DS 2.11 always has tantrums when we see his best friend

[randomama]

Am really at the end of my tether with DS (2.11). He has a really intense friendship with one of his slightly older (6 months) friends. DS adores him and is obsessed with him but the 'love' is quite one way. His friend seems to like DS but never actually wants to play with him, always says no, and is often (every time!) upset by DS's intense need to play with him so that he just wants to hang out with his mum and avoid DS. The 'unrequited' element of the relationship only seems to make DS love this boy more!

The problem is every time we see this friend (whom DS asks for the moment he wakes and continuously through the day from that point on) DS ends up either being really naughty (today he kept pinching cakes from a stall at the carboot despite my protests - we had to leave) and then having a massive tantrum, or, when he behaves well during the 'playdate', having a massive tantrum when it's time to say goodbye. We have floods of tears and he kicks me and wrestles etc. This upsets the other boy and his mum too.

I can't cope anymore. I'm 8 months pregnant and the whole idea of seeing this friend is beginning to fill me with fear. DS is a very well behaved and friendly boy at pretty much all other times. I would really appreciate some advice. I have no idea what to do. We live in the same village and I'm friends with this boy's mum, so the boys see each other nearly every day (2 playgroups, 2 afternoons of nursery, plus extra playdates).

Please help!

Cut out the extra playdates for a start. And maybe the playgroups as well for a couple of weeks.

Thanks belgo. I guess that's what I was thinking too. I just feel a bit bad for this boy's mum cos she's on her own with him a lot of the time and doesn't hang out much with anyone else.

DP is going to take DS to playgroup in the morning to see how it goes when I'm not there. I dunno if I'm giving off bad vibes that DS might be picking up on or something?

and he will get better; it's a difficult age.

We had a similar issue with DS1, but unfortunately the object of his worship lived next door! It was tricky as DS1 got upset when anyone else visited the boy and DS1 wasn't included. I found it very embarrasing.

It all got a bit easier when they were put in different classes one year and DS1 broadened his circle of friends, however he still regards this boy as his favourite and id very influenced by his choices (of hobbies and even secondary schools) and was very upset not to get invited to his birthday party this year.

I second restricting contact a little and gritting your teeth and encouraging other playmates. I wish I had not taken DS1's tantrums so personally and worried about them so much, it just created more tensionh and anxiety and slowly resolved itself over time (as most issues with children do).

thanks both. will defo restrict contact for a bit then and arrange some fun filled days with DS's other friends to fill the time.

I know I shouldn't get so stressed about it. I'm just so outrageously hormonal at the moment and I'm taking everything so badly! DS is one of those ridiculously friendly kids and he gets knocked back such a lot it's just so hard to watch!