what is your best tactic with an unenthusiastic eater.

[booyhoo]

i know this has been done to death but i feel really stuck with ds1. we had a massive screaming match tonight at dinner and he ended up in bed without anything in his tummy. i feel so terrible. i hate that it frustrates me so much, i cant imagine what he is feeling like when he is faced with food and just doesn't want to eat it.

he is almost 5 and has aways been picky. he will depending on where he is eat what is set down but the thing is everyone knows he is picky so makes him what they know he will eat and if we go out he just picks the same thing to eat.

he doesn't eat any veg. he will eat sausages, chips, fishfingers, chicken nuggets, beans, pasta, bolognaise, tomato soup, pizza. he used to eat a good breakfast but now will only eat a very small bowl of cereal, and never finishes it. if i make a variation, like adding something new he will tell me he doesn't like it and so will either leave teh whole meal or just eat what he likes. if i can persuade him to try something he pulls horrible faces and tastes it with the tip of his tongue and still says he doesn't like it. he even reminds me sometimes that he tried something and didn't like it.

i have done rewarding for eating everything, rewarding for just trying something, rewarding for eating one mouthful. i have tried just setting the food done and saying nothing, ignoring the whingeing. i have tried no dessert, no going out to play after dinner, no tv. i have restricted snacks during the day. he has gone some days without eating from lunchtime because i didn't give him a snack to try and get him to eat dinner but he didn't. i introduced supper so that he wouldn't be going to bed hungry but i think he knows he doesn't have to eat dinner if he is getting food before bed.

this evening our oven broke so it was beans on toast for us all. i set the food down and because the beans had touched the toast he refused to eat it. i told him there was no difference in it and i wanted him to eat it all. he whinged and whined and i asked him to leave the kitchen until he was ready to speak to me properly. he came back and still moaned that he didn't want to eat it. i said that is fine, put it in the bin. you wont be going outside to play. he had a bit of a tantrum and i sent him out of the kitchen again. when i went out to see if he had calmed down he started tantrumming again so i told him if he didn't settle down he would end up in bed for the night. he didn't settle so i took him to bed. it was 6 pm.

i know i haven't dealt with this right at all. i just dont know how to deal with it. i dont want him to have food issues, but he clearly already does. he has a small frame and i worry that he jsut isn't getting enough of the right stuff, infact i know he isn't getting enough. he just isn't eating enough. i want him to enjoy food, i dont want him to get stressed at every meal but it is important he learns how to eat healthily. i have heard people say look at what he eats over the week rather than the day but even then he still isn't eating a good balance. i just dont know how to fix this without putting him through any more upset.

I was going to add that I can see why you're doing this, but I'm not sure I'd agree with severely punishing a tantrum related to the eating/not-eating thing.

Stick to foods that you know he likes and just serve those. It runs contrary to health advice, but I know several other children (friends of DS) who are strong and healthy but known picky eaters who eat from a very restricted menu - One essentially eats pizza, spag bol, and ice-cream, with virtually no fruit or veg whatever. It will pass.

When you want to try something new, don't draw any attention to the fact that it's new. Just serve a small portion of it along with something familiar.

My DS was a very fussy eater, but now at 4 is not so bad. We took the pressure off, allowed him to choose not to eat and made sure one of his favourite dinners was available after a couple of days of nothing but milk and toast!
Gradually he improved (put him in nursery for 2 mornings a week and he had cooked lunches there, for the sole reason of seeing if he would eat under peer pressure - he did)
Another thing that helped that hasn't been mentioned here so could be worth a try...When we were playing, so away from food. I told him about foods I didn't eat as a child and foods that I still don't like.
I think children need to know that they are not weird for having preferences for food. I have also made a game of trying new foods with DS so we can both say whether we think it nice or not (bizarrely, I was more reluctant to taste a cockle than he).
Think taking the pressure off, letting him know he is normal and making a genuine game out of trying food is key.

Oh, and DS will always ask for a baby tomato with a sandwich to see if he likes them yet (answer is always no, but he'll give it a lick every time, so here's hoping!

I think it's a great idea to get him involved in preparing the food, cooking, laying the table, etc. But how about growing some veggies? I've been helping my neighbour's 8 and 9 year olds grow tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, etc in tubs in the garden and she commented that they've suddenly started eating their veg! They love it when we just pick the food straight off the plant and eat it!

Or how about a picnic so that you're changing the setting at mealtime?

I agree with everybody else that you need to stay calm. Whenever my DS1 (5) won't eat, I tell him that's fine, it's his choice but he must sit at the table until we've all finished. Then DP and I talk about something else or ask DS1 what he did at school. Usually it takes a couple of minutes before he pulls his plate back towards him and tucks in. And if not, when he whines that he's hungry later, I tell him he should have eaten his dinner. (Such a nasty mummy!)

I'd avoid punishments for not eating. I mean, sometimes they're just not hungry. Give him the choice and if he doesn't want to eat so what? Provided you stick to your guns and don't serve up any snacks or food until the next meal, he should get the idea.

seriously....try the removal of drinks....he wont last long before he gives in and then you wont need to feel anxious about it. Get some aninal cutters and make his food fun to eat. out jam in the middle of rice pudding or let him do it

Hi there booyhoo,

I just wanted to add my tuppenceworth...

I seriously think it's not worth the battle - a friend of mine survived on readybrek and Heinz tomato soup for much of his childhood and is now a big strong (normal!) fella, married with 2 beautiful children etc.

Myself, when I was young would NEVER EVER EVER eat a vegetable (I'd hide them under my plate/ in my pockets/feed them to the dog) but as you get older and reach your teens/20's, a bit of peer pressure comes into play "what do you mean you don't eat brocolli - grow up will you" and your palate develops. I'd like to think now that there's nothing I won't try.

That's not to say that all the helpful suggestions above won't work, because I hope they do just that if they don't, and your little fusspot still refuses to eat, then it's not the end of the world.

HTH

havent heard that phrase'tuppence worth' for years

I'm an old granny inside