Good books for advice on toddlers

[dorisbonkers]

So far I've muddled through without books but would be grateful for any recommendations of books hopefully with some proper child psych research backing it up on how best to deal with toddlers. I'm on the AP fluffy ebf end of the spectrum, if that helps.

I see 'How to Talk so Toddlers Will Listen' mentioned alot.

Any others?

I loved Toddler Taming - can't remember the author and I gave the book to a friend, but it is written by a child psychologist so is based on evidence

Just googled it - Christopher Green is the author and he is actally a paediatrician not a psychologist. A really helpful practical book that makes you feel normal for struggling with toddlers!

I like the bits of Toddler Taming that I've read too - mostly just common-sense stuff in terms of practice, but it has an emphasis that I like on how toddlers aren't naughty to be naughty, and why they do the things they do which test/infuriate you. Mind you dd is only 13 months so I am hardly the voice of experience and I will watch with interest!

Thanks, I've heard of him, I'll try at the library.

i like toddler taming too
its better than the supernanny ones,more realistic+ reassuring

I won't go near Supernanny.

Thanks for the recs

whats wrong with supernanny - apart from the fact everything is a technique

'gets down to mumbar's level' "It's unnaceptable"!

I don't mean to be po-faced about her but I object for several reasons.

The main being that the programme (which is the driver for selling the books) is so totally against producer guidelines, so deeply unethical and misleadingly edited and filmed. My DH is a television producer and has told me what goes on in these programmes (goading families, telling them to sleep deprive their kids or wind them up in order to film their worst behaviour and edit it so it looks like good behaviour after the techniques are employed.

I am actually disgusted that they film kids who cannot consent to be filmed in their worst light for entertainment. Can you imagine being 18 and remembering that your tantrums and awful behaviour was filmed so that people could basically gasp at it? And you had no say in the matter. And that the producers engineered it so that you were made to look even worse than you were in reality (sleep deprivation, taking toys away, having a disruptive film crew in your house).

Also, her methods are draconian. I mean, weaning a 2.9 year old demand feeder/co-sleeper off the boob in 2 nights? No psychologist would advise that swift a change.

She doesn't really tackle the underlying problems behind the behaviour. It's simple behaviour modification stuff which may work (and is obviously edited to show it has 'worked') in the short term but doesn't address the deeper issues.

She's a nanny. Not a parent. She doesn't have children so cannot really empathise.

This is not to say that some of these techniques aren't common sense. I don't object to her as a person, she seems warm and kind to children and does advise quality time with children which is common sense.

But she ain't having my schilling.

Totally agree with you there about supernanny. I can't stand the programme - my heart goes out to the children who all seem to be screaming out for attention and love. If they are goaded into it, that's terrible.

Christopher Green is not like that at all - he makes you emphathise with the plight of the toddler. He shows you how from their totally egocentric perspective of course tantrums etc. seem reasonable - it is a normal part of realising that you're not the only person in the world who matters.

I think he might be an Aussie? He has that relaxed, funny way about him which is very reassuring

At the moment I'm reading 'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn (in particular this guy quotes a lot of research) and 'Raising Ourselves, Raising our children' by Naomi Aldort. My DD is just 14 months so not at the tantrumming toddler stage yet. If you are at the AP end of the spectrum I think you'll like them. so far I am getting out of them to treat your child with the same respect you afford your adult friends and to allow them to be themselves, all sounds common sense I guess but makes a lot of sense when you read the book! I also have How to talk so Children will Listen on my to read list!

Thanks Doris that info is helpful. TBH I don't watch it anymore but did see it a few times when ds was younger (2ish) but saw the jo frost prog 2/3 times the other month.

I think that winding kids up etc is shocking behaviour, especially from a nanny. If I'm totally honest with you the times I did watch it years ago I was just glad I had a mild mannered child and didn't have to deal with these behaviours.

It had certainly changed my mind having another insight.

Also admit to never really getting down on DS's level as I'd never get back up!

Just read a fantatic article in a popular womans mag about GEMS. Good enough Mums and it really made me feel better. Basically it says that as long as you try and love care etc then you doing what you should and not to feel bad when your out and your DC(s) are 'misbehaving' to feel like a bad mum as another day someone else will have the same thing.

Me and DH have read Unconditional Parenting and liked it, but I think deep down it may be hard to follow it to the letter as it is set in an ideal world. I find it hard not to praise, and we're not planning to home ed so she'll need to fit into society in some way. I don't know. I took a lot of good things away from it and often think about that style of parenting -- fighting the big fights, explaining behaviour and thinking of parenting as a long term game, not caring what others think of your child and trying to fit them to that.

Yes, very thought provoking. People think I'm a nutbag for even considering that style.

TBH I have only read one book can't even remember the name that my auntie bought me. Used advice til ds about 6 months. It was good but since then I've pretty much taken bits and bobs of advice as I've gone along

I thought everyone worshipped supernanny but I was wrong there too !!

DS turned out ok tho (IMO)

doris, I agree about the ideal world thing re Unconditional Parenting. I also find it hard not to praise! Certainly friends I have talked about the book to (who haven't read it yet) think I am a little crazy. The book has made me really think though and it has changed how I am trying to interact with DD. Its difficult to say how I will feel about it when DD gets older and is more challenging!