DD 5.8 social and emotional development issues

[womblingfree]

Have had a long chat with DD's teacher today following yet another incident at school (she's in Reception).

She is apparently very bright but a bit of a loner as far as classwork is concerned (OK socialising at playtime but sticks to a few well-known friends - one in particular).

She is apparently a 'worrier' and is very sensitive to the rough and tumble that goes on at school - particularly where the boys are concerned although she will join in with their games out of choice but gets v. upset when they get carried away (i.e. them saying nasty things and pretending to use guns - which is obviously discouraged by the teachers!)

What I'm really after is the names of some books that might help. Have just spent 45 minutes trawling Amazon but everything seems very technical or about really hardcore emotional and social issues such as Autism or drugs and self harming!

I just need to help her be a bit more confident and a little less sensitive - she is fine with adults (typical only child!).

lots of people here like "The Highly Sensitive Child". (I didn't but I think I was just irritated by the implication that my own boys must be somehow insensitive).

Hello wombling,
Was interested by your post, as my dd (5.5) is also pretty sensitive, and a worrier. With my dd, she is very affected by sad things happening in films, and I have to be very careful about what she sees (for example, she was in floods of tears about a sad firefly in the Tinkerbell film).

Sorry I don't have any specific advice on how to encourage confidence, but hopefully someone will be along with more advice, as I'd be interested too.

Hi Traveller - would be interested to hear more about your experiences - how's your DD coping with school?

I must admit I'm finding it a bit hard to get my head round this as in most of the interactions I see between DD and her friends or adults she is very confident. She had no trouble at nursery where she did 10 hours over 2 mornings a week and knew no-one on starting. She didn't really know anyone at the beginning of the school year as we live in a different catchment from the nursery she went to (it was smaller than our local one which we thought was a better option at the time).

Most of the problem seems to be with the boys in her class. She had two good boy friends at nursery who weren't particularly quiet, and has grown up with 2 of our friends sons - one who is only a week older than her. I guess the fact that he has an older sister and they have another little girl friend the same age tempers his boisterous side!

I was almost in tears when I saw her teacher today, as it's just getting so wearing - two or three times a week she comes home from school and tells me someone has said or done something.

I'm also not sure to what extent I should be bothered about her liking to work alone. I was always much the same, and given that she is the oldest and more advanced academically than a lot of the kids in her class, surely that's not surprising? She can work in a team if directed to, she just prefers to do her own thing which I don't think is exactly a major disaster.

Will keep you posted if I find any good books and will see if the library has The Highly Sensitive Child - thanks lingle!

ignore her telling you whose done what answer with just a loud hmm etc! some children are just loners it was weeks before my grandson made friends at school and my heart nearly broke when he came home and said he'd asked a little boy to be his friend and the boy said NO. He's OK now but still very much a loner when he wants to be. so I wouldn't worry. and quite frankly it is up to teachers to do more with the children re play mates etc. why they keep drawing parents in who aren't there I'm not sure. They are best qualified to help in these matters.!

Hello wombling,
Has the teacher suggested any strategies to help you/your dd deal with this?
My dd so far seems q robust about friendships at school - possibly because fortunately she hasn't really been tested yet and she seems to be in with quite a nice bunch.
She can be terribly vulnerable at times though. She absolutely crumbles at the slightest criticism of anyone outside the family - she was in floods of tears yesterday about something very minor that happened at swimming yesterday.
I just looked at the Highly Sensitive Child website and was astonished at how much it fits my dd (sensitive to noise/smell/clothes/'over' emotional/intense/v low pain threshold etc) so I've ordered it from the library to see what strategies can help cultivate her confidence/help her develop a thicker skin. Does any of this sound like your dd, or is it more in the realm of friendships that she's struggling?