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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

very attached to dummy at 2.5

20 replies

driedapricots · 03/06/2010 21:43

i am scared to ditch the dummy even though i know we really should! my dd is very attached to it - particularly at certain times, she's one of these children who have very set routines and ways of doing things and gets herself into huge tantrums if we deviate away from these (a tiny bit OCD perhaps - or is this just normal for toddlers to get obsessive like this??!!) so i keep thinking we should do the whole dummy fairy thing but am terified of actually doing it in case she just will not accept it...i really don't want to give in and give it back once we do get rid of it of course so once it's gone it's gone..but will she accept it or are we in for weeks of hell?!! has anyone a similar experience they can share? she has it together with a toy bunny - and the two are intrinsically linked in her mind..should the dummy fairy take that too?! it seems so cruel to just take away her little comforts..but equally, the dummy really is hindering her speech etc now. please help!

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Stinkyfeet · 03/06/2010 21:49

Firstly, the set routines thing is very normal for small children.

Second, don't get rid of bunny; if you're set on taking away the dummy, at least leave her with one comfort object.

Lastly, how about restricting the dummy to just bedtimes for now? I find that's the time they want it most, and at least it's not affecting her speech then.

HeadFairy · 03/06/2010 21:57

very interested how you get on. DS is 2.8 and he's very attached to his dummy. I've talked to him about the dummy fairy and I've said that when he's three the dummy fairy will come along and take them away, but I'm not looking forward to it. I have restricted him to having it only when he's in his pyjamas but that's created it's own problem as he now refuses to get dressed in the mornings! Gah! I've refused to talk to him when he's got it in though, he slurps and drawls through it and it drives me crazy.

Funnily enough he also has a bunny which is intrinsically linked... what is it about these bunnies?

Iggisfulloftayto · 03/06/2010 21:58

My DS is older than yours (though still under 3) and has learned he only gets the dummy for nap and bedtime - well, at nursery anyway, at home he has a way of finding them down the back of the bed or somewhere! He takes it out of his mouth now to speak. And sometimes voluntarily says "no dummy" and hands it to me. I know many will disagree but I am choosing not to be bothered about it, at this stage
But please don't take the rabbit away too! It'd be like giving up fags and chocolate!

Original poster

driedapricots · 03/06/2010 22:02

yep, thanks - good advice. i keep trying to just give it to her at bedtimes - and tbh the problem is mine more than hers.. because if it's in the house and all other distrations have failed and a huge tantrum ensues, i tend to give in and let her have it. she's also extremely strong-willed and i have a feeling if she knows it's still around somewhere she'll never give in demanding it - whereas if we go through a little 'dummy fairy ceremony' she might fall for it!! new baby due in 9 weeks so really want to crack it by then otherwise i certainly wont have the energy/resolve after sleepless nights!

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Original poster

driedapricots · 03/06/2010 22:04

..and yes,iggis that's how i feel about the bunny - fags and chocolate!! it could scar her for life ;)

OP posts:

bondgirl77 · 03/06/2010 22:06

I would go for it. My DS 2.7 was exactly the same. Would wake several times a night to find it. I thought we would be attached to the dummy forever! Finally decided to bite the bullet a couple of months ago. The dummy fairy brought a boxed set of Peppa Pig. It has to be a good swap I reckon - and you can remind them of it every time they ask for the dummy. There will be a few nights of asking about it and possibly extra tears, but you have to stick with it. Throw them all away when you do it so you are not tempted. I think they realise when you are not giving in so be firm. A couple of months down the line my DS never asks about it and when i think what he was like before I can't believe it! Good luck.

mollymawk · 03/06/2010 22:21

Agree with the others - don't take away the bunny too,keep trying with the bedtime-only thing, and start talking now about how the dummy fairy is going to come along when she is old enough etc.

When I did this with DS2 Iasked him what he thought the dummy fairy would bring and he said "a racing car" and miraculously that's what she brought!

Trying to do it before baby arrives is a good idea IMO as then she won't associate loss of dummy with arrival of baby (hopefully...). Either that or leave it longer, until she is nearly 3.

almondfinger · 03/06/2010 22:27

Aww, dont take bunny,

Dd1 was v attached to dummy and one day it fell in the playground last autumn. I told her I wasnt going to lick it clean as there were squirrels and there may be squirrel pee on it. Got it home, threw it in the steriliser and as it had a puncture it filled with fluid, one suck and she never put it in her mouth again. Now she keeps it in her jewellery box. She was just under 2 at the time.

So puncture the dummy and immerse it in lemon juice, sterilising fluid and see how that works for you,

pigletmania · 03/06/2010 23:08

Well at Christmas dd was 2.9 and we did the Santa taking the dummy away and give her lovely presents thing. DD was vvvvvvvv attatched to her dummy and was expecting a whole month of crying and wailing and hell basically. But no it was fine, there was a little crying but not much at all. However even now, months later when she is tired or is in a tantrum she asks for the dummy and i keep saying no its for babies, shes fine and accepts it. Dont worry it might not be as bad as you think.

Original poster

driedapricots · 04/06/2010 11:49

very reassuring, thanks ladies. i'm gonna bite the bullet this weekend.. i think!

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IMoveTheStars · 04/06/2010 12:20

Ds is 2.6 and I've been meaning to do it this week...

