risk of exclusion from school

[bubble1]

I'll try to cut this short..basically had to see headmaster this morning because of 8 yr old son's aggressive behaviuor...again.
Apparently, they feel it has got to the stage where he may have to move to a pupil referral unit to be taught in future. Am absolutely gutted as this will almost certainly affect his academic results (at the moment he is a year ahead of his classmates).
He started this behaviour whilst in nursery and when he started school full time he was statemented. I felt this would label him as bad before he'd even started school but the nursery felt it was necessary...so we went along with this.
Anyway, after several run ins with other parents regarding my child hitting their children, it all seemed to settle down, but has gradually re-emerged since xmas.
Is anyone else in same position, or can offer any advice?
I am not too concerned about his schoolwork because he is very bright, but am deeply worried about this behaviour. Have tried to explain to him that he will end up with no friends at school (as is the case now at home) but it just does not seem to sink in.
He almost seems to want everybody to hate him...whereas I just want him to be happy and popular.

What should I do?

I can assure you CAMHS is there for many children not just those who are seriously mentally ill or "do things that would make your blood run cold" - they are in fact there for children on the autistic spectrum many of whom do not have any behavioural problems but have the opposite problem of being too quiet, passive and aloof. Also for children with ADHD or BESD.

Bad behaviour is not always down to bad parenting or lack of boundaries - eg children on the autistic spectrum - including the very very bright ones - miss the social cues and so do not respond to discipline in the same way, I know this because I have 3 children the youngest of whom has ASD and he does not respond to being told off in the same way as the older two at all. Quite simply disappointing someone else does not register for him - most discipline relies on the child being embarrassed or singled out or worried about letting others down - children with ASD often don't give a stuff what others think and indeed probably don't even notice. Therefore you have to try other methods which are not obvious and actually often counter intuitive.

If this has been going on for 4-5 years chances are you have tried everything and there is perhaps an underlying cause which has not been found and which means it is not your fault, or indeed his.

I don't think you are talking balls. I know a child who was told its bad parenting etc etc he ended up having a mental breakdown at 10 because everyone wanted to write it off as nothing medical. They felt pretty foolish when he was diagnosed with Aspergers and had to be home tutored for a year because school was making him mentally ill. So trust your own instincts and go back to your GP.

When his behaviour at home began to slide again, about a month ago, I asked his teacher if his behaviour at school had changed for the worse. He said it was fine.
Then about a week and a half ago, he collared me outside school and said that my sons behaviour had become 'unacceptable' over the last few weeks. This left me a bit confused, but I asked him how we his parents could help. He said we would talk more on parents evening...in July! Anyway, I wanted to do something NOW so I asked him for the contact details of the school pyshcologist. He said this wasnt neccessary as they would meet with her in June...we were not invited to attend. Then 3 days later we receive this letter, dated the same day as I spoke to his teacher, telling us that exclusion and a pupil referral unit would be next step.

Teacher also informed me that for the past few weeks the school had been keeping a daily record of my sons behaviour in some kind of book. When I asked if we could take this home to read they said no. I also asked if we should keep some sort of record of his behaviour at home in order to pass onto the school, but they said no again. Surely if we swapped information like this between ourselves, it might be of some use?

You say he doesn't know why he behaves this way. Does he mean he knows it's wrong and can't stop himself, does he just lose control, is it because he's bored and wants attention.... Is he just saying he doesn't know to avoid the subject?

I do think you need to get to the bottom of why before you can think of strategies to deal with it and it sounds as though everyone you have spoken too is being spectacularly unhelpful.

When he was at nursery, the child physc said that he probably dinnt know why he was acting this way...apparently many children dont...they have no specific reason, which is so frustrating.
i almost wish he would tell me i am a crap mother because i dont do x y z at least then i could rectify the problem.
Am really pissed off about this extra funding thing. Am i right in assuming then that the school get extra money for him in order to offer him extra help, ie more one to one or counselling...which by the way has never been mentioned?

It sounds like the school are not handling this at all well.

