how to communcate better with my DD

[BrokenBananaTantrum]

She is nearly 4yo and I just seem to be clashing with her all the time at the moment about everything. She is very wilful and so am I and I don't think I am doing a good job as her mum at the moment. It is making me feel shit about myself and I go to bed at the end of each day thinking "I have been a shit mum today"

Does anyone have any good books they could recommend for me to read to help me do better?

Thanks

sorry communicate

Please?

I don't have anything in the way of advice to offer (sorry!) other than I think this behaviour is very normal at this age (at least this is what people tell me when I am absolutely exasperated by my 4 & 5 year old).

I shall watch this thread with interest but I think the important thing to remember is that you are almost certainly doing a great job as a mum even if you do, both, have your moments.

thanks nancy. it's hard to remember somedays and i just want to do the best for her. I feel sometimes I am too confrontational(sp) and we seem to end up with me repeating a request 10 times before we get anywhere.

got to go now but but will check in again in the morning.

I wish I had something helpful to add by my 4yr old DS and I clash ALL the time. He's wonderful and I love him but we seem to fight and argue and I end up nagging, cajoling and feeling exhausted.

Have you read the How To Talk book or Playful Parenting? Playful parenting helped me for a couple of weeks after I read it but I have slipped back into my old ways..

Oh, X posts, ghost!

i have reported my post as stupidly my link was already "signed in"

here

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child) (How to Help Your Child) (Paperback)
by Adele Faber; Elaine Mazlish (

Ghost, it doesn;t show your account info - I clicked on your link and it showed me the book but with MY account details. So, don't worry!

thank you SuperBunny for that

I find I do have to reread books sometimes but the Kids to Listen is so good, it's worth the rereads.

Hi there - I read a book called "the social toddler" which doesn't so much give advice as give an insight into why they are behaving in certain ways which helped me to take a step back and see the bigger picture of what was going on and not be so reactive. Can't remember more details but can find out if you're interested....

thanks everyone i'll see if I can pick up kids to listen today and i'll have a look for the social toddler one too.

I had this problem but I found if I talked to my DDs level (also 4) she tended to listen more. I ask her v.nicely to do something and because I didnt say "do this" or "do that" but asked her if she didnt mind she actually ends up responding to me just as nicely!
Of course sometimes she just doesnt care and that's usually when I ask DP in for reinforcements :P
(works everytime!)
I've always loved the way dads have this power to stop kids in their tracks just by speaking whereas women could be blue in the face and the kids are still running a muck!

Good luck

We have a thread on here about melodramatic whinging four year olds.. mainly DDs.. you may have seen it..

4 seems to be a bit of a flashpoint, doesn't it?

I've been speaking to some friends about this recently and a couple mentioned that they thought it was a hard age, and particularly for little girls...

THey seem to be so articulate and self assured in many ways but they are ultimately emotionally immature for many of the situations that they get themselves in to and the questions they ask..

I feel your pain too!

I'll look for the thread thanks mamsnet

Hi - I recently signed up for this free email course in Mindful parenting. I found it gave me a new perspective with my DS who is 2.8.

The other thing I use to counteract negativity about being a "bad mother" etc is I listen to self hypnosis mp3 called "Enjoy Motherhood" . Sounds weird, I know, but it counteracts the thinking that everything has to be perfect and that everyone else is coping etc.

Love your name BTW .

Another book I REALLY think is useful is 'How to Calm a Challenging Child' - sorry not sure who it is by as I borrowed it from the library.

DD1 is 3.9yo and really becoming increasingly stroppy - reading this book has been really useful. Gives you ways of saying no without saying no (and still meaning it!) and how to deal with a stroppy child.

DD1 tends to clash more with DP than me these days - he is trying to read the book (it is easy to read he just doesn't have much time for reading!) but, from my perspective, whenever they clash and she comes running to me, I have been able to apply some of the stuff from this book so I can calm her without it appearing like I am siding with her against him. It is really good for ideas about how to talk to them when they are in that stage where they seem to argue for the sake of it!

thanks tabouleh have also signed up

i'm off to thelibrary tomorrow Dysguso will have a look for that one too