7 year old behaviour

[charlietheunicorn]

Can anyone help me with my 7 year old DS2? He is just so rude and verbally aggressive all the time. The crunch came this morning when he started arguing with me on the landing at 4.45am as I wouldn't let him play on his nintendo (he's not had it long, he got it for his birthday) I pointed out that it was still night time and he started shouting at me and slamming the door, I was desperately trying to calm him down so he didn't wake everyone else up, ended up making it worse and left him crying and went back to bed. He was up again at 6.30 but I can cope with that. Every time he talks to me he is either rude or wingey, usually because of the consequences of his rudeness such as not being able to go on the trampoline. If I ask him to do something he'll shout something like "can't you see I'm busy doing this?" or "what does it look like I'm doing?" (I don't talk to him like that by the way)He calls me names, stamps up the stairs, slams doors, throws things, hurts ds3(who's no angel,but a lot smaller). This morning I wouldn't let him go to school on his own (he never goes to school on his own) so he repeatedly smacked his lunch box against the wall then rode off on his scooter. Luckily my mum meets us on a Tues so din't get far. I don't know what state his lunch was in though!
It's quite sad as he never sees anything as his fault, he just thinks everyone's against him but I'm having real trouble getting through to him. I feel like I've lost him. And if he's like this now what's he going to be like in 10years time? Reading this back it doesn't seem so bad, but I really am at the end of my tether and could do with some ideas and support from better mothers than me

I have a 5yr old who is being a tad testing at the moment. Have you tried positive rewards? Him earning something such as a certain amount of time on his nintendo if he manages to not shout at you. I would break his behaviour down into smaller chunks and try to deal with one bit at a time. I say all this as though I am clearly great at it, which I am not as I am struggling with my DD and not following my own advice! You are not a rubbish mother, just having a hard time

How is his behaviour in school? Have you talked to them about the problems to see if they are repeated in school or it is just at home. What time is bedtime, with lot normally this causes a major problem if they have had a few late nights on the run. Also is he OK at the moment in his health, does he have a cough or a cold that he is struggling to shake off. Sometimes what you feel is a really bad issue and all about you and him could be just because they don't feel too good. You probably know all this but sometimes it's good to just stop and have a think about it all first as it's too easy to blame ourselves.

Next I would stop punishing, ie taking away trampoline and using it as a reward instead. So if he can behave, talk politely, do homework, do jobs such as dishes, bedroom etc, then he gets an hour on the trampoline or half an hour on DS.

Really strong structure works so they know what to expect. So it would be half an hour play when they come home from school no matter what kind of behaviour. Then dinner, homework, and an hour of play which would contain the reward ie DS, trampoline, TV etc, then bed time routine. This is just my evenings I am using as an example.

Troubled, grumpy, children work better with routines and knowing exactly what is expected of them.

Don't know if this will help you but I have children with behaviour problems and have had to work hard with routines. So long as I stick to them it tends to work, but there are still bad days no matter what.

Thanks for the advice knackered and daisysue. I think trying to turn it round using rewards instead of punishments has got to be worth a try.
Daisysue you asked what he is like at school, he was in an extra social skills class to help him with his behaviour but he didn't like it and said "Mummy they've put me with all the naughty boys and I'm not a naughty boy" Anyway this finished at Xmas as they thought his behaviour had improved sufficiently, and it all seems positive from school, but his teacher's off ill at the moment so I suppose this has thrown him a bit.
This has been going on for quite a while, but thinking about it and reading your advice it does seem to get worse if there is a change in routine or a big event.
Lots to think about.
Thank you both - sensible advice is just what I needed.

Hi my 9 year old ds went through this for several months earlier this year, things are better now ( a long way from perfect) but better, he is my youngest of 4 and would tell me he hated me all the time, my others never did anything like this and i was really worried i spoke to school and everything was fine there it was like he changed from being at school happy and polite to a rude violent nasty child when he came home.
I began a reward chart i no they are old for this but it did really help more than taking things off him for being rude i gave him things for not being rude.
We sit down at 6.30 every evening and discuss his day choose your words carefully like we have a 3 stars for politeness i say to him how many do you feel you deserve today if he say 3 i might have to say well i think 1 because you said xxx this morning, try to discuss it though cos that can set him off again but not very often. Make the rewards really good for instance we go swimming once a week if he manages to get x stars he gets treats out of the vending machine afterwards if he got any bonus stars, (grieves me though i have to pay 70p for a packet of crisps)
Any way hope this helps i do no how you feel was only a few months ago i was counting the days until he went to university, I no you are probably thinking he is too old for a reward chart but i can only tell you it has totally transformed my home life.

Thanks ddgm I like the idea of discussing his day, I will definately try the chart - more positive re-enforcement!