Help - is it a phase?

[littemansmum]

I have a 3 year old son who up until he turned 3 was the most pleasant boy to be around, and now.......

He goes to nursery 5 days a week, and has done since he is 6 months, both me and dad work. He does love it there, but recently he has been saying he doesn't want to go to nursery, the mornings are turning into a nightmare to get out of the house and then the last two days I got pulled aside by his teachers to tell me he stamped and broke a childs toy in his class and then the following day pushed another boy over...I am gobsmacked and severly embarrased.... Bedtimes I dread as it is a scene everynight, i don't want to I don't want to

I have no idea how to handle this 'phase' and hoping that it is one. he winges constantly, naughty step doesn't seem to work, I try and stay calm, I praise him when he does good (star chart and all that), he left a party early the other week because he was so naughty...where has my lovely boy gone??

My husband reckons it is because we work long hours 5 days a week and he is suffering from lack of attention (feeling even more guilty)

Any suggestions, help or confirmation that it is just a phase to be ridden out would be much appreciated

thanks,

Has something happened at nursery to make him not want to go (incident with another child, a nursery worker he likes leaving, bullying....). Can you not make an appointment with his keyworker to investigate?

Have you sat down and asked your DS if he is feeling sad about anything?

It may well just be a phase - my son goes through "naughty" stages and could be particularly horrible at the age of 3 - but obviously I wouldn't like to say "oh it's definitely a phase" when I don't know your son or your circumstances.

As for the lack of attention thing, if you really feel that this might be the case, would it be possible for you or your DH to take some time off work (paid or unpaid), or go part time for a while and see if that helps him any?

My DS is also 3.6 - he goes to nursery 4 days a week and has been since he was 1yr - like you my DS was a really lovely little boy and then went from loving nursery to tears in the morning and I don't want to go ... etc - totally heartbreaking!

We eventually found out that his behaviour had altered when a few little ones moved up from the toddler room to join his room - none of his friends changed they were all still there but the new littlies were that bit younger and so didn't play by the same social rules - they were still at the stage where they took toys from him rather than having learned not to snatch etc -DS's keyworker identified the problem (also DS adores his keyworker so a bit of the green eyed monster that she also had new little people to look after!)and as the new little ones 'matured' and adapted to being in the room and played by 'big boy polite rules' then DS calmed down alot and started behaving lke the little boy we knew - he is back to loving nursery again. The whole misery phase lasted about 4 months.

Maybe something like this has happened at your DS's nursery - it may be that something small has changed (like the arrival of a couple of new kids) but it is having a massive impact on your DS?

Hope you get to the bottom of it!

Thanks for the reponses that is really helpful, and knowing that I am not alone!

I am calling the nursery right now to make an apppointment to see his key worker....

It probably doesn't help that a few of his group moved up to pre-school (he is in a private nursery/school) and he is due to move up in September, wear uniform etc... They start day visits to the school in the next few weeks, so I know that is going to have an affect on him aswell.