WWYD? DD (10) found hiding her breakfast this morning.

[sweetheart]

This morning I put the grill on to cook my dd (10) some bacon for breakfast and she told me she was having a cereal bar and some fruit. There was a wrapper on my draining board for the cereal bar and she was getting something from the fruit bowl.

So I went into the lounge to do something and found a broken up cereal bar hidden behind a cushion on the sofa.

Dd has never been a very good eater - she is extreamly fussy.

I'm just not sure where to go with this to be honest! I've told her she's grounded because what she did this morning was sneeky and I'm angry that she had planned to be decitful but I don't want to make big issues about the food. Or should I be making an issue of the food? Should I take her to see a doctor?

Oh bugger!

hmm tricky one. my DSD is 12 and, while hopefully not hiding food, is certainly not eating properly, and it is worrying (she's naturally skinny anyway).

if I'm honest, I'm not sure grounding her was a very good idea, but you can't really go back on it now so just let that happen and don't mention the food hiding again. it could've been a one off, maybe keep an eye on it for a while?

I would say its possibly too early to start talking about seeing a doctor just yet. Perhaps talk to your daughter, and ask her why she is skipping breakfast. Ask her is she is skipping it because she is being fussy, or whether it is because of weight loss etc. If it is weight loss, explain that skipping breakfast in the morning is detrimental to weight loss, so she should never do it. Talk about healthy breakfasts (e.g. cereals, fruit etc) and explain that foods like bacon are absolutely fine in moderation. If its fussyness, go shopping together and find foods she does like. Try sitting down and eating breakfast together (time permitting etc), so she can see a healthy food role model etc.

Todays incident may have been a one off. Just quietly moniter her food for a few weeks - what she eats and how much of it. Then start having a think about how serious you believe her issues with food are, and go from there.

there are times when dd1 who is also 10 just isnt hungrey in the mornings. those mornings i tell her to choose a bit of fruit and eat that. usually by the time she is actually ready to go off to school after the fruit, she will take a slice of toast with her to eat on the hop.

thanks for the comments so far. We have been "coping" with her food issues for a while. She is very fussy and doesn't eat huge amounts of food. Although having said that offer her nuggets, chips pizza, sweets she will happily eat - typical child behaviour I think.

She is especially bad at eating in the mornings and I have done the suggested things of taking her to the supermarket and finding things she will eat - she tends to go through phases and she will eat something every day for a month and then never touch it again. We used to have huge rows in the mornings and I found we would both leave the house in tears so now I don't push the issues of food in the mornings too much but I feel delibertly lieing to me and hiding food is a step too far.

I hope I have made it clear to her that she is grounded for the deceit, lies and wasting food NOT because she didn't eat something but I will go through that with her again this evening.

How much is this about food issues and how much is it about her simply not feeling hungry in the mornings (particularly common in teen/pre-teen girls imo)?

My 13yo dd has no food issues whatsoever, but she does always feel slightly sick in the morning: I am sure if I tried to feed her bacon or something as bulky as a cereal bar, she would simply throw up. My mother is the same: she didn't get round to having breakfast until after the menopause- but she is a very fit and healthy woman. Yes, I know breakfast is the supposed to be the main meal of the day etc, but some people just can't cope with breakfast at breakfast time.

My solution has been to lay off dd in the morning, and let her eat as little as she likes, provided that she eats well at other times. I never stand over her or check what she eats, so there is no temptation to lie to me: I never ask. Same with her 10yo brother, though he does usually manage a couple of slices of toast.

I just make sure she takes something to school with her (money or a snack) so she can eat when she stops feeling queasy. But obviously this approach only works if you have a general feeling that they are getting enough otherwise.

she isn't a big morning eater - I'm sure she'd skip breakfast every day if I let her but as a comprimise we have discussed things she will eat. Sometimes she has 2 rashes of bacon, or a piece of fruit or a yoghurt. I don't feel it's good to let her out the house in the morning without eating anytthing at all.

