Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

4 year old's behaviour......new baby?

9 replies

fifitot · 06/06/2010 17:37

DD is always a bit challenging but this weekend her behaviour has been totally appalling. She was clingy at a party we went to which is just about tolerable, though can't see what the reason for it was. She does the clingy thing very knowingly, not in a sad way though iyswim.

However went to see her friend this morning, usual play date, and all she did was argue with him, tell tales on him and try to take his toys off him. On arrival home, continued to be defiant, ignore everything me or dh asked of her. Tried distraction and didn't work. She has been having tantrums on and off all day - really bad ones. Has also been really cheeky. We went out for a walk and all got an ice cream but that wasn't enough for her, she ate hers and then wanted ours or another one and when refused she had yet another screaming fit.

We are both exhausted (DH and me). She slept in today so can't have been tired and she ate quite well so not hungry. I am 34 weeks pregnant and wondering if it is all getting too much for her now? Though she has known about it for weeks, with a mixed response,not sure why today of all days would trigger such attention seeking and dreadful behaviour.

I really lost it earlier and just shouted at her, then put her in her room to calm down while I calmed down. What do you do when there is just one tantrum after another and they don't listen to you????

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
fifitot · 06/06/2010 17:45

Forgot to mention the spitting, wiping her nose on us.

OP posts:
nagoo · 06/06/2010 17:52

Sometimes my son does this kind of crap. And what I do is get really bad tempered and end up shouting and shove him in his room the same as you!

I can try and 'break him' where it's not funny to be such a brat any more. I sometimes put him on the sofa and talk at him about his behaviour in a calm but 'v disappointed' manner until he gets upset. I know that this is not what they would say in a book but I usually find that I can't get him to stop the cycle of laughing and playing up until he cries.

Then we can start with the talking about what he is doing and why he is cross/upset/whatever.

Luckily for some reason mine is usually nice to friends and other family etc, he saves being horrible for me and DH!

Maybe someone who is a 'better' person will give you some proper advice, but I do what you do!

fifitot · 06/06/2010 19:40

I'ts hard not to lose your temper under such an onslaught isn't it? I did try and talk earlier but she ignored me, wouldn't engage, kept repeating what I was saying> Grrrrrrrr.

Am hoping she will improve by tomorrow. I can cope with the odd patch of bad behaviour but 2 whole days non-stop with no respite is horrible. She is usually quite an engaging funny girl and gets over her strops quite quickly with a cuddle etc. Today she seemed really angry and was determined to make us angry too I think. I feel really upset about it all.

Thanks for replying.

OP posts:
nagoo · 06/06/2010 21:24

I'm sure she'll be back to funny and clever very soon

fifitot · 07/06/2010 07:56

Will she? I just want a bit of normality. I don't know how to help her tbh. I find myself in conflict with her all day and know that's not the answer but the defiance is a nightmare. This morning she refused to clean her teeth.

I have tried coaxing, ignoring, threats when I really run out of ideas. I have tried to empathise but she just ignores me.

I'm at a bit of a loss now.

OP posts:
fifitot · 07/06/2010 20:19

Can anyone make any kind of suggestion? I am really struggling to cope with her behaviour. I am definately thinking it has become worse as the pregnancy has progressed and people are talking about it more.

Tonight, 3 times she stuck her finger up her nose and wiped it on me,so stopped reading the bedtime story after giving her warnings she ignored and said she had to go to bed. Total meltdown with hitting and spitting.

Eventually she broke down and said she wanted to be 'friends' again but was clearly really upset.

How do you cope with the transition from 1 child to 2 without it being a trauma for the first one. Breaks my heart to see her so conflicted and upset.

OP posts:
fifitot · 07/06/2010 20:25

Are there any good books I could get out of the library for her?

OP posts:
nagoo · 07/06/2010 20:41

I don't know but if you find any link here because I'm 17weeks pg and DS doesn't seem too keen on the idea.

I know that it's traumatic but she's doing whatever she can to get a reaction out of you. Also remember that you are 34 weeks and therefore going to be a bit more fragile than normal!

I know people say 'get a gift from the baby' when it is born and things like that, but I've just been trying to get my Ds to understand that it is going to be 'our' baby. Also flattering him with all the things he is very clever and can do, and all the things that he will be able to teach the baby to do.

Have you asked her directly how she feels about the baby coming? I've felt that it has helped DS to talk about it, and he's been quite frank (for a 3YO!!) and I've found it helpful to get into his head a bit.

fifitot · 07/06/2010 21:00

Thanks for replying. Yes we do talk about it and she seems a bit conflicted. The issue of where she goes when I give birth is troubling her as well I think.

I thnk I am just going to have to ride it out - I just hate seeing her like this.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page