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DS (8) involved in "rough play" aka fighting at school

3 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 26/05/2010 14:05

I had DS's (age 8, year 3) parent evening last night. His teacher said he was doing well and learning at the level he should be but raised concerns that he had become part of a group of year 3 boys that are involved in what she described as "rough play" but basically sounds like boisterous games sometimes leading to fighting at break/lunchtimes.

I had actually been planning to raise the issue anyway as DS had told me about two recent incidents. The first was that DS and a couple of friends had had to talk to the head teacher in a witness capacity after two other boys, X and Y had had a fight. The second was that X had actually been suspended from school (temporary exclusion?) after lashing out at DS and Y (X also then shouted at the teachers and has a long history of behaviour problems so the incident with DS and the other boy was probably the final straw leading to the suspension rather than the sole cause iykwim).

Anyway DS's teacher asked me/DH to talk to DS and give him a warning about not getting involved in this situation. We did, saying we were sorry to hear about it and that he should find other friends to play with if this rough stuff started happening. I don't feel like we got though though. He basically says he's there but isn't the one fighting so doesn't see what the problem is.

Is there anything else I could do? Given that this is happening at school in school time?

OP posts:
cory · 26/05/2010 14:45

I would say to the head, "well we certainly don't want ds to fight or misbehave in any way, so we will support you in any punishment if he does". And then let them wait and see if your ds is led on by these boys to misbehave or not. You don't necessarily need to control his friendships as long as oyu make it clear to him that he will be responsible for his behaviour and will never be able to use the example of others to get out of trouble.

However, if you think there is a slight chance that your ds is one of a group enabling and encouraging fighting as spectators, then you need to talk seriously to him about that.

Our primary school has always had a rule that you have to tell an adult if anyone is getting hurt or frightened. Maybe one to suggest to the head: that puts the onus on the whole class.

Flyonthewindscreen · 26/05/2010 16:43

Thanks cory. I get what you say about the risk of DS being an enabler to bullying behaviour but atm there doesn't seem to be any implication of that - more a bunch of participants with no particular victim who are involved to various degrees. I/DH would back up any punishment that came from the school and would not accept "X/Y started it" as an excuse.

I was wondering whether other things I could do should include trying to distance DS from Y? (he claims he is not friends with X anyway ). Obviously he can choose his own friends at school but he has Y over to play (he is here at the moment raising merry hell) and I take them both to the park after school often and I'm wondering whether I should stop this to show DS he doesn't get to have fun outside school with people he misbehaves in school with?

OP posts:
cory · 26/05/2010 20:48

I don't know, it's hard to tell without actually knowing the boys involved.

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