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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do you think my 4 year old is 'behind' already?

14 replies

theQuibbler · 25/05/2010 11:08

My boy isn't in preschool or nursery and I worry that he is going to be at a disadvantage when he starts school.

He's a bit hit and miss in knowing his numbers - we play games but I'm not sure that he really gets it.

He can write his name, but doesn't know his alphabet properly.

He loves books and we read together a lot, but he doesn't point out words that he knows or anything like that. He does recognise the letter that makes up the beginning of his name.

I don't know if I'm doing this all wrong.

I think he's still pretty young and want to let him play with mud pies and try to climb trees and run around burning off his considerable energy. Those are the things he really likes to do, but should I be insisting on more formal learning type things by now? He plays tennis and football and goes to capoeira and swimming lessons, so he is able to follow instructions in a class setting.

He's also bi-lingual (French/English) so his vocabulary is probably the same as other children his age, but divided over two languages, so he doesn't sound as advanced (to me) as other 4 year olds.

I'm just worried that I've screwed up. Have I? I'm apprehensive about him starting school - I don't know why, he will love it, he's very sociable. Maybe that's where this is all coming from? Should I be doing something else?

TIA.

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coppertop · 25/05/2010 11:13

He sounds absolutely fine to me. There's plenty of time for more formal stuff when he starts school. I would just let him carry on enjoying the things he's already doing.

Cakesandale · 25/05/2010 11:14

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Pre-school is great, but it is not the only choice, and he sounds like he is doing fine to me.

Seriously, if he is a happy and confident little boy he will catch up quickly on the academic stuff (if he needs to, which he may well not). My dd is nearly 7 now, and she went to preschool etc, but some of her class (admittedly a minority) did not - but from what I can see now, thhere is no correlation between those who are going a bit slower, and the ones who did not do the whole Foundation Stage thing.

The only thing is he may not know so many people, but friendships are so fluid at that age that even this will not matter a jot.

deepdarkwood · 25/05/2010 11:16

DON'T WORRY!!

School will assume they all know nothing ito reading, number etc - so if you had spend the time 'drilling' him, he'd just have to go through it again.

If you're going to worry about anything, make it the practical/social stuff (can he go to the toilet unaided, put some clothes on, take turns, wipe his own nose etc)

The let him enjoy his mudpies

KristinaM · 25/05/2010 11:19

sounds like you are doing a great job and he is having a wonderful childhood. bit sad to have to worry about " formal learning" for a 4yo

and what a wonderful gift you have given him of bi-lingualism . that will be more of a help to him in education and in life than knowing the alphabet at 4

TooPragmatic · 25/05/2010 11:19

please don't worry about this. You will make yourself miserable if you compare him with other children. It's very hard not to, though, when you realise that other children are reading, writing, etc!

I can guarantee there will always be children who are better than your child at reading/writing/sports/whatever. There is a HUUUUGE range of abilities in children starting school. The school will do its best to try and accommodate everybody. Your son will learn at the right pace for him. They get there in the end.

Original poster

theQuibbler · 25/05/2010 11:26

Oh, thank you all - that is reassuring.

I've got myself into such a panic about it, I can't even tell you.

He can dress himself and is very keen (finally) on the concept of taking turns. Not brilliant at sharing, but no worse than any other of his little mates. Can go to the toilet without help ('please go away, maman')but insists on taking ALL his clothes off if he needs a poo . Not quite sure how to tackle that one, hoping it's just a stage.

I think I'm just scared about school. He just seems so little to me.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 25/05/2010 11:27

really? i know LOADS of 4yo and none can actually read or write. some can write their names or a few other words and most know a few letters and can copy them but not much else

i must know a lot of backward 4yos

though i agree with the general sentiment of not reading too much into comparisons. otherwise i woudl be freaking that my 4yo only speaks (a version of) English and cant play tennis. although he is excellent with mud

KristinaM · 25/05/2010 11:28

i understand the scared of school bit. although my 4yo doesnt have to go for another year here

TooPragmatic · 25/05/2010 11:35

the Quibbler, there are children in my DS's reception class who can't do what your DS can already do (e.g. take themeselves to the toilet).

ThistleWhistle · 25/05/2010 11:38

My DD couldn't even dress herself when she started reception. She could write her name and count to 20. She went to playgroup and I was worried that my friends' DC who went to full-time nursery seemed so much more advanced with their writing, starting to read etc. However, now they are in year 1 they have all levelled out. So don't worry I'm sure he will be fine.

sarararararah · 25/05/2010 12:01

For what it's worth, I think what you are doing sounds PERFECT!! You really haven't screwed it up at all. I am a Reception teacher and in an ideal world, the children coming in to my class will have good speaking and listening skills, and have LOADS of experiences to draw on. The maths and reading and writing will all come naturally then. I really see that as my job (with parent support when the time is right, of course). If I could choose, I would far rather have children in Reception who have had lots of lovely experiences to talk about, than children who know all of their letters. So long as you are reading TO your little boy, and talking to him lots about everything that you do together, then everything else will be just fine. (Although you might want to work on the taking all his clothes off to do a poo thing!

Kewcumber · 25/05/2010 12:05

he sounds just like my four year old who is at pre-school. If you are worried about him going to school, would you consider getting him a part-time place at nurseyr now (if any are available) it might help you both come Sept.

stealthsquiggle · 25/05/2010 12:07

He'll love it - and you have from now until September (presumably?) to work on the complete strip for having a poo thing . He doesn't sound 'behind' at all to me (can he please come and give my 3yo lessons in mud pies and get her French beyond the point of jumping up and down every time she sees a pineapple in the shop saying "look, Mummy, ananas in French"?)

Angeliz · 25/05/2010 12:11

just have to say, my ds is 3 and always stripped right off to have a poo, (at pre-school too i was told), he's just come out of it though, doesn't last.
Your son sounds fine to me.
If you are worried and there's a pre school attached to the reception he's starting, why not let him visit and maybe get him in the odd morning to see?

My little boy doesn't turn four till end of August and starts full time!
He seems such a baby next to his class mates.(though independent)

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