You should go in and insist on a meeting with the teacher, SENCO and Head or Deputy, to discuss what the problems are and what you can all do to support your DS at home and school. They should, of course, be having an open dialogue with you. You could also try contacting the Parent Partnership person for your LA if you need more support.

what is the parent partnership?

bubble1 what does his statement say??

so long ago now...cant really remember. Basically, he is violent towards others and needs constant intervention in order to keep others safe!

Right, so back to basics - what are the school doing? If your DS has a statement that states that he needs constant intervention, how did he get the opportunity to hurt anyone??

If the school aren't able to meet the requirements of his statement, you need to ask for an emergency review. You can google 'SEN Code of Practice' - then download it and search for emergency reviews.

You need to go to the LA and say "DS has this statement. The school are not able to control him, and they are threatening PRU."

PRU's are not a long-term solution, so the LA need to be looking at the situation - either your DS needs more/different input at school, or he needs a different environment to be educated in.

The hard bit in these situations is normally getting a statement - You have one, so rely on the clout it gives you NOW, before the situation is out of your hands.

why is it so hard to get a statement...our sons nursery couldnt wait to pass this on to uor sons school...even though we said we did not want this to happen...did not want him labelled as the bad boy before his first day at school. this has seemed to follow him for past three years.

Well a statement brings with it an obligation on the part of the Local Authority to meet the special educational needs of a child.

I take it we are talking about the same thing, here? Did you get issued with a 'Final Statement of Special Educational Needs'?

If so, then it is the LA that have a duty to make sure that your DS is getting the provision he needs. If he is not coping in his current setting, it is the LA's responsibility to do something about it.

TBH I feel a bit lost ATM. Havent actually seen any paperwork regarding this situation since son started school...should I?
Have basically trusted the school to do whats right.
Feel really stupid now for not being more pushy.
Dont know what to do next without ruffling feathers as this school is where i want son to stay...small class sizes, christian C of E, etc

Yes he was def statemented. Have has numerous meetings at school regarding his behaviour, and school physcologist has even been to our home a couple of times...on my request...to discuss his behaviour.
But since he actually started school we have not received any reports or such since.
we only have schools say so on whats happening.

Here's what i've picked up as a teacher

depending on the lea...
Statement doesn't equal funding
it does mean you should get extra support of some sort
Exclusions shouldn't be for week at a time unless it is incredibly serious- even when staff hurt at our school it was for a few days max
you need a set number of excluded days before pru is an option
pru is usually full at this point in the year so nothing could be done till sept
behaviour support team are usually involved
they often provide 1-1 support for some of week

tbh your school sounds a bit reactionary and need to keep you better informed.

Ask for a proper meeting with class teacher senco and head and get them to explain what they are doing, who else is involved, what you can do and how ds can avoid the pru.

No school worth anything wants children to go there!

bubble1 please don't think we are getting at you! I am concerned that you don't seem to have been very involved in the process with statementing. My DD is statemented (she is in preschool), and I had to write a report for the process - do you remember doing that?

Either way, this is a 'task list', if it helps:

1. Find your DS's Final Statement of Special Educational Needs.

2. Look at Part 3 - What support does it say your DS needs? Does it stipulate any 1:1 support? Any particular periods where supervision is essential i.e. break times, etc? Does it state that your DS needs someone he can go to if he is struggling, for example?

3. Look at what the school are doing. Does he have an IEP - what does it say? What support are they giving him? Does it match the support needed in Part 3 of his statement?

4. What did the last Statement Review say? Where is the paperwork, and when was it done?

5. Look at the incidents that have resulted in your DS being excluded, and other reports of incidents. Get hold of that behaviour diary, using a Formal Request if necessary. If necessary use your rights under the Data Protection Act.

Try to identify any common themes. ie. Is there a particular time of day (i.e. break times), or a particular teacher, or a particular child, or whatever.

5. Arrange a meeting with the school to discuss your findings/concerns.

6. If necessary go to the LA and tell them that your DS is being threatened with a PRU.

Do come back to us, and the Special Needs section here is full of us all battling the SN system, so do visit us over there