I was talking to him about it, explaining about the dummy fairy, and how she takes away dummy's from big boys and gives them to babies who needs them, and if he's good and goes to sleep without it, then he can have a present in the morning, and asked him what he would like.

He said 'Dummy?'

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 04/06/2010 12:26

If you really feel it is going to be that hard then maybe don't stress too much about it with a new baby on the way.

I'll while I admit that dd had her dummy until she was 4.
I chose not to get stressed about it TBH.
I started by taking it off her if she was up and about playing or walking outside etc. Did give it to her at times of upset during the day though.
It only took days for that routine to be established and se asked for it less and less as I actively gave it to her less and less.

In the end she had it at night and never anywhere else and literally one night she gave it back to me said I don't need this anymore and never had it again.
Have to add she was around the same age as your dd when ds was born so I deliberately chose not to take it away from her at that stage.

Another thing my friend did/does is that in the morning when her dd goes into the bathroom the dummy gets left on the bathroom sill and the dummy fairy takes it away through the open window, she did tis at first leaving little treats like stickers etc. and it is magically brought back for bedtime.
Her dd believes it is not physically in the house so has learnt not to ask for it at all.

Bumpsadaisie · 04/06/2010 12:33

Interesting - what were your DCs like about their dummies when they were eg 1 and did they become more attached?

My DD just turned one and out of all possible comfort objects the only one she is really interested in is the dummy. She has to have it for naps and once she is out of the bath in in her jim jams for bed, and in bed.

But apart from that she is fine for me to take it from her when she wakes up, say "byy by dum-dum" and put it away till the next nap/sleep.

Do you think this will get harder the older she gets? Wondering if we should try to give it up now?

Thanks
Bumps x

IMoveTheStars · 04/06/2010 12:36

Bumps - Ds definitely has got more attached to it, and obviously their memory improves very quickly as they get older. At 1 if you remove the dummy now, she probably won't remember it in a few days.

Alternatively, she might really need it to go to sleep, so you might be shooting yourself in the foot if you get rid of it

that was helpful, wasn't it!

DastardlyandSmugly · 04/06/2010 12:45

We did this with DS when he turned three and could understand properly what we were doing.

We talked for quite a while beforehand what we were going to do so he knew what was happening. We had also limited his use of them for quite some time - so he was only allowed them in bed by the time he gave them up.

We decided that, rather than a dummy fairy do it, we would encourage DS to give the dummies away to some babies. So we primed nursery in advance and on the day in question we bagged up all his dummies and we handed them in at nursery for the babies.

We then took him to the local toy shop and got him a little present for being so brave and so generous.

We had about 4 nights of him crying for his dummy and then he stopped. He still mentions that he gave his dummies to the babies and it's something he's really proud of.

DD is now 21m and from the age of two I'm going to restrict the dummies just to bed (at the moment she has them in bed, in the car, in her pram and when she's upset) and work through the same thing. I get the feeling she's going to fight it much more though.

Original poster

driedapricots · 04/06/2010 14:07

i def wish we'd done it earlier as my dd has got much more attached to it now.

ineedacleaner i like your friend's window sill idea..that could be a 'dummy run' for the real thing - ha ha - no no pun intended

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weblette · 04/06/2010 14:15

We ditched ds3's dummies a couple of months ago - he's nearly 2 and a half.

He'd got more and more attached to them and had taken to carrying a spare one too! He also has a comfort elephant blanket which he can't go to bed without. That I can live with - we have a spare in case of accidents and it doesn't look too manky!

We went cold turkey - one night there was no dummy. We didn't talk too much about it beforehand as we found with another of the dcs that that made it worse. Took a couple of not so good nights but he was through it.

Of my four, three had dummies and we did the same with each.

CantThinkofFunnyName · 04/06/2010 14:32

My 2 DCs left their dummy out for Santa in return for presents just very shortly before their 3rd birthdays. They were both very addicted to their dummies before then. However, they understood about Santa coming at that age and were both very happy to leave it for him as a gift with the port and mince pies . DD2 (5 months) will be going the same route methinks....

Bumperlicious · 04/06/2010 15:26

I don't know, apart from the speech how much of an issue is it really? Does it just bother you what other people think?

We did the dummy fairy for DD (3 next month) 2 months ago and it was hard for a long time. She was waking up in the night, refusing to go to sleep for a good few weeks, and for even longer than that her behaviour was really out of character. I regretted doing it really, and wished I'd waited. A few people (on here and the mid wife - I am 24 weeks pg) said just give it back to her as it was causing me so much stress. We couldn't and didn't, but I did wish I had left it. If I am honest it was more that I was concerned what other people thought than anything else.

I would definitely restrict it, if not to bed times, then just to her bedroom. Sometimes DD would ask to go to bed just so she could sit in her room and potter around with her dummies, and I was ok with that.

Think very hard before you do it, whether it is really a good time for you all.

Iggisfulloftayto · 05/06/2010 20:48

Am I only one (too soft obviously!) who finds it really hard to imagine "2 or 3" or whatever nights of crying? My DS is a great sleeper, and if it's helped my the dummy I would hate to upset that. He sees the dentist soon so I'll take what he says on board, but otherwise I'd be much happier if it turned out like Ineedacleaner's DC, just choosing to give it up herself. Mine did that with bf (unexpectedly!) so I'm hoping for the same with dummy.

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