My DS has stopped speaking

[noeyedear]

Hi,
My 26 month old DS has stopped talking. He has always been a bit reticent and doesn't really talk at the CM's, but used to chat away all the time at home. At the weekend, he started paying up with his eating, so I shouted at him, which I know was wrong, but since Sunday, he's barely said a word. On Tuesday, I read him loads of books and we went out to the park and had a nice day and he started talking again. When it was time to go home, he clammed up again! I'm trying to ignore it, but it's driving me round the bend. Anyone else had this? I don't know if he's just strong willed or if there is some deeper problem involved. Any ideas what to do?

Elective mutism can be for all sorts of reasons, and must be incredibly frustrating for you all.
Hope someone more knowledgable comes along soon.

No experience of this I'm afraid, bumping for you. Hope someone can offer something constructive soon.

Thanks. He spoke yesterday when his dad came home, to both of us, but the same today. He's sitting here in his coat and shoes because he wouldn't ask me to take them off like he usually does. I don't know if I'm doing it right or making it worse. I spoke to DH yhis morning about me stopping work for a while, but he doesn't want to be the sole breadwinner. I feel like I'm really affecting him by sending him to a childminder. He's only 2 and this is his second childminder. If I move him again, he will have had 3 carers in the space of a year and a half.

I think your best tack for dealing with it isn't to try to make him speak because I'll wager he can hold out longer than you can. You won't win a battle of wills.

I'd speak to him normally but allow him to find alternative ways to communicate to you. Don't make it extra fun or give him lots of extra attention for it either. Just make it a non-issue.

I would also consider seeing your GP or health visitor for advice simply because if this ends up being a long term problem the waiting lists for help may be very long so the sooner you get onto them the better. I don't know that I'd take him to that appointment but they'll probably want to see him fairly soon afterwards to check him over,

Try not to let it drive you round the bend - or at least try very very hard not to show it.

Hi noeyedear,

Sounds like this is really getting you down.

I think you might find it helpful to make a referral to your local speech and language therapist, your GP will be able to give you the details. You can do a self referral.

You'll be able to have a chat with the speech and language therapist and voice your worries to someone who specialises in communication.

Your speech and language therapist will be able to give you some strategies on managing scenarios like your shoe and coat scenario above!

Please don't worry too much, it's unlikely that you shouting at him or him being cared for by a childminder is impacting on his communication prefrences.

Just be patient and try not to pressure him into speaking. In my opinion, if he wants something and you know he is able to ask for it you can just pretend that you don't know what he wants if he wont tell you. He may get bored of that game. :-)

Best wishes,

Thanks for the advice. It is really getting me down. I just feel like not speaking to him back! I've spoken to the health visitor and she thinks it's behavioural and to try ignoring it for a month, but it's driving me crazy after 3 days! I might go to the doctor about it if it continues, even if it's just for prozac for me!

www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/sen-conditions/medical-problems/elective-mutism.html?Itemid=70

OP I do feel for you. I work in mental health and while I've not worked with kids for many years when I did this was one of the situations that caused the most anxiety for parents.

I've just googled elective mutism, and thought the link above (although it's written regarding older children) was one of the clearest and most sensible. It is an anxiety based problem, so anything that makes a child more anxious/ stressed won't help the situation. Given that, I'd be wary about the doctor/ speech and language therapist just yet.

Hope it settles, it has been dawning on me recently that I'd naively thought I'd stop having as much to worry about once mine was no longer a baby, now realising there is things to worry about at every point for us parents. Darn it!