so it appears dd2 is afraid of the dark - wwyd?

[silverfrog]

I think dd2 is scared of the dark. It's come on suddenly, she's always gone to bed fine before.

Now she wants the door fully open, and the light on outside, plus door through to landing open too (there's a dressing room off landing, which leads to bedroom). She sobs uncontrollable if any of this isn't done.

Problem is, she shares with dd1, who doesn't want the light on, and wants the doors closed (as they always have been). Dd1 is ASD, and has recently got over sleep issues, and so we are keen not to rock the boat.

So, wwyd? Either way one of them is going to be upset.

Don't think either of them would like to be split up.

Oh, dd1 is 5, dd2 is 3.

Let dd2 settle with the light on before dd1 goes to bed and then the light can go off?

You can get very dim night light which fit into electrical sockets and may be little enough not to disturb dd1

My dd2 has a little rechargeable torch which fits on a base and becomes a very dim nightlight. Not much help to her as she has to sleep with two lamps on because of her fears of the dark but might help your little one. This is it on Amazon (if the link works)

www.amazon.co.uk/Worlds-Apart-School-Musical-Senior/dp/B0021HS21E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF 8&s=toys&qid=1275389304&sr=8-1

HTH

would a nightlight help? It would not be as bright as the hall light and you wouldnt need to leave the doors open. here is a selection of the ones my dd and ds have (princess and in the night garden for mine)

thanks.

we have 2 nightlights in the room already (one on monitor - very dim, retty useless, tbh) and the other is the wake/sleep rabbit clock, which is reaonably bright. dd1 will tolerate those,as have been in use for quite a while.

we were think about another nightlight (it IS dark in their room now, really pitch black) but don't think dd2 would think it bright enough, tbh, she really does seem to want quite a high level of light. eg, this morning she came to fetch me at 6am (bleary eyes emoticon) totell me it was too darkin her room. the door was stillopen to the dressingroom, and the curtains were not drawn in dressing room, so a fair amount of light was coming in...

different bedtimes would not work - from either girls'pov! (wish it would, might stop some of the running around/chaos )

Get her a glo worm. You can turn off the lullaby function then she has a light she is in control of.

How about one of these? DD2 could take it into bed with her so it wouldn't disturb DD1?

thanks everyone.

HOnestly, nightlights aren't really goingto cut it, I don't think. Last night, when she was bothered, i tried putting the hall light on, and leavign all doors open.

she went and checked the amount oflight that gave into the room, and it wasn't enough.

It had to be the dressing room light, with the door fully open (dd2's bed is on wall oposite door, so light was shining in fully for her. dd1's bed is behind the door, so at least she was a little shielded form the light, but she doesn't want the door open either.

God, it's all such a mess, and we have just spent the last year being hostage to dd1's sleep issues (having to stay with her until she fell asleep, often 3 hours +). we really can't affordto rock the boat there, but also don't want dd2 to develop any issues that take a lot of undoing either

Not even going to cut it if she has her very own light who can snuggle under the covers with her ?

I think you are between rock and hard place otherwise...

no, I don't think so ( I like the ones you linked to, but a costly mistake if they don't work...)

she really did seem to be assessing how light the room was (ie whether she could see across it) which a nightlight is never going ot provide for (well, not at a level that doens't bother dd1)
bugger.

just when it was all going so well.

we were supposed ot be going out htis weekend, too (first night out in months dueto dd1's sleep problems) but can't leave them with a sitter like this (dd1 wouldfreak at the thought, tbh)

back to cosying down on th floor outside the room for another year or so then. can't see any other way out of it.

Not that that solves anyhting. if dh & I don't get to spend some time togehter soon, there'snot going to be much of a marriage left.

Is separating them possible? Because TBH I think the hassle of getting them both over that might be shorter-lived than the hassle of dealing with lots of light vs no light.

(and I agree those lights would be an expensive option if they didn't work for her - I guess the best solution would be to borrow one)

Probably a rubbish idea, but is the dressing room big enough for DD2 to sleep in? Then they are still near each other but DD1 could have the door shut and DD2 have the light she needs.

we could separate, as in we have enough room, but definitely wary of it.

we started them sharing because of dd1's sleep problems. they've been sharign for 18 months or so now, and love it.

it has really worked out well for them, and has really helped their relationship (dd1 quite severely ASD)

if we separate them, I thnk dd1 would take it badly.

I also think dd2 would go wandering (the rpoblem of leaving the door open!)and go to find dd1 and end upsleeping with her.

If we insist on her going back, she would say she is "worried" about being alone (can you tell we've talkd about this with her? ) and get upset.

if dd2 is upset, dd1 is upset, by default.

the real problem is, that due to langugae disorder, we don'tknow what went wrong for dd1 sleep wise, and don't know what subsequently went right. so moving dd2 away could trigger all that agian too.

it's all a bit bollocks, really.

we did think f that, englishpatient, and might well try it.

I do think they will both be distressed at movign away though, and dd2 will want the door between them open (I am aware that dd2 sounds as though she gets everyhting she wants, but honestly, she doesn't!)

It can be easy to forget she's only 3, as she is more coherent than dd1, and this is sucha common hting for small children to go through.

I just don't know how we can fixit for both of them, especially when neither (dd1 due to ASD and dd2 due to being just 3) are very good at compromising!

If you give DD2 the choice between a light she can take to bed and moving away from DD1, which do you think she will go for? My 3yo DD is actually surprisingly good at seeing the reasoning and going for the compromise solution.

DS went for a sleepover at a friend's house and friend's poor mother spent ages trying to find a compromise solution between DS, who wants a light on, and friend, who wants black darkness - I think the final solution involved a night light out of friend's eyeline

I really feel for you and have been racking my brain for more ideas. The only thing I came up with is DD1 wearing an eye mask! But I am sure she wouldn't (and I don't blame her!).

Or a lamp (my DD has a "pebble lamp", I think from Habitat - quite bright) placed on a small table / stool below the level of the bed, between DD2's bed and the wall, so it would be quite bright for her but not too much for DD1?

How about one of these for DD1?

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/40116206

In case the link doesn't work it's an Ikea Kura bed tent. Should give her a darker environment esp if you put an extra layer of fabric over it.

Just trying to think outside the box a bit for you.

Tricky

I personally HATE sleeping with the door closed. Am claustrophic.

When I was a child this translated to leaving my door open and the light on the landing switched on (switched off when my parents came to bed)

Having lights on in the room didn't help cos I could just see how small the room was IYSWIM.

Even now, if I sleep with the door shut I often have claustrophobic nightmares. I need to feel that I have an escape route.

I know this doesn't help!