Marking my place - I did this a lot at this age, will be back after school pick-up!

Yes of course you are right. But on the other hand, if she has to hide things because she can't cope with your reaction, that in itself must send her stress levels sky high, which is also not good for her. There more she stresses, the harder it will be for her to develop good eating habits.

I think you really need to leave a door open so she can still tell you if she really can't face food one morning. There needs to be a Plan B.

I wouldn't worry too much. I remember going through a not-eating phase around the same time, and my mum going ballistic when she found that I'd been hiding my uneaten lunches, but tbh they weren't very appetising! i think maybe your taste buds go through a change and things just seem a bit boring. Never dieted as a teenager, eat like a horse and really quite porky now!

I think some people (my ds aged 10 and my dh) simply cannot cope with food when they first wake up. I try and get ds to eat something - in teh house we have fruit, selection of cereal, toast, bacon, yoghurt - but he does not want to eat anything so I'm afraid he goes to school without breakfast (but eats a good lunch)
At weekends he will generally be up about 2-3 hours before he will eat anything.
Can you not just goive her a snack for break as a compromise and insist she eats that?

I used to hate eating breakfast (still do). I hid toast in cupboards and flushed cereal down the toilet. This was to avoid getting told off or made to sit at the table until I had eaten.

I guess it was a bit deceitful of me.

I can assure you though, that I have no issues with food. I love eating and there are barely any foods that I dislike. I am just not a fan of eating in the morning.

I think if it was just the breakfast issues I would let it slide but she is such a fussy / picky eater and never finishes a decent meal. As I said earlier if it was junk she'd scoff the lot so I don't think it's a food issues like anorexia or anything - she's just a fussy little mare! I have really tried to be more relaxed about the whole thing - catering for her whims so I have no idea why she felt she had to lie AND hide the food this morning. I think I'll have to have a chat with her tonight and find out just what she thought she was playing at!

I used to do this a lot, probably from age 11-14.

I would throw my breakfast toast away on the way to school and then for years I took my lunch rolls (lovingly made by my poor mother) back home (couldn't throw them in the bin in front of the nuns at school.)

I then threw the rolls (still in their poly bags) out of my bedroom window.

My parents found them months later when the woodpile they had landed in went down (I was too stupid to have taken them out of their bags).

I also used to hide food under the dresser in the dining room, in the teapot (!), under the table-cloth, anywhere really.

I just wasn't hungry and everyone was always hassling me to eat.

I didn't feel I was being "deceitful" which sounds quite nasty to me, I was just finding a way around the food thing.

I didn't have anorexia but I was VERY skinny and didn't have periods til I was 16+.

I was very fussy/picky but eat most things now.

btw I didn't feel I was lying about food.

I did eat snacky things in small amounts, I agree with the suggestions from others about something to eat on the bus or mid-morning.

I have never had an eating disorder, but I did used to feel slightly sick in the mornings in my teenage years, and only have a cup of tea. My mum, bless her, must have worried, but se let me get on with it (i used to eat my packed lunch at break)

I am another who can't eat first thing in the morning although I do always eat breakfast. DS is the same. I get around it with DS by trying to get him up a bit earlier. If he is up by 7, he is usually ready to eat by 8.

If we are a bit late up I give him a Babybel and a small amount of dry cereal to eat in the car.

You were right to ground her IMO for the lying and hiding food. That's not on.

I also can't stand breakfast in the morning. Trying to make me eat is useless because I'll just feel terrible all day. Let my stomach settle down and I'm ravenous by 10. Maybe your DD is the same so make sure she has access to food later if she wants it.

I'm also difficult to feed - picky + allergies is never a good combination - and TBH I also go through phases of eating something for a month and never touching it again. At 23 I've just worked out this is a bad idea and have enough self-control to NOT to it any more, but it's taken years. If she's eating then she's eating. If her tastes change then her tastes change.

Don't make an issue about the food! Chances are there isn't one.