4yo dd does her shoes up far too tight

[WickedWitchSouthWest]

Hello,

I really hope someone can help, I'm tearing my hair out.

My 4yo dd is obsessed with doing her velcro-fastening shoes up far too tight. She has been doing this since last summer, it wasn't a problem in winter as I bought her some zip up boots instead, hoping she would forget! However, her "smart" shoes are velcro fasteners (as most Clarks and Startrite appear to be for this age group) and she's doing them so tight she is having to walk almost on tip toes. When she takes the shoes off she has awful red marks which sometimes become bruises if she has been in the shoes all day. She is the same with her velcro sandals too

I'm so so worried that she is doing permanent damage to her feet and I can't work out WHY she would put herself through the pain, it obviously hurts her! She throws massive tantrums when we or her teachers try to help with her shoes, I've taken her into Clarks twice to get them to show her how to do them properly and she plays along but promptly goes out of the shop and does them up extra tight again.

What would you do next? Would a chat with the gp make any difference? I really can't afford any more shoes until she needs school shoes in August.

Sorry for such a long post, hope someone can help

Hi there, hmm I was going to suggest to showing her how to do it the right way but if they have shown her in clarks and she is still doing them up tight that obviously didn't work. Maybe she feels they are more secure when they are put on tightly. I think you may have to try and get some new shoes, ones that don't have the velcro, I know it is difficult with money but you could maybe ask clarks what they suggest and then see if there is a cheaper alternative somewhere else. Or how about rewarding her with something she really likes when she does the up the way she's meant to. Maybe a biscuit or let her take her take a favorite doll in the car. Something that will make her want to do them the right way.Hope it gets resolved!

buy some buckle ones? or laces

I know it sounds simple, just buying some buckle shoes, but the problem is when she goes to school in September. I expect she will be able to master buckles but will she still do the shoes too tightly?

Sorry, am probably not explaining myself very well! I'm worried it's a habit (like constantly pulling her vest down, that's another one!) or little behavioural thing she's doing for some sort of security, i.e. my feet are hurting so I know I have my shoes on?

maybe it is worth a trip to the GP then? as perhaps there is an underlying issue?

i did wonder if buckles for a while would just break the habit though, iyswim? or laces... whatever. in fact, even just some slip on shoes over the summer so that she CAN'T do it

Ds liked his shoes very tight at a similar age but seems to have grown out of it now. Wierdly he was
ok with crocs or wellies, so logically ok with loose feeling footwear, but had to have the Velcro ones feeling tight.

He did grow out of it but remains fussy over how socks and other clothes feel. Just sensitive I guess.

What size feet does your DD have? I'd happily send you outgrown 'loose shoes' from my dd and sure other MN would too so you could see if any particular styles were ok without having to but umpteen pairs. My dd is younger than yours though so might not be v helpful - she's a size 7 so I have some 6's to spare...

Buy not but

That's the thing, she was quite happy wearing comfy boots all through winter and loves wearing flip flops now but unfortunately is being incredibly obstinate about crocs, which would be perfect for this time of year! Then as soon as she puts on her smart shoes or her sandals she's pulling them so tight.

I've even tried peer pressure "look at best friend's shoes, she doesn't do them too tight" etc etc to no avail.

Hmm, doctor it is I think...

Could you shorten the amount of working velcro so they can't do up so tight? I don't mean cut the straps just melt/destroy/cut loops of Velcro on underside of strap.

Then tell her her feet must have grown overnight and hope it works!!'

Ah that's a good idea River, DH had wanted to cut the straps of her shoes but destroying the end bit of velcro sounds like a great idea!

Thank you everyone for your input, it's much appreciated