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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Moving house with 3 year old, how to deal with it?

10 replies

Bumperliouzzzzzz · 26/05/2010 15:14

We are moving house in a month and by then DD will be 3! I mentioned the move to her recently (we rent so it has been quite a short notice thing) and she was quite upset by it. She said things like 'what about my bed/the curtains etc.?' and 'will the new house have toys in it?'. I've explained to her that we will be moving all our stuff with us, and she seems ok with that, but what with the move and the fact that I am pg it is a lot for her to deal with and I'm afraid it didn't even occur to me that she might be bothered by the move.

She hasn't seen the new place yet but we have arranged another viewing just so she can come along. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to manage the move? It is a different area, though not too far from where we are now. I have asked my mum to come up and help us with the move (rather than send DD away to hers) so she can be involved (though hopefully without being in the way!).

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NestaFiesta · 26/05/2010 16:17

We moved last year when DS1 was only just 3. We actually did palm him off for the day as moving heavy furniture and trying to unpack essentials in time for bed would have been impossible with him there. To be fair to him, apart from saying a few times that he preferred the old house, he adjusted pretty well. We did however, let him choose a new bed and new posters etc for his new room. Obviously you needn't offer a new bed (ours needed one anyway), but what I'm saying is having new things in her bedroom that she chose herself would get her involved and excited with any luck.

Sounds like you're handling it really sensitively. You'll be amazed how quickly children adjust when you just get stuck in. DS1 hardly ever mentioned the old house after a couple of months. Best of luck. xx

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Bumperliouzzzzzz · 26/05/2010 16:41

Thanks for the advice. I'm crocheting her some bunting for her new room (I know, I know...) and I think the priority on moving day will be getting her room sorted quickly and made to look nice. I guess the earlier upset was that she didn't understand what would happen, but hopefully she will be ok once it becomes clear that all her stuff will be in the new house. It's going to be quite a change as we are going from a roomy 1st floor flat, to a small but more roomed house, but there is a garden so hopefully that will cheer her up!

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JimJammum · 26/05/2010 18:27

There's an Usbourne story about moving house which helped explain to ds what happened. He too thought that we would leave his stuff at the old house! On the day he went to nursery as usual so we could get on with the move and then came home to find his bed set up, books & toys etc also already unpacked, so we could keep his routine the same.
Be warned that they can be a bit clingy afterwards - ds wouldn't go anywhere on his own in the house for several weeks esp as the house was bigger. You may find she won't go downstairs on her own or to the toilet for a while until she gets acclimatised. Having said that, ds has never said he prefers the old house!

honeymunster · 30/05/2010 14:55

We moved last year when my DD was 3, Whenever she said something negative about the move, I said something positive. We moved from a 2 bed to a 3 bed so she was to have her own room. We told her there would be a surprise in her room for her when we moved to the new house. It was a little dresser and stool and really did the trick! Although she did say she missed the old house, after a few weeks that stopped. Both DD's settled fine. (I also have a 2 yo!)

UniS · 30/05/2010 20:08

Have moved with a 3 yr old, then again 8 months later when he was just 4, been in latest new house 1 month now.

DS needed lots of reassurance that we would be taking his bed, his toys etc. We read lots of moving house books and talked about then and our move. We did lots of assuring that would still see his friends. Fixed up for him to do an activity with a friend every day of move week ( in summer hols) and made sure it happened regardless of which house we were sleeping in.
AT 3 I took him over to new house the day before we moved ( short notice so no earlier possible, got him to " chose" his room and chose where his posters went on the walls and he chose stickers for the wall and helped put them on. Bought him a football for the garden ( old house garden too small for football). He was around when the removers started packing, then off to swim with friend, then back for the end of packing vans , he wheeled his bike onto removal truck so he KNEW it was packed.

Moving at 4 we had longer and it wasn't so far, just a mile. so we moved our selves over a number of days, D liked sitting in front of van. again he "chose" his room ( from a list of one) and chose where to put his posters etc. he played in his room for a week while we decorated before we moved furniture over and started sleeping there.

HE is still a bit unsettled. we had a run of bad bedtimes and had to get very firm . he asks when we are moving next regularly, and isn't convinced by our answer that we have no plans to move

marcopront · 30/05/2010 20:35

My daughter is 4 in October. By the time she is 4 she will have lived in 4 countries and 5 different places.

The first move was at 9 months and she didn't know what was going on. This was coming back to the UK.

The second move, I'll come back to.

The third move at nearly 3 was overseas and she coped pretty well. We talked about if for a long time in advance and apart from a few days when I was packing she was fine, but we had a few wet sheets.

The fourth move will take place in a month. Again she knows about it and is excited about it. Fingers crossed.

The second move at 1.5 was very rushed. We moved from a flat to a house round the corner, owned by the same people. It was about 10 days from being told about the house to moving. We didn't really talk to her about it. Then we dropped her at the childminder in the morming from the flat and took her to the house in the evening. A bad move, she cried and wouldn't go into the house. Apart from that she had no problems.

To summarise. Talk to her about it and if she is normally out of nappies at night consider nappies for a few days.

roisin · 30/05/2010 20:36

We moved long long way when ds2 was just 3. I angsted quite a bit about how it would affect him, but he was absolutely fine and just took it in his stride.

He went to stay with grandma & grandpa (with his brother) the week before and the week after (saintly parents of mine), so that we could get everything straight in peace.

mumbar · 30/05/2010 20:45

I moved when DS 13 mthns, to UK when 22 months and again at 3.2!!! Harder when 3 as he had the 'understanding' but I have a great book in the 'Fred bear and friends' range that helped. Teddy moves house, starts school, goes to dentist dr.

In my pile of stuff to donate if you'd like them??

He then loved the idea of having a new room which would be a big boy room, choosing paint etc.

Behaviour wise he was a bit of a pickle for about 2 weeks but it just seemed to stop as quick as it started as I kept the routine the same.

good luck

pippylongstockings · 30/05/2010 20:52

we moved when DS2 was 20 months - he went to his grandparents for the day of the move - we came and stayed there with him and then went and sorted more thenext day - grandparents dropped him home that 2nd night and he was fine realy excited - however 2 months later when his brother was born is a whole other story..........

BlueberryPancake · 31/05/2010 06:53

I'd do a bribe. Is there a new bedcover she would like? A new toy?

Try to pack all her bedroom in very clearly marked boxes, and put many of her favorite toys in a special box that will stay with you and you can unpack first. Is there any way you can paint her bedroom first/let her choose the color of her bedroom?

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