Am I doing the wrong thing?

[dana4nyc]

Hi All,

I am just looking for reassurance really. I have a 10 week old DD that I combination feed, breastfeed throughout the day and bottle at night although she still does want to be at the breast as a comfort before going down to sleep. I am quite content with this routine (as is my DH) but DH has gone to the Middle East for 2 months as of yesterday and I am staying with my in laws for a while. My mother-in-law is being pretty insistent that I cut out the breastfeed at night as "she won't settle with anyone else but you and it's not fair on us as the grandparents on on her Dad" so she's wanting me to stop while I'm here with them. Also, they tell me that I'm making a rod for my own back because I pick her up and give her a cuddle when she cries. I feel under immense pressure to let her cry because I feel like I'm being judged as being a rubbish Mum by picking her up so often (they keep telling me that I'm spoiling her).

I don't have the courage to tell them to pack it in without my DH around.

Am I doing all the wrong things??

NO YOU ARE NOT!!!!! She is your baby and you must do what you see fit. It's entirely up to you how you feed her (and I speak as someone who combination fed DD1 and is in the middle of combination feeding DD2).......tbh your in-laws have made me quite angry!! And no you shouldn't leave her to cry if you don't want to (she's 10 weeks old ffs!!!) You can't possibly spoil a 10 week old baby IMO.

You need to have a gentle word and tell them that whilst you appreciate their help and advice, you need to do things your own way. If they won't accept that then maybe move back home and just visit them during the day?

No. Stick to your guns. It's hard I know. But your DD is more important than their (misguided) opinions.

No, you're doing completely the right thing for you. Everything you're doing sounds fine and it works for you, so don't let them bully into treating your baby differently just because they would prefer it.

She's 10 weeks, she doesn't need to be able to settle with other people yet, and cuddling such a tiny baby when she cries is completely natural!

Thank you all for the quick replies! In my heart I know that I am doing the best by my little girl and to be honest, even if I was spoiling her by picking her up I wouldn't care! She's a tiny baby and has no other way of communicating other than crying and if there is something that I need to do, like pop to the loo etc, I will let her cry but as soon as I'm finished I'm right there to soothe her. I will not let my DD think that no one will come to her if she is upset. I just wish that I wasn't such a coward. I'm sure it's because I came to live here in England to be with my DH so basically I'm all alone here, all of my friends and family are back home in the states. I rely heavily on my in-laws when DH is away because I don't drive yet and they graciously are letting me stay with them, but now I wish that I was back at my own house where there's no one there to nag me about the way I do things.

Then go home. You can manage on your own and it would be better for you and the baby.

Poor you.
You sound like you are a great mum (or mom?)
This is a classic generation-baby-rearing-battle. If you need some support can your Health Visitor pop round and reinforce the latest advice, not advice that was given 30/40 years age.

If it helps, my MiL asked if my doctor had given me pills to dry up my milk when I stopped bfding. Doctor laughed at me as apparently they haven't been around for forty years.

MAybe read some 4th trimester advice? (i.e you can't spoil a tiny baby - humans are born too early and need contantly looking after for first few months, unlike other mammals they can't get up and run within a few hours (from MiLs or other predators!!)

Good luck.

I would move out, that is not help its hinderance. You would be able to manage on your own im sure, although not easy, but better than being bossed around how to look after your own baby. Sounds like what you are doing is fine