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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS says he doesnt love DH

9 replies

cori · 09/08/2005 22:05

DS is 3.6 and seems to be in the middle of a full on Oedipus complex. I know this is normal at this age, but we are not sure how to handle DS attitude to DH.
DH and DS have always had a good relationship (even though ours is slightly better). DH is a very attentive father. However DS has said on a number of occassion that he doesnt love DS. Sometimes this has been the response when DH tells DS he loves him. SOmetimes he just says it spontaseously. Obviously DH is very upset about this.
We dont know how to react.
We have told DS that it hurts daddys feelings. Should he be disciplined in some way? ? Is it just a phase, so should we ignore it.?
I think DS has to understand that he needs to show his father respect. How though?
Any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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helsi · 09/08/2005 22:06

I will watch this with interest as dd (2.5) says to me she doesn't like her daddy either and tells him to go away.

colditz · 09/08/2005 22:08

ignore it. You can make him show respect, but you can't make him feel it.

It will all change in a couple of years, he will think his daddy is the closest thing to Superman possible!

PeachyClair · 09/08/2005 22:51

My DS (4 but he is probably about 3 emotionally due to AS) says this a lot too- I was worried but I am not alone then? I just say 'we all love everybody in this house', but not sure it's changing anything. they're just really different pesonality wise, i guess.

Good luck but i am sure it won't last- he's probably expecting your Dh to come in going 'love you love you love you', thus making him feel really secure and giving him attention too! They really do learn to play you at this age!

saadia · 09/08/2005 23:13

My ds, the same age as yours cori, sometimes says this to me and to dh but we just say doesn't matter we still love you.

The next time he says this, get dh to be really laidback and say something along the lines of "I love you anyway and will always love you". I definitely don't think you should discipline him, I'm sure he doesn't mean it and it's probably a phase.

Socci · 09/08/2005 23:46

Message withdrawn

Socci · 09/08/2005 23:50

Message withdrawn

PeachyClair · 09/08/2005 23:50

Thinking about it, DS says this to me when he is angry with me (I hate it, it really hurts even though he doesn't mean a bit of it). I usually look him in the eye and say, 'that;'s your choice my love, but I will always love you no matter what.'

Seems to work actually.

Original poster

cori · 10/08/2005 20:51

Thanks for your advice guys. DH has read this thread and he feels a lot better knowing other people have experienced this.
Saadia and Peachy, we have decided we will respond with the unconditional love approach. Sounds like the best bet.

OP posts:

fqueenzebra · 11/08/2005 05:56

cor, blimey, we get that all the time, DS1 saying "I don't like daddy!" (or worse) "I hate daddy!" The 2 of them just lock horns, a pair of stubborn mules. DH retaliates by not speaking to ds1....

It's not permanent, kids just live in the moment and say exactly what they are feeling there and then. Half an hour later DS1 is demanding to wrestle with his dad or trying to show something off to him.

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