddler without wailing.

at five weeks not really. just blowing the belly when changing and generally having her close to you. dd will show you when she needs more stimulation by whining when left too long in one position. trust your instinct. and yes, I think it is ok to use the computer whilst you are holding her.

You sound like you are doing fine. At this age do whatever is instinctive. I remember my DD just loved to be held and I would chat away to her, or I would sit with her while I read. They let you know when they have had enough and the world itself is enough stimulation for them at this early age. They are listening and focusing and trying to sort out all the info they are receiving. My DD was sometimes over stimulated and consequently difficult to get off to sleep, I learnt the hard way. Just enjoy the closeness and if you relax so will they (I know how much easier that is said than done for a Darling first newborn). Enjoy these early days and weeks as they are very special and it really does go so fast.

Here here Hullygully. Make the most of the time when you can read/surf internet and post of mumsnet. There are times coming soon where you won't have the time to do any!

But on a serious note... as long as you are attending to her every need then its absolutely fine to do as you are doing. I remember feeling bewildered at what to do with them when they are so little so I set myself a little routine that I followed everyday which gave me ideas for what to do. I would write the routine for you but its prob best you try and think of one for yourself that fits into babies routine. Things that were in mine were:

Washing baby (top n tail)
Sing & dance (yes, I used to put some music on and sing and dance to it whilst holding him - he loved Chas n Dave!)
Walk outside/in garden whilst holding him, showing him plants etc
Walk to park/shops in buggy or in baby bjorn thing
Playtime on floor encouraging tummy time using pictures and books.

Just a few ideas for you but it will change very quickly and more demanding activities can be added!

Most of all enjoy it!

what hully said... and cherish every snuggly minute. It slips by so fast.

You're doing fine! My (non-mum) friends, were amazed at how contactable I was in the early weeks on email/facebook/phone because I really did have time when the baby was sleeping or sleepy. I think they thought I had some sort of miracle easy child - but IME most babies are like this in the early days. And definitely make the most of it!

One nice thing I did (thanks to a tip from a friend) was reading books to the baby. In the very early days I would actually just read from whatever adult book I was reading, and DS seemed to enjoy hearing my voice and I didn't feel so guilty indulging my own love of reading.

From about 8 weeks in he started to take much more interest in what was around I would lie him on the floor and I would lie next to him, holding a children's book (with lots of good pictures) up in the air over his head and read to him. It might sound silly at such a young age but he LOVED this - especially any books with silly rhymes or where I used funny voices. He would waggle his arms and legs around like mad and squeal away when he was a little older. We still love our reading together a few months on. (Though I never have time for grown up books any more!!).

Try signing up for your local baby massage course. They should do a free one at your local sure start childrens centre.

Otherwise, enjoy it! My DS is now 3 months and has gone from sleeping for 3 to 4 hours at a time to wanting to be constantly held meaning i cannot do anything - not even go to the loo!!

Make the most of it. Your DD is still blown away by the fact that she has hands. She doesn't need full on stimulation or learning from you, just gently including her in your everyday life. Really honestly you are being a fab parent even though it looks like nothing.

Have you seen this book:

What mothers do, especially when it looks like nothing

Please don't feel "silly" "useless" or "guilty"!!!

Another vote for the sling - totally invaluable. I had one of the soft fabric wraparound ones and it was brilliant. Little babies love to be held while you get on and do things.

Don't feel silly - I asked my HV this exact question and she just said - "talk to him". So I used to do a banal running commentary on whatever I was doing/could see...

TBH I don't think he minded just staring at the ceiling though

At 5 weeks, both mine watched me sleep, endless jeremy kyle while I had my feet in a foot spa, saw silly mummy with face packs on, looked around a thousand clothes/shoes shops, watched me drink a glass of wine with friends over a leasurely lunch. Ahhh to be back at 5 weeks....

Cuddle and snuggle on the sofa. And keep singing too, she is enjoying it even if she isn't showing her appreciation.

Wow what an amazing response, thanks everyone for all the encouragement and advice! I try so hard to be relaxed about it all and not worry, and to just follow my instincts, but sometimes that worry creeps in and takes over, especially when really tired!! It's so reassuring to hear other mums have gone through the same thing, and there
's some great suggestions for how I can 'play' or interact with her. Thank you!!

Don't worry.

I second wearing them in a sling while you wash up etc.

One thing I would do is talk to them - just chat about what you are doing etc - this will help their language and social skills. Oh I see cat says exactly the same thing!

You can read them simple books as well - I read to all mine from a few weeks old.

If you want to "do" something, I liked parent and toddler groups (not everyone does!) or NCT groups - for you not the baby at this age but still makes an outing.

Or you can take her swimming - find a place with a warm toddler pool and special sessions for under 5s.

Put her in a sling and live your life. Hang up the washing, go for a walk, visit friends, go to a museum, pick up the dry cleaning...whatever!

Good luck.

Stare at her in amazement?

Your baby will have all the stimulation she possibly needs just being out of the womb and into the big wide world, She will let you know when she needs extra. You worry about these things with your first baby, with the second you do not give it a second thought as it is just not an option!

What latoyotal said.

And Schulte is right, actually just looking at her is super important for her development!

walking with them in sling, massage, singing, reading, tickling, talking, bouncy chair, walking around garden, looking at hanging things, getting on with things while they watch and you talk about what you are doing... I remember following the Baby Whisperer - EASY (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You) guide and thinking what on earth do I do with him in between sleeps and feeds? what is activity? well apart form
the above I mostly just walked with him in the sling and got really fit and brown and loads of fresh sea air! relax, enjoy and trust yourself and your relationship.

My wife and I have tried everything with our 2 week old boy, with varying degrees of success.

Some days swaddling him works, other days soothing him seems to work, leaving him be to cry it out for 5 mins works on other days and other things the worm for the rest of the time. It's mind-bogglingly frustrating!

What we realise now is that BW is changing every day, so while he might be appearing to begin eating/sleeping to a pattern for a few days, it will suddenly change, because he is changing. We keep thinking we're doing something wrong, but we both now think that he is constantly changing and developing, and so our approach has to develop too. We have to he flexible to his needs, and not his to our wants.

He definitely seems more happy when he's latched on, but this means Linda isn't getting a good nights sleep, however we've just purchased a babybay/crib that fixes to the side of our bed and that is working well (meaning we don't have to transfer BW to a moses basket). Lnida simply gives him his late night feed then, after a few moments of settling, slides him across into the crib (into which we've placed a pre-warmed mummy-scented muslin as a thin pillow!).

Actually night times are better than days at the moment - he will go off at night for 2-3 hours at a time between feeds, but the past few days he just wont be put down! It's all over the place, but we keep telling ourselves it will get better, that he just needs to be shown love :)

We're trying to consider the idea that he doesn't want as much sleep as some other babies - he's healthy, gaining weight and looks ok, so we're currently trying more stimulation (cuddles, lullabies, patting/rubbing etc) before putting him down.

Good luck all :)

mines 8 weeks and loves to lie on his changing mat and will stay there for a good hour - i felt very guitly that i wasnt playing or doing anything with him so ive put my xmas tree up early and stick him right infront of it and put the lights in different flasshing patterns - he seems to abousoutly love it just lies there looking up at it (which is just waht he did on mat but now i feel less guilty as hes got summot proper to look at!)