3yr old deliberately hurting 10m old. At end of tether!

[EstroGena]

It is now getting out of control!!!! I dont know where she has seen/learned smacking as we dont discipline with smacking but she is CONSTANTLY screaming and hitting her sister and usually unprovoked. It is like she has some serious anger in her.

Have tried talking to her, spending one on one time, naughty step, removing toys etc etc but it is getting worse and she has been hitting out at me and then today my elderly grandmother!!!!!

I am ashamed to say i smacked her hand today

I cant take anymore and now feel a failure for having smacked her but i have tried EVERYTHING and this violence and anger is getting worse!

My poor 10m old is getting a daily beating from her!!!

HELP!!!!!!!

I'm no expert but I do have a 9yr old DSD who has been known to lash out at my DS and I am 99% certain it's jealousy.

Try not to feel too bad about smacking her hand, though I wouldn't make a habit of it or she will see it as being ok behaviour.

It sounds like you have tried everything - perhaps someone will come along with some other suggestions?

Sorry I don't have any of my own - just wanted to be supportive as I kind of know what it's like .

You still have to tell your 3 yr old that she is not allowed to hit the baby and you still have to discipline her for bad behaviour. Look her straight in the eye and say, "You do not hit Mummy/Granny/baby. . that is BAD behaviour", (looking stern) . ."You are going to sit on the naughty step for 3 mins" Try to ignore screaming.
Keep at it and be consistent. Step in very quickly when you witness it about to happen and remove 3 yr old quickly from situation. She may well be jealous, which is very natural, however you try sometimes not to let this happen. Give 3 yr old masses of love when she is good and does good kind things. Reassure her particularly at bed time that you love her very much. Maybe talk (When she is calm and in bed) about trying really hard tomorrow to be good and not hurt baby . Tell 3 yr old that the baby really loves her and it makes baby very sad when big sister hits .
You are not a failure for smacking your DD, We have all done it when worn down and angry. Keep baby in eyeshot at home to safeguard baby being hurt. Does 3 yr old go to Nursery ?? It would be a good idea to give her something to do etc.
This stage wont last forever. I have had 3 children and my youngest is 9yrs. Watch Supernanny or Nanny 911 on TV . It gives some fantastic tips and tools on child rearing.

Definitely send to preschool if not already going - I hesitated about sending ds (age 3) in case it made the jealousy worse - feelings of rejection in favour of baby etc. but he has grown up so much since going, and definitely sees it as something special that he can do as a 'big boy'. I think taking dd to preschool on occasion helps too, it clearly makes him feel protective rather than aggressive - for a change!
Otherwise, I find I have to banish him to his bedroom for a few minutes, if only to calm me down. Smacking doesnt work because I feel so guilty afterwards I end up rewarding him by being nice - very confusing all round!