Biting

[floops]

My dd is 18mths old. I picked her up from nursery yesterday and the nursery nurses told me she had bitten the same girl twice. The father of this girl apparently is irate, furious etc... What should I do? Has anyone else been in that situation? The nursery are being quite understanding and saying that she is only 18mths, they do not think she is being malicious and think it is just a phase. I can understand the girls' father being cross but am unsure how to tackle this. We obviously tell her off if she bites (we have a time out spot on a chair). Anyone in the same situation? I am feeling quite worried about it. Probably more so because the other father is upset. I asked the nursery staff what they do for discipline when she does this and they said 'time out'. I asked them what had happened in the past with other children who have done this and said that we had heard of other people biting their children back. I now feel really guilty for even syaing that because I would not entertain using this method and now feel that the nursery staff think I probably would.What if they have interpreted it like that? Am I really overreacting just because of the little girl and her father? Please advise.

Hi floops, it's normal and a phase and she has no idea it's such a big deal and will grow out of it. You're right to just tell her no, firmly, and move no. She will stop, I promise - just think, you don't see many adult biters do you? I think the other child's father is the one overreacting tbh, you weren't there, so you hardly condoned it and she's only 18mos. Still, people do get upset about these things (you probably would too if your dd had been bitten - there's something about seeing teeth marks on pure baby flesh I think!) so I suppose I can see where he's coming from too. I'd tell him you're sorry (which you are presumably) and that you have told her off. There's nothing else you can do. But don't feel guilty and don't worry about wondering whether biting back is an idea - I've been tempted in the past too but have never actually done it and wouldn't recommend it. So yes, you're probably worrying because of the other little girl and her father's reaction but this is all very normal IME so try not to worry, it will pass. HTH.

move on, not move no, typo.

I was a biter and my Dad bit me back to show that it hurts etc. Apparently it worked immediately but he still feels guilty 30+ years later. Mind you he did leave a dirty great bruise on my arm.

I can't apologise directly to the father as the nursery have a policy not to tell the parents which other child was involved. Therefore even I do'nt know who the little girl is that has been bitten. I have apologised through the nursery but I do not think it went down well. I feel a bit better than I did yesterday and this morning. Though still feel worried about the nursery thinking I would recommend biting my child through the misinterpretation of what I said.I'm afraid society today makes you paranoid about saying anything through fear of misinterpretation. Still, the weekend is here - so no more work just time with hubbie and the kids. Absolute bliss.

Hi Floops. My DD, at about the same age as yours, went through a phase of biting and pushing other children at nursery. The nursery kept me informed as to when and how often it happened and discussed with me appropriate punishment - which was basically a firm "NO". Me and DH also had a little chat with her about how it isn't nice, hurts and how she wouldn't like someone doing it to her.
I think as WWW says, it is a normal stage of development and I agree that the girl's father is overreacting. His reaction has understandably upset you but I don't think there is a lot you can do about it - be thick skinned and hold your head up high when you are at the nursery!
As far as biting back goes, I was a biter and my mum bit me back and it worked. I was much older than 18 months though - I think about 3 or 4.

i know everyone is going to hate me for this but dd(2 at the time )bit ds on the shoulder she wouldnt let go,ds was in obvious pain and screaming when she finally stopped i smacked her in the mouth,it didnt hurt but she was shocked as i never smacked her before,she never did it again,i have a friend whos dd(3) is never invited to parties or to play in other childrens houses because she bites,so in the long run it`s as awful for the biter as it is for the "victim"