Is this normal for a nearly 4 year old?

[scampadoodle]

Ds1 (4 next month) has always been a bit of a handful. He has bags of energy and needs lots of stimulation (although he can play quietly by himself when he wants to). He's currently at the 'Why?" stage ie he never shuts up! He is also really badly behaved a lot of the time. Apart from being mean to his younger brother (15mo) it's mainly low grade stuff (kicking & punching me, making a fuss about his food, being cheeky, not doing as he's told, shouting, spitting etc) but constant. I'm pretty exhausted most of the time so I usually end up exploding. I do the usual sit on the stairs routine, or take away favourite toys but often he just seems to misbehave despite himself. When I challenge him he either laughs or says he can't help it. A typical exchange, say after he's been mean to ds2 might be:
Me: Do you think it's right to hit your little brother?
Ds1: No
Me: So why do you do it?
Ds1 [obviously upset & frustrated] : I don't knoooooow! I can't help it!

What I want to know is, is there a developmental stage they go through at this age which makes them unable to control their actions? Or is there something wrong with him????

Don't know the answer but my ds2 who is 4 and a bit is driving me up the wall. CONSTANT cheek, wants and screams for rubbish food all the time, wanders out the house when he thinks I'm not looking, says "I can do what I want " all the time???? What planet is he on??

[Sigh] Planet Small Boy I think. I said to him yesterday, "I wish I knew where your batteries are so that I could take them out for 5 minutes!" Needless to say he found this concept hilarious.

Forgot to add, my ds also comes into my bed every night as he's afraid of the dark/ shadows/ monsters etc. then gets up around 6.30 am. Then he falls asleep abot tea time, 5.30pm as he's knackered. Is awful to wake up/ keep awake.

torture!!

I think they have huge testosterone surges coming up for this age. And they do need lots and lots of physical excercise if they are the energetic type. Is he getting lots of outdoor runaround oportunity?
DS, just 4, has been having outbreaks of real disruptiveness. I am just trying to keep very calm and consistent and not let him twang my strings too hard. Amongst the tumult, he is thinking much harder than he did before about his actions and inter-actions - he discusses the discipline problems he has with his unruly bear with me, and we use this as a focus for why consideration and manners and doing what you are asked is important. Would something like that work?

Another just turned 4 year old boy. Suddenly has oodles of energy and loads of cheek. Bullies his 2 year old brother all the time. But lovable and very funny. I have just made a concerted effort to be calmer with him and praise his good behaviour - don't know if it is working but i feel better not losing my temper all the time.

I'm rather hoping that at school he will learn that other boys won't take his cheek. Roll on
September !

I am hoping that school will tire him out and/or reinforce the concept of discipline - but as he's a september baby he doesn't go til next September!! Aargh!
I give him as much outdoor activity as I can (has to fit in around ds2's naps). He gets up pretty early (5.30 , 6 am is usual) and does 3 full (til 5pm) days at nursery a week which absolutely knacker him but he just. Keeps. Going. I call him the Duracell Bunny. In term time he has playgroup on the other 2 mornings & will sometimes crash out on the sofa in the afternoon. (Which is a pain 'cos he then won't go to bed on time later).
When he's good he's fab - very bright & funny. I know I should just remain calm, & sometimes I do, but I'm so tired all the time it's very hard.

Thats the advantage of an August baby !

Well, my nearly 4yr old DS told me that sometimes his brain told him to do "things" (like flood the bathroom) - so I tell him to ignore his brain...Actually I think some children are much better at controlling their impulses but DS has always been rubbish at it and turning 3 just seemed to kick it right off.

Actually DS has just recovered from a bout of chicken pox which meant we did absolutely nothing for about a week and he got lots of rest. The next few days he was an angel (well, relatively speaking) - amused himself, didn't torture his sister too much, walked up to the top of Corfe Castle and back down without whingeing. Then he went to bed really late (we were on holiday) and the next day he was a nightmare. So I reckon sleep has a lot to do with it. Do you think you could bear to do a bit of sleep training to get him to sleep through?

whoops sorry it was SSD's DS who wasn't sleeping through.

My ds has just gone 4 and is similar to all of your's. One thing that drives me & his Dad mad is that he'll jump on either of us (or do some other fairly violent action) and when we tell him off he instantly says 'sorry, I didn't mean to' and looks really upset. I know he doesn't mean to do things but he just never, ever, ever remembers to think before he does stuff that he's been told about a hundred times before.

He behaves for a nano-second & then it's as if he's forgotten again. We ask 'why did you do that?' and he says 'I don't know' or 'I didn't mean to'.

I jus think they find it really hard to not get excited and carried away and thinking before acting is just about impossible when he's bored, tired or fed up. I'm sure they do have testosterone surges about this age too.

The rest of the time he's gorgeus !

I feel so much better!!!

DS turned 4 last week and has been a nightlmare for about 6 months or so - at least it seem that way! He shouts and hits and scratches and pinches - mostly me! I admit to having a tempre and retaliating which doesn't help but I defy anyone to be physically attacked and not retaliate! He claims he HAS to shout sometimes.

I need strategies to help me - please don't tell me to count to 10 - if I could do that it wouldn't be an issue! I go from 0 to 10 in minus 10 seconds! Am finding threatening to forbid playstation or tv is working. But then he calls me a "poo poo head" - in frustration tonight he called me a "broken poo poo head"! Only thing keepin him alive is that I keep telling myself it's all hormones!

Boy am I glad to read this string! My little boy is nearly 4 and I thought he was acting like a teenager. If they have hormone surge at this age, that explains a lot. He is so rough, seems so angry lots of the time- "Mummy I'm going to Kill you!" "I like banging!" etc. He tensely grabs one of our hands and shakes it as if he would like to tear it from the socket but knows he mustn't. He seems to be helpless to stop this even though I'm sure he'd like to. He is like this easily 60% of the time. We are fairly strict with him, if he is naughty we throw away sweets or put his toys up in the attic. The best results are achieved from treating him very gently- once the initial anger has worn off he responds well to a gentle cuddle. My husband thinks he is oedipal (he told me affectonately that he wants me to be the mummy of his children- among other things! ) I thought he might be jealous of his little bro who is 7 months old. But the idea of a testosterone surge fits the bill better.